I feel so lonely now...

[Mariana345]

I'm feeling incredibly alone right now. My break up occurred about 8 months ago, I was really sad, since he was the man that I loved for so many years, the man for whom I give up a lot of dreams, for whom I settled for a lot less that I always wanted for my life hoping that just being with him will be enough.

 

After almost 5 years of relationship he decided that, after all, we were incompatible, my dreams were to big for him, that I don't need him, that he was too mad at me for ALL the problems in the relationship, so he didn't know how he felt for me anymore, that he still have feelings for me, but they were not the same.

 

I have to admit that I begged, and also thought that we were just in a "break" but after he disolved our relationship by facebook I started to accept that the break up was real. After some days of my virtual stalking him I realized that he actually left me for someone else. I am not sure if was a old friend or a new coworker, but he dating so soon was all the information that I needed.

 

I was heartbroken, but moved on with my life. In just 3 months I got back my life, I arranged to go to study abroad, move to another country, started my own business (while I travel), and have and do everything that I couldn't while in the relationship, but still feeling blue.

 

I read and read a lot of forums, books, articles about relationships, men, infidelity and of course, getting back together. After some time I realized that I lost my self steem while in the relationship, that many things happened that made me a woman that I didn't like. I got specially attached to baggage reclaim site and learned a lot. I realized that the man that had loved me for so long link removed the relationship and I didn't find it strange because we were friends, dated a few months back in high school and everything just seemed right, he seemed to really love me because wanted to spend all the time with me, called me several times at day and everything. But also remembered that just a few months in the relationship, and me being in another state he was saying that wanted to marry me and stuff and something just feel weird, I loved him but we were just getting to know each other again, after like 3 years separated since highschool.

 

I also realized that he was link removed with me, saying all of those stuff, talking about moving together, to be with me all the time but in the end he was wasting money, purchasing a lot of stuff that he didn't needed, and sometimes stuff for me that I didn't wanted (we had several fights about this, he bought me a smartphone, videogames really expensive, going out and paying for everything and I just wanted to us to save money for the moving...)

 

And the biggest problem in our relationship was his harem... A lot of female friends (and some male friends) and ex girlfriend around him and stroking his ego. The first big one was his "best friend" that actually liked him, he hughed her, lied on his lap and talk about her all the time. Even if I was there he didn't behave properly. You know, this caused a lot of problems, and I asked him to give me my place as girlfriend, and don't behave like that with her, he always said that was just a friend and once I asked him that if he would like me to behave like that with my friends and said that no, he wouldn't like it. After that he distanced himself from her and his friends didn't liked it, so I became the "bad guy". You know, that was really weird, once I went to a concert with all of them and at some point one of his friends spanked him and blamed the best friend just to see how I reacted, but I stayed calm. Since then I was really cautious around them because it seemed to me that wanted to made me mad. With some time the girl confesed and my ex just stop talking with her, or so he told me. I am not sure.

 

The problem with his ex-girlfriend was even worst. He told me that he was just with her for about 5 months because she confesed and he tried to forget me with her, but that he just couldn't develop feelings and left her. She was crazy (I think she still is) and even faked while in the relationship with him, being another person to try him to cheat on her... that said a lot of her, but I think he somehow felt guilty and stayed friends with her.

 

You know, after like a year and a half in the relationship with me someone added me on msn and start saying that my ex was cheating with his best friend, that person said that had photos, and even described how my ex was dressed that particular day ( I met him that day) and all. I was perplexed and didn't knew how to handle that situation. I didn't say anything for a while, just talked about it with my friends for advice and said that wait and see what happen. After some more time of this I couldn't endure it and talked with my ex. He was stunned and mad and told me that nothing of that was true, that he would find that person and do something about it. I was ashamed but still wary about it. After some time I found out that he show his "best friend" our msn conversation and she said that was kind of scared that someone would be stalkin them but neither of them denied it in that conversation. Yes, I found it after spying his msn record and I'm not proud of it, that I did not have enough trust of him, but that payed off later. Well, it turned out that was the crazy ex girlfriend the person who was telling me all of that. Of course she never showed me any proof, but told me a lot of stuff that my ex kind of confirmed that made me really suspicious. Well, you know, when everything started he was really mad with that person, but as soon as he found out who was, he just didn't cared. He didn't said anything to her nor tried to confront her, not ever said to stop. He actually blamed me for pay attention to her.

 

I know that he was right, If I trusted him I wouldn't listen to any that a strange would say to me, but the fact that he didn't do anything about it really made me more suspicious about it. After that, the problem with his friends and that "best friend" said to me that I couldn't count on him to protect me and be on my side. I started to thought that it was wrong of me to expect that from him. After I read link removed I saw all of that in a new light.

 

At the end I was the bad guy and no matter what, he choose his friends, those same friends that treated me so badly and that he was so mad at me that I couldn't get along with (after all, I tried for several years though).

 

I found out that link removed well. Every time that I wanted to pursue something or try anything new he was like "you can't do it", "first finish this and then you would see", "for what you want to do that" and so on. Once I asked him what he would do if I would make more money than him, and he said that would never happen... An so on.

 

Soooo... here I am, after a relationship of almost 5 years that left me withouth confidence, a lot of sadness, almost withouth dreams to pursue, just 5 years older but at the same place in life. And not only that. You know, some of my friends from highschool kind of took his side. He left me for someone else, for some months he was weird, picking fights for almost everything, even things that he liked in the past, just suddendly we couldn't handle each other. My so called friends (yes, female) invited him out just a month after he break up with me, to hang out with them. One of those "friends" was also left for a former boyfriend for someone else, so I relied in her for all of this and she goes and do that. Was really devastating, I even had no friend to rely on. Well, actually that was not true, I have my university friends, that completely understood me and encoraged me, but those other "friends" were with me for sooo many years that their betray felt worst than the break up. I just feel that I can no longer trust anyone, male or female.

 

My life these last months has revolved around my trip, but I feel so alone, like I have no one to talk to. I still miss the relationship, and in my heart feel that I would never would trust anyone to develop deep feelings. Knowing that he left me because "he didn't like what he was turning too", and find that he is worst than ever, make me really sad. You know, after I started NC I was receiving weird phone calls at work. Since I don't have a caller ID, could not know who is it, every day I was receiving those calls in which I picked up, wait a little and they hang up. Every day, until christmas (that it was a special time for us, but stayed NC all along). After that those calls have stopped, and that made feel even worst! Of course, he hasn't comunicated with me in all this time.

 

And after read a lot more books and going to therapy I know that having a relationship (not dating, being boyfriend-girlfriend, having plans and all) doesn't have to be guarantee of anything, link removed the boredom, even the ego can just appear in any phase and destroy all. That is really depressing, having to spend a lifetime being alert.

 

I feel like I can not trust in love, friendship, and forgive me but I can not trust in MEN. I am in this life all by myself, no matter how much you sacrifice, how much you achieve, how much you care or even help, betray is around the corner.

 

I know that having a relationship is not the most important thing in the world, but I want someone to share my life and love, I don't want to be one of those successfull but alone women, or one of those resigned that stay less to keep a man neither. This life has become so scary and lonely.

 

The only thing that I can do is move on, but I don't know if its worth it. I don't know if I could ever be happy again, trust again and love again. Of course I wish I could.

[John John]

I feel your pain, 100%. My ex and I were together for 5 years. It took her 5 years to decide we "weren't compatible," and because she was bored. I dont know if I will ever trust anyone ever again. Like you said, who wants to spend an entire lifetime on alert for someone to just wake up one day (no matter how long you were together) and just decide "okay, I'm done!"

 

You are not alone. You are SO not alone. Hang in there

[Bandit32]

same place as you are...the only light in the end of the tunnel i see is the train of hapiness of my ex coming in my direction to squash me

 

i also have feel alone and empty.. even having everything i need to live well... the difference was that my ex dumped me after 11years

 

you have a portuguese nick, are you portuguese?

 

hang in there, today you feel this way tomorow is a diferent day and you could bump into your soul mate

 

you had trust issues and those are the worst to live whit, not all men are alike, i was a very trustable guy to my girlfriend but in the end she told me "cant hold a relation only based in trust and good looks"

[Chalk]

 

I feel like I can not trust in love, friendship, and forgive me but I can not trust in MEN. I am in this life all by myself, no matter how much you sacrifice, how much you achieve, how much you care or even help, betray is around the corner.

 

I know that having a relationship is not the most important thing in the world, but I want someone to share my life and love, I don't want to be one of those successfull but alone women, or one of those resigned that stay less to keep a man neither. This life has become so scary and lonely.

 

The only thing that I can do is move on, but I don't know if its worth it. I don't know if I could ever be happy again, trust again and love again. Of course I wish I could.

 

Hugs. I'm scared to fall in love again. I'm scared to trust men. I'm scared that I won't be able to tell if someone is genuine or not. I'm scared of being alone. I am lonely too. Not much consolation but I understand how you are feeling.

[Mariana345]

After all I became jealous, insecure, frequently upset. mad at him and myself. And instead of leaving (as many times I wanted to) I complained, but stayed, never set the link removed . I didn't trusted my instincts, I rather wanted to trust him, but never was able to.

 

I read somewhere that if you believe that someone can be unfaithful instead of being paranoid and keep checking him/her just let them do their "stuff". If they are unfaithful then you can leave, but if they are not then you can just stop that kind of behavior. After all that I was tired, and decided that I could give him the benefit of doubt... and he show his real self.

 

But I just keep wondering, that expecting him to "protect" me, being faithful was asking too much. I don't think so, but almost feel like it.

 

Another weird thing was that when I was devastated and didn't wanted the break up he was kind with me, but after I accepted it and treat him with indiference he started to be mad at me. I never contacted him but he blocked me on facebook, and after some months even erased his account... really weird for him.

 

You know, just a few day ago I was thinking about how I behaved after the break up, and after all I was proud of myself. In all the relationship I don't remember being so proud of me... That said a lot.

 

If after all those years, and all that happened, and even after you left your first love for someone else and she doesn't talk to you, you discover that she is moving to another country and fulfilling her dreams, and seems that she is having the time of her life... Would you think that she is better withouth you? I hope so

[Mariana345]

Thank you for the support guys... it's difficult for all of us, I wish we could have a happy ending after all.

 

At least I am feeling less lonely now

[Raphiella]

You are not alone x

 

My 6 year relationship ended last year and it devastated me. I feel like it sucked the life from me and I was an empty shell. I lost my identity and a huge circle of friends (his friends) who I loved and cared for. I remember nights where I felt *so* alone I would just sit and cry so hard until I was exhausted.

 

Time will help. It sounds like you have been fairly busy anyway, but I think you can never be *too* busy when trying to move on from an ex partner. I threw myself into college (as well as full time time work), new hobbies, contacting old friends from my past and travelling. It's all helped, but I still get extremely lonely and sad sometimes.

 

I also worry about finding someone, and if I'll ever love someone as much as I loved my ex partner. I wonder how I'll cope with trusting them and what I'd be like if I was betrayed again.

[Mariana345]

Is not just my ex, my so called friends and their betrayal... I feel so alone right now. I am planing this trip, that was one of my dreams, study abroad and all, and don't feel as happy as I should. I am even afraid that if I don't go I will feel like a failure the rest of my life.

 

When I thought he was trying to contact me I was scared, and now that I feel that he is not anymore I am scared. I know that I no longer want to be with him, but still have some painful memories, still feel something for him, not as strong as it used to be, but still there... I know that I should not link all my life to someone else, but... I really thought that he was going to be my life partner...

 

The worst part is, that even if he would come back... I wouldn be happy with him again, and I am not sure I can be happy with someone else either... I really wanted to share my life with somebody

[sportsguy9981]

I think you should still go and study abroad.. during this time, you need to focus on yourself, not him or someone else. Its amazing the things you can do if you just believe and do it yourself, you dont need someone else to always tag along, you can do this. Im planning a trip this summer out west, I plan on having a blast, and I dont plan on going with anyone, I just want to go and meet up with a group and have some fun.

I'm 4 months post breakup and I get days where I actually feel like I could see myself with someone else now, its great.. I dont know who that is yet but before all I could think about was how sad I was that my ex wasn't around. Now I feel some days, not all the time but im getting there, that I need to let her go becauuse she wasnt good for me the way she ended everything by cheating and leaving me for Mr Perfect... I really think what she did hurt me so much that I'll never want her again.

You will get there as far as the healing, it takes a very long time, but traveling is one of the best things you can do right now and many people will tell you the same thing. I wish you the best, remember after every big storm comes sunshine.

[Chalk]

How long until your move abroad? I've had to start rebuilding my life due to moving cross country and I feel lonely as I've left our mutual friends (he gets to keep them cause of distance!). I've noticed that when I'm planning things a.k.a. I've got to fight to move on I feel okay but when I have a lull or achieve something I feel a bit empty and lonely. I am frustrated at myself for not being happier and get angry at myself for not being as together as others. But then I suppose grief is a slow fade out isn't it?

 

I thought my other half would be my life partner and was really shocked when he said he didn't see a future with me. Like you, I just wanted to share my life with someone and now I'm not sure if I even can (I know calling it quits after a 6 yr relationship is a bit extreme but at the moment I can't see it happening again I joke to myself that I quite like animals and will be okay with a few dogs.

 

I think studying abroad, if you want to go, will help you. You'll have to form a new life and survive. I think you may still miss him but you'll gain positives along the way. If you don't travel you won't be a failure.

 

Why are we going through this huh? Hope you feel less lonely x

[Mariana345]

yes, I'm going abroad no matter what... but still I am too hard on myself...

 

Ugh, in my way home, in the subway, I heard a woman talking by cellphone, really angry, to this man that seems cheating his wife with her... Apparently his daughter sent her angry text blaming her for her mother sickness and saying bad stuff to her, and she was mad about it.

 

At first it remember me a lot of trust issues with men and felt sick of them but after some thought I was also sick.with women!! No matter what gender they are, if people would have enough principles to not be playing around with someone else's partner all of this will be easier. I am not involving myself with someone who cheat on his girfriend or leave one partner for other, and I will not allow any kind of infidelity, the first one and that is all, even with friendship.

 

Fidelity is a matter of choice...

[BetterWithoutU]

Oh Mariana... I feel your pain, I'm over my ex now, but I feel it would be so hard to trust someone again. But believe me there are others out there like you, and me, who would never do the things your ex has done. Just look at others who have posted in response to you here. It may take time but we will both find someone, I'm sure of it. Hugs to you