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Distance, self esteem, rocky pasts, help???


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I have an intricate and complicated love story for such a young person, and I'm in need of some tips, anything will be helpful, it's a lengthy story, but here it goes:


I met my current boyfriend a year and a half ago, and we had an instant passionate encounter, he was by far the most amazing, handsome, caring man I have ever come into contact with, so naturally I quickly fell for this incredible man. Enter problems. When we first met I was still in high school, and he had five and a half years on me, not to mention a two year old son. For me that was fine, I fell in love with this man, and I took him as he was, wouldn't change a thing. My parents, not so much. For a year we were forbidden to see or talk to each other. Threatened with jail time, and other things from my parents (who I do recognize were just trying to protect their little girl, as any parent should) it was the most stressful time of my life. We would try to sneak around, get caught, heart break over and over. During this time I was in an insane amount of depression where I drowned myself in bad decisions, alcohol, and fake adoration with random boys that I only pretended were him. We both made poor decisions that shattered each others worlds over, and over. But still, we couldn't give up. We kept trying.


Finally after I graduated high school I broached the topic of him with my parents, for the umpmillionth time, prepared to once again, fight like hell, and this time they agreed to meet him. So we had him over for dinner, slowly they warmed up, and eventually fell in love with him like I knew they would, and I was finally allowed to have this amazing man completely in my life. But things were different... The past year hadn't just bruised us, it had broken us. While we were being pieced back together by finally being able to be together, we still have our scars.


He was different, still the man I love, but different. Before me he had had absolute failures with his past relationships, every girlfriend he's ever had cheating on him, or leaving him for another man, not excluding the woman he had his child with. After this past year of struggle, where I had been with others, as had he, his anger, jealousy, and need for control skyrocketed. We are both passionate people, and when we fight, we fight. It's messy. But slowly we took steps to get better, and now the plot thickens.


As we were on our way to healthy, I left the country. I'm in my second month out of five away from home. I knew it would be hard on our relationship, but it has been more than hard. His jealousy, and control, is not only back to the way it was, but worse. To add on to that, the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on, has encountered extreme self esteem issues. I have trouble leaving my house with out him having a freak out. His anger has gotten out of control, and I don't know what to do. I can't abandon this man I love so dearly. He recognizes that he has problems, and knows they aren't healthy for either of us. He has started counseling, but I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells to avoid a fight, or a serious spout of jealousy. I've been working on myself, being more open and vocal about my adoration for him, I'm trying to be as openly supportive and encouraging as I can be, and sometimes it's good, our relationship, is magical like it was. But other times.....


What can I do? What can he do? What can we do? I'm willing to try anything to make it through this with him. He is coming down to see me, and it will be three months apart for us when I finally lay my eyes on him. What can I do? Please help....

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If you're willing to 'try anything to make it through this with him,' then he has zero incentive to change. In your shoes, I'd tell him that I adore him but won't live like this. I need to walk away while I still love him, because until he seeks and masters the help he needs, I'm an impediment to his healing.


You're being manipulated, and your buy in is ruining your life--and his. He needs to stand on his own two feet, and you need to stop enabling him in his avoidance of doing so.


If you want to meet this man on higher ground someday, you'll both need to do what it takes to get there by yourselves. Otherwise, this is a downward spiral for both of you.

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