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Still shattered after a whole year!!!

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I feel so stupid for even writing about this because I am sure people are going to tell me I am stupid!!!


Me and my ex dated for about 8 years, let's say about the last 2 years being on a off. So in total we have known each other for a complete 10 years. We had the most amazingl relationship however we started dating at 14 so we were very young! Along with the good there was some bad especially at the end. I will not deny that near the end we were horrible to each other. It got so ugly that it was better that we weren't together. Yes I will admit that I did hurt him a lot more than I should of. I left him 3 times to go travelling for few months as he did not want to come with me and it was my dream. We broke up each time (my idea) because I didn't want to have to worry about making someone happy thousands of miles away! However the minute I would get back I would convince him to get back together.


I have come to realise that although I hurt him so many time and yes took him for granted and that he deserved better, we were just very young and I had all these dreams of meeting new people and travelling...but above all i still loved him so much.


We have been broken up for a year now..it happened when I had left for the USA for 3 months and so many bad things happened in my life at that time it felt like everything in my life was falling apart and he wasn't making it any easier, so we broke up. This time overseas was different. I missed him and I missed my life here which has never happened before. So I came back assuminghe would take me back as he always did and this time he didn't. He had met another girl (which was the first time this has ever happened) and he has been with her now for a year.


I am so shattered, the first 8 months i went into such depression I didn't want to even be alive!!! It has gotten better but like I said it's a year later and it still hurts every single day! I have this stupid hope that he will one day wake up and remember how much he loved me and will want to be with me again which is such a childish fairytale dream because this is real life! things like that only happen in fairytales! and hes been with someone else for a year....not a month or so...one girl for one year. He is in love and so happy....the biggest problem is I don't know how to let go....i don't know how to let go of that hope even though he has told me to.


I feel so stupid but it still hurts every single day and the worst part is i know that it was my fault that this happened that he was pushed away into the arms of someone who makes him feel amazing. it was from all the stupid **** I did and I don't know how to let go of that guilt how to move on!



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you should not be so hard on yourself, 10years relationship is long, and will take sometime to heal, my friend has been BU for 3 years (6 years relationship), he still not completed move on, but the point is you need want to heal, fill your live with people and things that you love, you will get there, it is just matter of time, be kind and love yourself, strength is within! xo

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Hi Llola.


First of all, you are not stupid! Of course you'll still be upset over the ending of this relationship.


Second, my interpretation of your situation is that you can't get over this because you haven't forgiven yourself yet for the part you played in the end of the relationship. You jerked the guy around for years, and you're probably feeling guilty because you haven't really hashed that out with yourself.

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I think you need to look back and remember the reasons why you broke up with him all those other times. There obviously was a good reason since you did it a few times. And just because your life got difficult after the break does not mean you need to run back to something that you already knew wasnt working for you. This is the time where you need to learn to be better on your own. Theres going to be more times that you go through difficult times in life and you are not going to have much emotional support from anyone. If you learn how to create that support on your own now then you will be able to face your problems as a strong independent women. I think the reason you may be freaking out is because you probably never thought your ex would find somone else or that he would always wait for you. But just because he has been dating this girl for a year does not mean anything, he could just be comfortable or feel secure, unlike what he felt with you. Being with someone since you were a young teenager is very tough because it does hinder you from really growing up and experiencing new things. Now that you are single you need to pursue those dreams you had about traveling and meeting new people. Join a website where you can make friends, or look up sports leauges in your city and join a team. Its going to be scary at first but you HAVE to force yourself to be social. Dont think that people are just going to approach you. Most people dont get a chance to separarate from someone they've been with since highschool and end up finally doing it when they are 40!!! And by then its going to be a lot harder to do the things you want to do because your going to be older and be stuck in a career or with kids. You HAVE to believe this is the best thing that could have come your way. You would of never had a chance for change otherwise.



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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you so much for taking time to reply! It is really hard and what you say is true, deep down I think I did know that it wasn't right it just is hard to let go...but I must believe it was for something better!


Thank you

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It's very true because everytime he took me back regardless of what I did and now is the final time for me to learn the consequences of my actions which I have trust me, it has taught me sooo much about the kind of person I want to be in the future, I just don't know how to forgive myself that's the hardest part!

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