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Just Lost my girlfriend of 5 years Please Help ME


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My girlfriend and I had a five year relationship. We met when she was 16 and I was 18. We've grown and experianced so much through the years and I'm having a really diffucult time knowing how do deal with losing my girlfriend/ my best friend. I now it usaully doesnt happen when you meet so young but I truly thought we would get married and have envisioned doing so many times. Needless to say, I'm really scared about not having her by my side any longer, I'm also really disappointed that it's all over after all the energy put into our relationship all the day dreams of having a family together and traveling gone.


She just broke up with me monday 10-1-04, over the past 3 days shes told me that shes wants to get back together 4 times and then went back on what she said the same day. Obviously shes confused. She's told me that she wants to be friends and that we're still going to hang out all the time, but she doesnt have the feelings for me as a boyfriend anymore. We'll I'm thinking that shes going to fade out of my life, and I'm going to be left with the same feelings. I'm still grasping to the hope of giving her space and letting her come back to me.


Am I foolish to think she'll ever come back? Am I best just cutting of contact from her or being her friend and hoping she'll come back. I don't want to put myself through talking to her and having her mess with my emotions but I havent found the strength to just quit answering when she calls. I guess my real question is, from your experiance, has it ever paid to wait for someone you really cared about or once it's over is it usaully over for good.


I know this isnt written the best but any words of advice would help me so much. Thanks for the help

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I am so sorry about your situation. I know that it is really hard, especially when you have been so close to someone for so long. The break up is early, so deal with it the best way you can right now. Talk to her if you need to. Ask her questions. Cry. However, eventually you should initiate NC just so that you can try and move on. I'm not saying that means you guys will never get back together, I'm just saying that NC is the best way to heal yourself.


Hang in there. This site is the best. So many people have helped me. We are all here for you.

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I feel for you dude. I am going through some rough times myself with my girlfriend of 2 years, whom I thought I was going to marry.


Anyways, if you talk decide to talk with her, point out that you guys have been together 5 years and invested so much time and love and memories together that it would be a tragedy to waste.


But in answer to your question:


No, it has never paid off for me, but then again I was never in a relationship as long as yours. Yours is a unique relationship in that you have been together through your young years and it has lasted as long as it has. Thats rare, especially in this day and age.


The old saying goes "If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, it was meant to be, and if they dont, then it never was"


You are not foolish to think she will come back, and I wouldnt contact off either. If she keeps calling you, tell her that she needs time figure out what she wants, and to give you a call when she is clearheaded and ready to discuss things. Her calling and being confused isn't doing much good for you and her.


Why did she break up with you?

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Thanks for the advice,



She broke up with be because she wants to be able to spend all her time with her friends and not have to feel guilty about going out to the bars and going over to friends houses. I guess thats what you get with someone thats so young

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Im sorry about what happened. I know how hard it is especially the first two weeks of breaking up. you should give her space for at least two months. Thats enough time I think for her to get out of her state of confusion and to make a rational decision. Think of what Einstein once said " We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them" I think that you gotta be smart about dealing with this. Any wrong move can seriously screw your chances of getting back together. I have devised a plan for you:


1. Tell her you want your space and that you dont want to talk to her or see her for a while. Make it brief and to the point. Its always best to be short and concise. It has more impact. Do not do this in person, you might chicken out when you see her. Whats the best way? Seriously, an email. I know it sounds bad, but its the safest way cuz you'll avoid having to explain things to her and go back on your decision. Send her a poem if you want. Here is a good one : columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran2.html


2. Erase yourself from her life for two months. That should give her time to think things thru and to miss you. (its been two months since I broke up with my bf, we havent talked or seen each other. Ive done lots of thinking and realized how much I love him. and right now I miss him so much that if he asked me to marry him, I would but he hasnt come back.)


3. It would be nice if you had a "source" that knew her and could tell you how she is coping. After two months, go to her and ask her if she wants to start over. If the answer is yes, you gotta do all you can to make the relationship last until she turns 24 and then you propose.


GOSH ! I think I figured your life out for you and i dont even know you ~ actually, I have to study right now and im totally procrastinating

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1st off im very sorry for your loss i know i would be devistated if my boyfriend broke up with me and weve only been dating 10 months...i have to say that i dont think her age had much to do with it why i dunno but it just doesnt fit...anyway i have an ex who i dated for 8 months and he cheated on me so we broke up after a while we started talking again and i still have some feelings for him and we even discussed getting back together but then i started dating my current boyfriend so nothing happened my advice is to stay good friends like my ex and i have. we talk at least once a week on the phone and talk online almost every night...its good to know he is their if i need him and visa versa...we have helped eachother through a lot over the last 2 years...like you said youve both grown so much with eachother and if i can have that much happen to me in 8 months im sure 5 year is just chalk full of memories and im sure you dont want to loose that so keep in touch with her and if you get back together then you do if not well then maybe it was ment to be and youll meet someone else who will be even better but this way your exs friendship is still their to support you

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I'm so sorry to hear about that man. Here are a couple of things. It is typical girl BS to think you can be "on a break" or "friends."


I'm sure guys do this too, but I swear to god, my ex thinks FRIEND and SUCKER are the same word with different spellings.


Just out of curiosity. Were you living together? For how long? (surely not all 5 years)


This will be a tough bit no matter how it turns out.

Good luck.

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Thank you so much for the advise, your great people to give such well thought out advice to a stranger. Thanks for your time and thoughts.

It's been day one of me not answering when she calls and I admit that it's already been hard, but I think it's clear what I must do.

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