Raphiella

I miss you so much. I miss you hugging me tightly in bed. I miss you kissing me good night and good morning. I miss everything we had together. ... but it was all one sided. YOU cheated on me. YOU made this happen. YOUR the reason my confidence and self esteem has been crushed. I didn't stop loving you, but this is all YOUR fault. If you had said no, we would be living together right now and possibly even be engaged. Because of what YOU did, I'm hurting... and you had the choice to say no. You made the wrong decision and you knew the pain it would inflict on me... but you did it anyway. I will never hate you. I will never forget you. I hope I can forgive you truly one day. I'll always be here for you because your punishment and consiquence for your terrible mistake is losing me... the best thing that was in your life. I would've never let you down. I loved you more than you could ever know... and you lost it. So when I think about how lonely my life seems without you, I think that I would rather feel this lonely than know that I'm with someone who doesn't respect me and who cheated on me. I don't doubt you loved me. Life and emotions are so complex, but one thing that I am SURE of, is that you definitetly had no respect for me.

Now is around the time you would normally phone me. I'm so tempted to phone you... but I can't. I've felt okay the past few days, but I am missing you right now. It's been a week a half... I've missed cuddling up to you so much. It still doesn't feel real. This is so hard. I have the biggest lump in my throat right now, trying to fight back the tears. I miss you SO much

lalalollipops - This song always gets me, too. I have that one line stuck in my head. Same with Usher's new song, Climax. That came on every single time I got in my car on Sunday (3 times)

You were my first love and I would've done anything for you... but you already knew that. It's so hard going to bed alone. Not having you kiss me goodnight or tell me you'll 'be to bed in 5 mins'. I feel like I'm just going about life in a whole other world of my own right now. It's as if I'm floating and my feet aren't on the ground. My mind is totally elsewhere. I think about you all the time. Memories keep popping into my head and upsetting me. This happens all day. I miss you more than you could ever know and although you hurt me so badly, I only wish you all the happiness and success in your life. If only things were different and we could enjoy the happiness and success together, as we originally planned. My stomach churns, my throat hurts and my heart aches 24/7. I love you so much, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.