Not sure what to do...

[Krikkit]

I recently met a wonderful person...we hit it off and became instant friends. I love being around her...we share so many common interests, our personalities mesh well...I've never felt so comfortable around anyone my entire life. I thought about asking her out, but when we were eating dinner one night, she recounted her "life dating story" and told me she'd been dating this guy for over a year. I just wrote it off, even though I really liked her, and resolved to be just good friends. However, signals that I thought I'd been getting from her persisted, and I soon found out from a mutual friend that she is thinking about breaking up with her current beau to date me...we've discussed our mutual attraction once or twice, and spend a lot of time together, but I don't want her to do something she's going to regret (like break up) down the road. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with her current relationship (even after over a year), but the signals she's sending are getting continually stronger. She and I are different religions, and her current boyfriend shares her religion...this is another possible stumbling block to a relationship. Basically, I don't want her to mess up a perfectly good relationship just because of me, and I don't want anyone to get hurt (such as her current boyfriend) unnecessarily. I feel kind of guilty, like I've somehow put her in this position where she's torn between us, and I'm not sure what to do...I know it's her decision...I just don't want her to regret it. Also, we haven't known each other that long (even if I feel like I've known her forever), so I guess I should just wait it out...I just don't want either myself or her current boyfriend to get drug along, and I don't want her to end up hurt...

[zb]

It could be that her relationship with her boyfriend is not as good as you may think..........everyone thought my ex-fiancee and I were doing good and I was put on the shelf over over a year.........I just kept smiling and trying to pretend that we were still together, until one day I woke up.

 

If there is truly no problems with her relationship you must ask what you will do when you have a good relationship with her and she starts to look hang out with another guy............I mean you might be freaked out knowing that she does not seem to value a good relationship much.

 

Chances are though that if she is giving you signals that there is something wrong with her current situation............ ask her about it

[ezila]

It sounds like you've already got it figured out, and I think that waiting it out is the best plan of action for you.

 

I commend you for your thoughtfulness, though.

[rvr350]

Thanx for posting. I think you're very nice guy, and doesn't want anybody to get hurt. It's very common, but you have to make a stand. Ask yourself if you want a relationship, because it'll be very unfair to the girl if you realize that's not what you want couple months down the road.

 

From what you write, she's attracted to you as well. Being as nice a guy as you are, you're always there for her, and most likely her bf isn't, she'll depend on you more and more. We all like being depend upon, cuz it feels good. But the critical thing is, are you trying to save her from a troubling relationship, or are you trying to have a serious relationship with her. Do not enter a relationship because you think that she'll be better off with you, even though your personalities and everything matches. You deserve a girl that loves you for who you are, not because you're always nice to her, always available.

 

I have similar situation as yours, and I ended up hurt very bad. I loved the girl, but she kept running back and forth to her ex and me. If you do love the girl, tell her you'll wait for her until the dust settles, and start from scratch. Do not let her have the impression that you have to live up to her ex-bf's expectation. I hope that helps.

[jamin]

I am also in a similar position. I met a great girl who has so much in common with me. She started dating her boyfriend about a month before we met. We are friends but I get mixed signals from her. As in your case, the decision is up to her. I am happy with just having a good friend. If anything more happens, lucky me I can also relate to the current boyfriend - he is a good guy and it would suck if she left him.

[brandos lovechild]

don't let her dilemma become yours as well, keep your eyes open for girls with a tiny bit less baggage. good luck

[Krikkit]

Thanks for all the advice! I'd love to date her, but I'm also quite content to have her just as a really good friend. I guess I'll just wait and see how her current relationship turns out, and I definitely don't want to push things.