Ex gf feelings of guilt after sex

[Thano]

Hi all!

 

To make a long story short, my ex and I were dating for the better part of 4 years when she told me that she no longer loved me. There was no other man, and this was about a year a go. We have hooked up a few times afterwards for sex but nothing in the last six months or so.

 

The other night I was locked out of my house and after texting her back and forth I convinced her to let me spend the night at hers. Once in bed for a while she could feel my boner on her, and asked me to put it away lol I told her I could not help it, one thing led to another we had sex.

 

As we were getting into it, she warned me that she would not be talking to me for a long time after this (we have stayed friends after the break up after some time of non communication, and we go to the movies, dinner etc sometimes). I told her that if she was going to stop talking to me that I did not want to have sex, I would rather stay in contact with her. She said whether or not we banged she would still not talk to me so we went ahead and did it.

 

When I tried to talk to her the next morning, she said she felt a great deal of guilt about what we had done. And that I was wrong for tricking her into sleeping with me. I responded by saying that I just needed a place to sleep, and really had no expectation of having sex with her.

 

The break up was not messy, we both cried a lot, but we did not get nasty or say a bunch of things to hurt each other. I guess she feels guilty for leaving me in the first place, and now maybe for giving me what she thinks is the impression that we might get back together?

 

I really love this person, and I would like to stay in their life either as a friend or lover, but I would much rather be her lover

 

Can anyone offer any insight or advice as to how I can help her get rid of her feelings of guilt?

 

any and all feedback is very much appreciated

[mhowe]

She is not feeling guilty for leaving you in the first place. She is feeling stupid for having sex with you because she can see it was a mistake. That you will take it like she has feeling for you still -- and she does not.

 

You cannot get rid of making her feel foolish. If you truly just needed a place to sleep, I assume she has a couch.

 

You need to just get past this --- and accept it is over. Hovering in her life has made her lose respect for you. Sleeping with you has made her lose respect for herself.

[Thano]

She has told me that she felt guilt for leaving me, but thanks for the reply...

[LonelyGirl10]

I get really mad every time my ex tries to kiss or touch me. He's tried to have sex a few times. It's hard to say no because I still miss him and want to be with him like that. But I know I would feel guilty afterward, and dislike myself for giving in to those feelings. That is probably how your ex is feeling. Torn because she wants to, but trying to resist out of respect for herself. Probably a little anger toward you for coming on to her. Which leads to feeling guilty afterward.

[Thano]

"lonelyGirl10": "It's hard to say no because I still miss him and want to be with him like that. But I know I would feel guilty afterward"

 

Why would you feel guilty after?

[mhowe]

Because the woman is letting loneliness, and not true feeling, take sway over her life.

 

The feeling of guilt comes from knowing you just did something NOT in your own best interest.

[LonelyGirl10]

"lonelyGirl10": "It's hard to say no because I still miss him and want to be with him like that. But I know I would feel guilty afterward"

 

Why would you feel guilty after?

 

I want to be in a relationship with him, and he doesn't. So I feel guilty for giving in to my loneliness and wanting him, when he broke up with me.

 

Your situation is different, but I've been there too. I initiated the breakup once, and also felt guilty for having sex with him. I knew I didn't want to officially date him, but still missed him. I felt guilty for giving in to that feeling when I knew it was wrong.

 

Sex is emotional for women. And after a breakup, most women want to prove that they are independent and don't need the man. By having sex with the ex, we are failing at that.

 

It's possible she also feels guilty for leading you on. But I doubt that since she said she wouldn't talk to you for a long time regardless of whether you had sex or not.