Do You Require Daily Communication in Relationships?

[allcity]

Absolutely, there's nothing wrong at all with daily communication if both people want it and enjoy it. The problem is when one person demands it and will actually dump someone if they don't get it (as the OP suggested), even if the other person loves them but just has a very busy life that means they can't always be available 24/7. That's where (for me at least) things get a bit weird. I'd feel totally suffocated by that kind of attitude. Each to their own, though.

[Polis]

I tend to like daily communication if possible. As long as I know the relationship is going well I don't need daily but prefer it. It helps reinforce we are interested with each other. Although the girl I'm dating now doesn't contact me usually, I'm always the one to do the contacting, which does make me wonder if it's just how she is or there is another reason.

[EssexMan]

Although the girl I'm dating now doesn't contact me usually, I'm always the one to do the contacting, which does make me wonder if it's just how she is or there is another reason.

 

When you're in a text conversation, do you consciously take it in turns (you/her/you/her)? Or does one of you sometimes send several in a row?

 

Just curious. We tend to pretty much take it in turns. Less so with email, where I often just forward her stuff I've come accross that I think might be of interest. (Because I spend far more time nosing around the Web while she's actually keeping the country running )

[becomingkate]

Just curious, for those who need or want to hear from their SO while they're at work, why?

 

My husband works some pretty long hours (sometimes gone from 6 am to 8 pm) and if I need to deal with a bank or car loan in his name, or if I have to talk to him about the kids, I send a text. He responds by texting back or if he has time, he calls.

 

Last year I was having problems getting him to call me back, and we spoke about it a couple of times. It wasn't that he isn't allowed to call me, it was more like he put me on the back burner for an hour, then forgot about me! But when that happened, I wasn't able to get things done and it caused an issue - particularly since I pay every bill, shop for all the food & clothing, do all the cooking, all the errands and make most of the decisions. I basically had to tell him that he was going to have to take his responsibilities back if he wasn't going to give me five minutes during the day - which I know he has because I used to work with him and I know his schedule.

 

So after we worked it out, I started texting "please call when you have a free minute" and he usually calls within the hour. It's made a big difference.

[Deciduous]

Bloomin 'eck! Well I did ask! I thought No-Contact was meant to happen after a break-up, not as a precursor.

 

When I've had serious boyfriends travelling out of town, they usually get in contact fairly often. Not because I demand it, but becaus they can't wait to share their thoughts and experiences. Part being in a relationship is having some-one to share your inner life, opinions and world view with. They may not always agree with it, but they get to hear it.

 

I never thought of this as OTT. I always thought of this as the ebb and flow of emotional intimacy.

 

I must say that I never saw them as needy or clingy or checking up on me. Or visa, versa. To me it's part of the normal, daily stream of consciousness that goes on between couples in a relationship. "Did ya record Star Trek Voyager for me, luv" "The hotel's a dump." "My colleague is getting on my nerves" "How's that wisdom tooth?" "Don't worry, you'll ace that job appraisal." "I read a great article in the Sunday newspapers on the plane, you have to see it?" ..etc...etc.

 

You mention is that you find this type of daily emotional interaction unhealthy. Yet if you can't share your inner world with your partner in all of its mundane glory, then who can you share it with?

 

I really would be reluctant to label my boyfriend as "all consuming" "incomplete" and "unable to function as a human being," because he wants to chat about his journey, his verruca and how well the business meeting went. Alternatively if I was with a man who found me OTT because I was interested hearing it from day to day, then I'd have to say we were emotionally incompatible.

 

I'm not critising relationships that operate with the distance described in your post, just that I am curious how they keep the emotionally intimacy and connection going. There are no right or wrong answers to this thread, but I was interested to hear your views.

 

Deci

[lenni]

I couldn't agree with this more. Is this something that happens early on for you, or only after a time of dating, not having this level of interaction until 'awhile' into the relationship?

[Polis]

When you're in a text conversation, do you consciously take it in turns (you/her/you/her)? Or does one of you sometimes send several in a row?

 

Just curious. We tend to pretty much take it in turns. Less so with email, where I often just forward her stuff I've come accross that I think might be of interest. (Because I spend far more time nosing around the Web while she's actually keeping the country running )

 

We take turns usually; only a few texts at the end of the day. If she is alone and free she'll text frequently but I nearly always initiate. It could be I don't give her a chance to initiate as well. We really like each other but she is nervous and scared about this whole thing.

[allcity]

I should point out that in some past relationships I've been an everyday texter/caller and enjoyed it. My last relationship was with someone that went into freak-out mode when she wouldn't hear from me daily, though, and she also called and texted me non-stop to the point where it drove me completely nuts and caused me to break up with her, so that's the main reason why I'm so far on this side of the fence at the moment. It's really made me appreciate my space.

 

And ha ha @ "Bloomin 'eck!" Deci. You sure you're a Londoner?

[Polis]

"Did ya record Star Trek Voyager for me, luv"

 

I would never date someone who watches Star Trek Voyager without doing so in irony.

[blueidealist24]

Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

[Pinnacle]

I can go a week(s) and not think anything of it. Do I love my siblings any less because I don't talk to them all the time? Of course not.

[Jennifer89]

I don't communicate that much with my bf, but since his cell is currently out of minutes we use Facebook chat, so he can only talk to me when he's home on fb. I won't lie, I would love to chat more, but it is what it is.

 

In a way, i actually like that we don't chat as much, it gives us more to talk about in person. I know he thinks about me often bc his coworkers, who I've hung out with twice, know me really well and seem to really respect me, I know from what they say that he talks to them about me... Good things. So that makes me feel good, even if we are not chatting daily he still thinks about me often.

[EssexMan]

I can go a week(s) and not think anything of it. Do I love my siblings any less because I don't talk to them all the time? Of course not.

 

But sibling relationships are qualitatively different from SO relationships for most people, surely?

[Jennifer89]

But sibling relationships are qualitatively different from SO relationships for most people, surely?

 

Agreed. I keep up with my sis via her Facebook updates but don't call often. I don't feel the need to talk to her a lot. If there's a problem she'll call me.

 

My bf is different. I communicate bw seeing him in part bc I think about him and want him to know that. I also want to know that he's thinking about me... I wouldn't want him to go an entire day without thinking "I wonder what Jennifer is up to?" That doesn't meen he has to call me and ask, but it's nice to know I'm in his thoughts.