3 Dates planned for this week..

[Imtheretoo]

Hey ENA,

 

Posted an earlier thread about a girl I'm seeing that I am really into.

 

Cliffs: - Culturally, physically, mentally, etc. compatible (met on a dating site).

- This previous Saturday was our second date.

- I never kiss on a first date, just a rule I tend to abide by.

- Made out at three different bars. Put her hand around mine during walk after to sober up.

- Overall, we have undeniable chemistry.

 

I never send emails. I just receive them, review, and decide whether I want to initiate further contact. Well, I've been getting emails from attractive, intelligent, and interesting women. I've always kept myself from dating multiple people at the same time, mostly based on principle, I wouldn't want the girl dating multiple men.

 

But here I am, stuck. I have three dates this week, one pending with the girl mentioned above (haven't made plans yet, too early in the week). One part of me really wants to cut contact with the rest and focus on aforementioned girl, but the other, is hesitant about placing too much hope into a fresh beginning with someone I "barely" know.

 

Anyone been here? I need advice so I don't hurt anyone.

[Throwaway999]

I never send emails. I just receive them, review, and decide whether I want to initiate further contact. Well, I've been getting emails from attractive, intelligent, and interesting women. I've always kept myself from dating multiple people at the same time, mostly based on principle, I wouldn't want the girl dating multiple men.

 

I can't offer any advice, just wanted to say - Wow, really? What's your secret? Are you rich and really good looking, or what?

 

From reading on here, I was under the impression that women never contacted anybody first on online sites because they were bombarded with emails from guys. After reading of others' experiences here, I decided to take the plunge the other day and shot off some messages to a few different women on a site after setting up my profile. Now, I'm not even seriously looking for anything, this was more of an experiment, but I am striking out big time.

 

So far, I got nothing, nada, and zilch for responses. I varied my messages depending on their profile - some I sent were more earnest, some were smart-assed. I tried to mention something from their profile to show that I had actually read it and that we had similar interests or had something in common. It has been a couple of days and they've all logged on since then, so they must have seen the messages by now, but I didn't even get so much as a "Please don't message me again, jerk." I feel like if I send one message and they don't respond, it'll just come accross as pushy to try to contact them further? So, since there were only a handful of women on this site I was even interested in in the first place, apparently I've now alienated all of them.

 

Anyway, I'd rather have your problems!

[abitbroken]

If you are seeing a girl you are really into, I wouldn't be eager to go on dates with others. You can always contact the others in a week or three if date #3 and #4 with the first girl is a bust. I would seriously try to see if you guys are compatible in other ways (not sex, but what you are both looking for, etc) to either weed the first girl out or decide to continue dating. If you hadn't made out with Girl #1 and were still at the stage of actually talking on dates, I might be more inclined to say "whatever makes you happy."

 

If you really are set on meeting someone else, I would not date 3 different girls during a week - so easy to go to another's favorite hang out and see them or get into the trap of comparing/liking a little about each, etc, and not deciding. Or it being a competition!

 

So, go with your gut, if you like this girl, go out with her some more and then decide whether you want to not go on another date and see another, etc.

[Imtheretoo]

I would admit that I am handsome. I'm 6'0 and in the gym 4-5 days a week on a strict diet, so I take good care of my body. But the compliment that I always get is about my smile (thanks mom and dad for the braces!) . I'm definitely not rich, but I do have a fairly intriguing career which most find interesting and serves for much conversation.

 

Honestly it depends on the site. Paid sites will usually have more willing women, because they're just as inclined to find something meaningful. Don't worry though, everyone gets rejected - it's just the nature of online dating, and dating in general.

 

Just be yourself. Besides physical attraction, what I find worked best for me is that my profile comes off feeling very genuine and down-to-earth. "I hope you reply to me because I found your profile very refreshing! The part about exuding morality in particular. I don't see that very often." - Quote from initial email from my Wednesday date. You need to distinguish yourself, but without going overboard.

[Imtheretoo]

I'm actually not feeling too eager at this point, but I feel obligated because cancelling so late would be rude. Besides kissing we have not done anything yet. I usually jump into bed relatively quick, 2-3 weeks, but I have no intention with this girl. Conversation is relatively free flowing and we make one another laugh, which is actually more important to me than sex right now.

 

Good advice. Thanks.

[Throwaway999]

Hmm, I tried writing something like that initially, but it just came accross as sounding too hokey. If I tried to write anything earnest and heartfelt then I just pictured somebody rolling their eyes when they read it! I went with a more tongue in cheek thing instead, but maybe that isn't coming accross the right way. It seemed pretty hard to combine the two - I can be a cynical, sarcastic bastard who can joke about anything, but I also have a heart of gold, I'm loyal and trustworthy to a fault. Sincere and a bit idealistic but I also have a very dark sense of humor. I don't know how to describe myself in a way that a woman I would be interested in would find appealing. I mean, not like I read a woman's two paragraphs and think that sums up the entirety of her essence. I'm more just looking for people that look interesting enough to want to meet in person.

[desmondhume]

Just wondering, what dating site are you using? I'm kinda wondering the same thing as Hazlewood.

[Throwaway999]

UPDATE: Just received a "Thanks, but no thanks" from one of them. This is much more preferable than never hearing anything at all. I vow to do the same should any woman I'm not interested in actually bother to send ME a message...

[Imtheretoo]

Just wondering, what dating site are you using? I'm kinda wondering the same thing as Hazlewood.

 

I'm using OKC, POF, and Jdate. POF I get constant emails, but I'm rarely interested in anyone on there. I just flirt but it's a notorious hookup site, and I'm just not interested in that. OKC is a more sophisticated version of POF with a slightly better user base. Jdate is where I've met quality women, and where I met girl #1 and #2. I have tried Match in the past and it's okay - nothing special.

 

Beyond that, I forgot to mention something vitally important. Don't take pictures of yourself and post them. Most guys make this mistake and wonder why women are not responding to the loner. The other is, make sure you smile and appear happy. Seeing someone enjoying a moment makes others gravitate and peaks interest. If you're wondering why I am on a dating site in the first place; I hate chasing women.

[Imtheretoo]

UPDATE: Just received a "Thanks, but no thanks" from one of them. This is much more preferable than never hearing anything at all. I vow to do the same should any woman I'm not interested in actually bother to send ME a message...

 

Keep trying, man. "Thanks, but no thanks" sounds like Match if this was a click-response. Pretty brutal on there. I dated someone from there twice, and the first let me see her view count on profile, 2100 compared to my 400. Pretty depressing really, lol.

[desmondhume]

I'm using OKC, POF, and Jdate. POF I get constant emails, but I'm rarely interested in anyone on there. I just flirt but it's a notorious hookup site, and I'm just not interested in that. OKC is a more sophisticated version of POF with a slightly better user base. Jdate is where I've met quality women, and where I met girl #1 and #2. I have tried Match in the past and it's okay - nothing special.

 

Beyond that, I forgot to mention something vitally important. Don't take pictures of yourself and post them. Most guys make this mistake and wonder why women are not responding to the loner. The other is, make sure you smile and appear happy. Seeing someone enjoying a moment makes others gravitate and peaks interest. If you're wondering why I am on a dating site in the first place; I hate chasing women.

 

I don't mean to hijack your thread, but you seem to be pretty successful for a guy on a dating site, and I'd like to know what you're doing.

 

I've used link removed, and I wasn't very impressed. Some women favorite me and like me, but send very few messages, and they don't appeal to me anyway. The messages I send out never receive replies. I'm a handsome guy too who takes good care of his body, and I'm doing well financially (though my job probably isn't as cool as you make your's out to be). I have a large variety of hobbies and things I've done that I mention in my profile that could catch someone's interest and make for good conversation. I'm 2 years younger than you, by the way, so not so far off. I don't have any self-taken pictures, but there are some pictures of just me. Would you recommend only putting ones up with friends? While I have some good solo pictures, it's been a while since I've had a good one of me with a group.

 

Maybe I should look into Jdate?

 

And as far as your dilemma, I think you can afford to place some time into one girl for a bit. After all, if it doesn't work out, you probably have plenty of others to choose from later, right?

[Imtheretoo]

I do design work for an advertising company, so when women hear the clients I work for they immediately have questions, but my job isn't what carries a conversation. All my pictures are of just me, but it's clear I've cropped out people. I wouldn't include pictures with women, even with captions, it's hard to make a distinction for another woman. "Friend" leaves so much to interpretation. You could do pictures with friends, but make sure you're the most attractive guy in the photograph, lol. I never understand why some women choose to show off their more attractive friend, because that's exactly where the focal point becomes for men.

 

Try it if you're Jewish. I'm half so I can always admit to being on there for a reason.

 

There will always be women, but connecting with someone is important, and unfortunately, or fortunately, however you perceive the situation - I need to decide how to handle this delicately so I don't lose a better partner.

[Throwaway999]

Don't take pictures of yourself and post them. Most guys make this mistake and wonder why women are not responding to the loner.

 

Hmm, that just strikes me as bizarre. I have never thought about this when looking at other people's photos. I mean, I'm trying to see what they look like, I don't really care if they have friends in the shot or not. Not like I would assume that if somebody has no group pictures that they are a troubled, friendless loner!

[Imtheretoo]

Hmm, that just strikes me as bizarre. I have never thought about this when looking at other people's photos. I mean, I'm trying to see what they look like, I don't really care if they have friends in the shot or not. Not like I would assume that if somebody has no group pictures that they are a troubled, friendless loner!

 

Just to clarify, I meant as in; don't stand in front of a mirror with your cellphone/camera and take one. Completely different if someone else is taking your photo.

 

Edit: I have seen countless disclaimers on women's profiles that they avoid these men like the plague.

[desmondhume]

I looked up Jdate and realized it was a Jewish site. I'm not Jewish...though can easily pass for Jewish. Haha. Ah well.

 

Yeah, most of my pictures are crop-outs of group photos like your's, but I do have a few high-quality head shots I've taken for acting. They're good photos, but might be too formal that potentially give off a "look at me!" vibe. Not sure if I should use them.

[HeatherB]

I think they're called "selfies." Not good dating profile pictures. If you have to use one, at least crop out the phone or camera...and any bathroom fixtures.

 

OP, there will always be someone better right around the corner. But of course she'll also be just as horribly flawed as everyone else. Pick the first chick you really like, such as the one you've described, and date her until she disqualifies herself in some way. Then go back to your stream of interested ladies and try again. Eventually one of them will stick around. And viola!

[Imtheretoo]

I looked up Jdate and realized it was a Jewish site. I'm not Jewish...though can easily pass for Jewish. Haha. Ah well.

 

Yeah, most of my pictures are crop-outs of group photos like your's, but I do have a few high-quality head shots I've taken for acting. They're good photos, but might be too formal that potentially give off a "look at me!" vibe. Not sure if I should use them.

 

Down-to-earth seems to be the flavor of choice, so formal headshots, albeit showcase your attractive appearance can also work against you in that regard. Just my personal opinion.

[Imtheretoo]

Just of note again- distinguishing yourself from the other men makes all the difference. If I find someone attractive I still have to be able to string together a compliment or something of notable interest from their profile.

 

Mine is pretty unique and 80% of the emails include it. I don't want to share my secret, but use your imagination and personality to weave together something cute and funny. Works like a charm.

[Ms Darcy]

UPDATE: Just received a "Thanks, but no thanks" from one of them. This is much more preferable than never hearing anything at all. I vow to do the same should any woman I'm not interested in actually bother to send ME a message...

 

You forgot the part where he said he's six feet and goes to the gym 4 days a week. They ain't emailing because of his personality.