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Text relationship with ex flame - Also I'm out of control

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Long story short. After 4 years I am still in contact with an ex flame whom I care very much about. We have seen eachother with all occasions being extremely difficult for me about 3-4 times in the same amount of years. I am usually the initiator however she doesn't seem to mind and is very receptive to it and tells me what shes up to that day / night and it is always such a pleasant and thorough conversation and lately it has been quite often. Sending eachother pictures of things etc. I absolutely love talking to her, I guess that's part of it. She is currently single and has happen to meet a couple of my friends by chance and shown interest in them discounting what we had and how long ago it was. It's very painful for me to think about her doing that but I still care for her deeply.


I am always in the process of meeting new people and going out and seeing other people it just has never come close to what I am looking for. I dated a different girl for 6 months and was treated horribly and it was always break up, go back on multiple occasions and I currently am STILL suscepting myself to it. Also am in contact with umpteen other women and I just feel I am out of control right now. I didn't have a phone for a day or 2 and it was awesome.


I just want to delete myself from everything I have done. All social media, all previous engagements with people EVERYthing. I am always looking to date the next girl while still knowing I am in love with someone else I never see. And likely hurting people's feelings in the process.


I'm so pathetic.

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Here is my advice. Four years ago, as you admit yourself, is a long time. You two are probably completely different people than you were four years ago....


If you still love her, why not just take the plunge, and ask her on a date. You never know how long she will be single. She could meet her Prince Charming tomorrow and you've missed any chance you had at sweeping her off her feet.


The worst she can do is say no, and what would really be worse than where things are now: loving someone silently from afar, knowing it will never be anything more because you've decided it can't go anywhere? Why put yourself in an arbitrary box and say nothing can come of this? Even if you're rejected, you can put the thoughts to rest knowing you've done everything in your power. You'll have put the 'what-if's to bed for good.

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Hi Missy May,


Thank you for taking the time to read and respond and really appreciate you being positive. We may be different people, but define different. I spoke to her briefly yesterday and the day before just about various things. I plan to ask her out again. She told me she tried with me and gave up and she could never go back when we were talking about my friend and her. But since we have been speaking quite often. I just need to man up and ask her out as a few of my friends have told me. It's very difficult seeing her updates etc etc through various social media platforms and messaging platforms.


Loving someone silently from afar is exactly what I'm doing as I do it day to day. I'm going to ask her out sometime this week or on the weekend. I will be prepared for the worst.

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I've talked to her 4 days in a row now. Doesn't mean a thing. I feel I am being way too nice, saying too nice of things. When we were dating she said she didn't like when guys were too too nice. She's been sick all month so we've talked alot about that. I may reach out to her soon and say lets get together soon!


But I feel that has to come from her. Bah. Just want things to start rolling with her and I'm set!!

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If you really want to ask her out, and have been talking to her for 4 days straight, I'd cut off contact for a week.


Then wait for her to get back to you - presumably asking what you have been up to. Tell her life got busy, but you were thinking it would be cool if you met up for coffee or something. And don't apologize for not talking with her or disappearing for a week. It shows her you have other things going on.

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  • 4 months later...

Update here. Still in constant communication - Feel we are getting a little closer but of course this is all with text.


Seems like she is content with the "texting relationship" we have.


She put an update from a song in her messaging profile as "tired of the typical, waiting on the wonderful"


Kind of erked me.

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  • 3 weeks later...



So after continuing communication with her, showing eachother songs we both like, and texting her at 2:45am she has told me she misses my face and then asked me to see her soon. It was 3 in the morning and she had clearly been drinking lots.


I msged her the next day to see maybe if she wanted to take anything back that she said. There was no mention of taking it back because she was drunk however no mention of seeing her either. I think I have pushed her away yet again due to the fact I have messaged her 4 out of 5 days.


Tough part is that we broke up originally because I always expected her to reach out. Now I'm driving myself crazy because I don't know whether to follow up and try to arrange/set a date/time? Or just let it go. It is something I still want and there is a reason we are still in communication.


It really is driving me crazy, as I just don't know if she remembers asking me, if I should follow up and put her on the spot, or if I should just leave it and let her come to me.


Letting her come to me just feels like I wouldn't be a man by following up on seeing her. Any suggestions for this tough scenario?

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***Another Update***


After continuing communication, all initiated by me; we continue to chat with no mention of seeing eachother. I may have initiated too much communication without offering some type of challenge. I may have pushed her away as I don't feel she is doing her share to make this happen.


Now I'm really not sure how to follow up as I have probably initiated communication too much now even though it has been welcomed with thorough conversation although not as thorough as I would like.


This weekend is the weekend I follow up with her Saturday as she leaves for a bit of a trip for a few days near the end of next week.

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