I just need someone to talk to

[kim88]

I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were only together for 7 months but he was the first guy I've ever truly loved. I didn't want to break up but he wasn't treating me how I deserve to be treated and I know in the long run it was 100% the right thing to do for both of us.

The problem is in 6 months when I'm done school I will have to work with him. I'm terrified it will be too hard plus I'll be moving to a new city away from my family and friends.

I still feel like I just wasn't good enough for him even though I know that wasn't the case. Like if i was better he would've wanted to try harder.

I just have to get this all out

[lovepugs86]

Trust me you are good enough... I know what you are going through. He just didn't realize what he had but I guarantee with some time, he will start thinking about what he lost. The best thing for you to do right now is keep yourself busy. Do things that make you happy, see friends, do something that you have always been afraid to do, etc. I bet in 6 months, you will be so much stronger and happier and working with him will be manageable. Nothing you can do will make him try harder. There has to be something within him that realizes that he wants to make it work. You have to know you are better than good enough.

[kim88]

Thank you so much. That means a lot. The problem is he did want to try. I was the one in the end that said no. Because the way he wanted to try still wasn't good enough for me, and I wasn't happy. I've never stood up for myself this way so its all kind of new to me.

 

I just read your posts, and you deserve so much more too. Right now it's terrible but one day soon you and I will both feel a little bit better. And one day (maybe not quite as soon), we will wonder why we were so upset over people that could not give us what we want and deserve. xx

[pixel clouds]

Time is your friend, 6 months will do wonders for you. Use the time to concentrate on school and becoming the best version of yourself that you can Enjoy being close to your friends and family.

 

I know it is easier said that done ... but at the moment try not to worry too much about the future. There is nothing that you can do to change it, so try and live in the moment.

 

You might find it helps to write down your fears and rationalize them, sometimes just getting them out on paper, or talking to friends about them helps you realize that you'll be ok

[lovepugs86]

Good for you for standing up for yourself If you aren't happy now, you won't be 5 years down the road and it's better to end things now.

 

Thank you for reading my posts. I'm pretty broken up over it... we are meeting tonight for one last talk and I'm pretty nervous...You and I both deserve better and one day, we will really see that. The most important thing right now is realizing our worth and value and to know that we deserve better and we will find it

[kim88]

Thanks for the advice! I've been writing for the past couple weeks (when I knew things were coming to an end) and it has helped a lot. I'm going to try and continue. Realistically I know I have to give the job a chance since it is a dream job for the field I'm in, but the thought of it still makes me sick. More than anything I just want a family though. As amazing as this job is, I almost get mad when people rave to me about how lucky I am, etc, when I would trade anything to just have a big loving family and a mediocre low paying job. That's a huge difference between me and my "ex" (haha first time saying that).

I know I have some things I need to work on myself and am thinking about going to a therapist. Does anyone know how you even go about finding one?

lovepugs-good luck tonight, stay strong!

[lovepugs86]

I've been seeing a therapist since June. You can either call your health insurance provider and they can find one for you or some colleges have a list of counseling places in your city that charge lower fees and anyone can go to them. I'm seeing one that is in the graduate psych program at our college here and it's only $10 and is open to the public. It really does help. I've been learning a lot about myself and it really gives you positive support. Good luck!

[Robin2904]

Some times knowing when to walk away is the smartest thing you can do. People often think holding on and working things out is the hard thing to do and people who give up are weak but a lot of the time knowing when to walk away and say 'I deserve better then what I'm getting' is the harder thing to do. If you felt you were not getting what you deserve it was brave and strong of you to walk away. I'm trying to realize this myself still.

[kim88]

You're exactly right. This is one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. The easy choice would have been to stay.

 

And what makes it harder is he is one of those people who thinks we shouldn't give up, and should give it a 100% chance. He kept saying that WE need to make this decision together. The problem is that the things that I am not happy with are not things that can be worked on. They are differences in our values and cultures. I feel like "I" as an individual need to be happy for there to be a "we"- and I don't think he understands this. Our relationship would've required major compromises, which I am quite sure would have ended up being all on my end.

[saluk]

Big incompatibilities are not a great thing to build a LTR on. There will be enough smaller incompatibilities to deal with in any relationship without compromising on big, known, things. It's hard now but probably best long term. Even for him.