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How do I heal when we have kids?

Supersarahp

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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According to Lauren, Chris' favourite song is "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

 

She also said to me "when you and daddy get divorced we will all have to change out name to ***** (my maiden name)"

 

Me: "no we won't we will keep the same name"

 

Liam "if WE get married again he will have to be a ******* (our name)"

 

LOL, sounds like Liam's already posted you a profile on Match and Dating Direct!

 

Have you thought about double-barrelling it?

 

(...and the surname?

 

xoxo

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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I am quite looking forward to Easter. It is the first occasion I have looked forward to since he walked. I know it has only been 3 months but in that time we have had New Year, my dads birthday, Chris' birthday, my birthday, Liam's birthday, valentines day. I haven't enjoyed any of them. I feel different this time. It will feel strange having Easter dinner without the kids. I'm staying over at my mums Sunday night. I have the kids Sunday morning anyway to do Easter eggs and stuff so it's all good. I'm getting the best of both worlds I reckon. Kiddie Easter in the morning, adult dinner and evening. Hooray!

 

And and and I don't have to deal with sulky mcsulk who always would rear his head on family occasions.

 

And double and.... I don't have to endure a dinner with his mother. She always made pork even though she knows I hate it. So many hours I wasted fake smiling through her dinners! No more!

 

Happy Easter everyone!

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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Hah he just rang to speak to the kids. Lauren was full of beans telling him how much fun we've been having and what we have planned for tomorrow (cinema and Easter disco) and next week. He spoke to Joe and Liam as well and Liam managed to put him on hold and then cut him off. I asked Liam if he wanted to call him back but Liam said no. Chris called back so I answered as told him Liam was done. Chris started chatting away about how grown up Liam is and how you can really tell the difference between Liam and his niece. I'm thinking "why are we making small talk?" So I cut the conversation short and said:

 

"So you are collecting them 1pm Sunday and dropping them to my mum 10am Tuesday"

 

He said yes fine but went on to say what if he is granted the Tuesday off in Monday. I said it was too short notice really and he said he understood. I said if he lets me know on Monday then it will be ok on this occasion but not in future. He said ok.

 

Then he said:

 

"So how is everything with you?"

 

I said: "fine all good, busy having fun with the kids, you know"

 

Long pause.... I did not ask him how he was.

 

C: "ok well I'm gonna go then. See you on Sunday."

 

S: "ok bye"

 

C: " ok speak to you soon. Bye"

 

I can tell by his tone he is beginning to regret his actions. I feel completely in control. This was your choice mate. He wants to maintain a relationship with me but not a full one. He wants all of the rights and none of the responsibilities. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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That part belongs to the Reward package, Sarah. By *not* having tried to have your cake and eat it despite always under heavy duress-type temptation for years and years, you now get *awarded* a cake which you can keep eating yet still having. Ta-daaa!!!

 

Fate's the greatest mum and dad in the world, isn't it?

 

(And you also get to influence the weather, apparently!

 

xoxo

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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Mm-hmm. When 'my' Chris wants my attention and is in a rare good mood and not too desperate, he tends to ring and say he just wants to know if I'll be in 'tomorrow' because Joe needs to collect this/that which he forgot... whereupon he immediately and not very seamlessly sets about starting up a conversation about psychology or genetics or psycho-philosophy to draw me in. If he's desperate, there will be something or other he JUST HAS TO discuss about Joe (not). And then the next day, he doesn't turn up (and if I ask, 'Oh, oh, turns out he didn't need it after all'). Depends on how I'm feeling, whether I accommodate him or not. Certainly it's akin to feeding him sleeping pills whereby he'll tend *not* to act out for a while (which you might want to bear in mind).

 

Well done for (yet again) catching on so fast about this tactic! He's getting more and more transparent to you, now, isn't he. Soon you'll be able to see how many White to Red blood cells he has in him at any given moment, LOL. I would have said 'see what he's eaten for breakfast' but the sight of innocent, chewed and bloodied little animals all mangled up inside him probably isn't something you'd want to deliberately focus on. ;-)

 

xoxo

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nookbridge Newbie

nookbridge

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The sun is out again - Look! I always feel happier when the sun is shining.

 

I'm so paranoid now that they will close my thread as being "off topic" so just for good measure:

 

Chris is such a tool!

 

If yours is off topic, look at mine - the title is "post birthday NC - how to reply...", and it's now basically "how do move on from my ex/how to date an Aspie".

 

Fraggle's thread was closed essentially because of the little war that was going on on that thread, and I think Natters' last post kind of sealed the deal. They are not going to close it down because it is about you healing with kids, more or less.

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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I am at an Easter disco with the kids - I feel a bit lonely. Everyone is in a couple. My mum was going to come but couldn't in the end. My friend was going to come with her daughter but she got chicken pox so it's just me myself and Irene. The kids are here of course but they are dancing.

 

I'm not doing too bad. Should have brought a book lol

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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So he has collected the kids. My friend Janine was over visiting so Chris stayed outside (coward)

 

As I came out I had the kids bags and Joe was saying "where's my bag?"

 

Me: "I have it here"

 

C: "I bet that's Liam"

 

Me: "no it's Joe"

 

C: "I can't believe it's so sunny today. I am pleasantly surprised"

 

Me: "yes it's nice. I said the other day to someone that the sun would come and it did so I reckon I must be God!"

 

C: "just cos you got something right doesn't make you God"

 

Me: "yes it does and don't you forget it"

 

I said bye to the kids and gave them kisses.

 

Chris gave me this bundle of tokens that he found last time he was at the beach which is where the kids and I are going next week.

 

C: I found these last time I was there. You know the big swimming pool?

 

Me: yes

 

C: well opposite that there is an arcade. You can use them in there.

 

Me: ok. So make sure you let me know about Tuesday.

 

I started walking away

 

C: have a good Easter.

 

Me: I will. You too.

 

He is so stupid. Oh yeah a few tokens makes alllllll the difference ! Pee off you numpty.

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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I am at an Easter disco with the kids - I feel a bit lonely. Everyone is in a couple. My mum was going to come but couldn't in the end. My friend was going to come with her daughter but she got chicken pox so it's just me myself and Irene. The kids are here of course but they are dancing.

 

I'm not doing too bad. Should have brought a book lol

 

Perhaps fate put you in that position to really bring it home to you the fact that you're ready for some sort of relationship? Let's be honest - you've been devoid of a romantic relationship for utter YEARS, haven't you? So now that you're no longer living with your irritating, evil little brother, perhaps it's time to think about meeting members of the opposite sex?

 

Normally, I advise divorcees-to-be to have caution about whether they're ready for a proper relationship as opposed to just dating for the fun and stimulation (oy-oy!) of it until the divorce is over and they've got to proper grips with their new lifestyle routine and are emotionally settled again. But in your case, considering it's obvious you did 90% of your grieving whilst still inside the relationship, aren't likely to face thus need to concentrate hard on any financial safeguarding and negotiations, and the fact that you're such a super-speedy processor and Weeble, my attitude is GO FOR IT! - be open to just dating for fun and romance AND to the possibility of some meaningful union.

 

xoxo

 

PS Nookie: Yes, next time I won't try to lighten the atmosphere and antagonist with chivvying humour, I'll abandon all intellectualism and press the report button. ;-p (Don't reply to that, btw.)

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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Oh yeah - I'm still friends with Janine but am keeping her more at arms length. She came around for an hour today cos the kids wanted to do an Easter egg hunt. I don't really have any other friends in the same situation as myself so yes it is a bit "needs must"

 

Got exceptionally long arms, have you? ;-)

 

SuperOllieP it is, then!

 

xoxo

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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Orrrr...you could meet someone who likewise wants to lose weight and lose the weight *together*. ...via home aerobics. ...lots and lots of it. ...on the bounciest floor in your house. ...I think I'm being subtle but it's not working, is it, LOL.

 

xoxo

 

At this point in the proceedings THAT sounds like a bloody good idea!

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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Hahahahah I'm so bad at socialising though! Right operation find a man must commence!

 

Also - a man in any of those situations apart from the speed dating/ online is not going to just ask me out. That only happens in movies.

 

1. HALF find a man. He'll be doing the other half. One word of caution, though: YOU.. could lose weight once you've put your mind to it. But can the other person? You don't want to end up in another 'he has potential' situation only to find out its unusable, do you. So I advise you to accept an overweight man ONLY where he can show (via photos, too-big trousers, etc) he's already *begun* losing weight OR he's achieved something else meaty with his sheer force of willpower.

 

2. No, it happens in real life and is reflected in movies. Either that or I'm Marilyn Bleedin' Monroe, my elder sister is Jane Mansfield, and countless other people who 'bumped' into someone, whom I know or know of, are also but figments of their (and some director's) imagination.

 

Nice try, though. (Conclusion: ready only 6 out of 10, needs to wait a bit longer)

 

xoxo

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Supersarahp Rookie

Supersarahp

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1. HALF find a man. He'll be doing the other half. One word of caution, though: YOU.. could lose weight once you've put your mind to it. But can the other person? You don't want to end up in another 'he has potential' situation only to find out its unusable, do you. So I advise you to accept an overweight man ONLY where he can show (via photos, too-big trousers, etc) he's already *begun* losing weight OR he's achieved something else meaty with his sheer force of willpower.

 

2. No, it happens in real life and is reflected in movies. Either that or I'm Marilyn Bleedin' Monroe, my elder sister is Jane Mansfield, and countless other people who 'bumped' into someone, whom I know or know of, are also but figments of their (and some director's) imagination.

 

Nice try, though. (Conclusion: ready only 6 out of 10, needs to wait a bit longer)

 

xoxo

 

 

Booo! I wanna be ready now! *foot stamp*

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