Being friends with the intention of more, with my ex

[Jennifer89]

I posted a few days, saying that I was considering trying to make things work again with my ex fiancée. For full details please look up the thread, but in short:

 

My ex apologized for breaking up with me 7 months ago, admitted his faults and wants to try again.

 

So I had another discussion with him to see how he wanted to try. I still love him and he still loves me, but we both want to take it slow and become comfortable with each other again before making the bf/GF title official.

 

Well, that easy to say, harder to do. The problem is that we are already feeling too comfortable together, he says the same thing. Keep in mind that this all started on Monday. Monday night I initiated sex even though I wasn't completely sure I wanted to be with him. Tuesday I didn't call him bc I was trying to figure out if I should risk being with him again. Wednesday I had him over to talk some more and we discussed what it meant to be friends and work towards getting back together again. We both agreed that we wouldn't be seeing other people while seeing if we should start daring again. Today he stopped in the middle of his work day, which isn't easy as he's normally caked in flour and dough (bread baker), and sent me a text saying "thinking of you" then dropped by after work for a minute.

 

The thing is that we have a wild and passionate connection, sexually and as friends. All I want to do with him is flirt, kiss, hold hands, talk and go out. I want to feel his body and look into his beautiful eyes and... All the things a bf/GF would do. And he clearly wants the same. But we both agreed to start as friends and see if we felt good together and then to try dating if we wanted to. And to move slow in order to rebuild trust together.

 

I guess my question is, when you have this wildly passionate love for a guy you would have married and he feels the same for you... How do you be friends in a place like where we are? How do I slow down and just enjoy our time together now as friends? What exactly does being friends in a situation like ours mean?

 

I keep thinking of him as my boyfriend but he's not. I want to tell my family and friends we are dating again but we aren't there quite yet. I need to slow down and be less in love right now but I can't. I love him and I have loved him for over three years now.

[DN]

I see no point in this 'slowing down' idea - you need to move forward and providing you are both sure of what you are doing, then slowing down will not serve you.

[LikeWater]

I don't really know what to tell you.

 

It seems to me you're both making things more complicated than they have to be. You've both said you want to start as friends, but let's be real, you're not friends. You're ex's trying to reconcile. You don't initiate sex with a friend, you don't flirt and kiss with a friend, and so on.

 

Why not let things happen naturally instead of focusing on minute details like titles and imposing restrictions on yourselves simply for the sake of having restrictions? If he clearly wants the same things you do, as you say he does, why are you both trying to start off as 'friends'?

 

The whole thing doesn't make a lot of sense to me, honestly, so I don't know what to tell you.