Just had coffee date...hmmm.....confused..

[sambo]

hey all,

 

a quick follow up from the other coffee date post in this forum..

 

Just got back from the coffee date, it went ok, we chatted, I think she was flirting, playing with her hair while she was talking, and always making eye contact with me etc....BUT

 

she never asked me any questions about me or what I like doing etc (I was asking her stuff most of the time....and when I asked what she likes doing (for potential dates later), she didn't really fill me with much enthusiasm, just said like maybe going out here or there to chill etc....pretty boring!!

 

and then we left and I drove her home, and asked if she wanted to meet up to let me know, and she replied "nothings happening for a few weeks (in terms of events to go out to)", so she didn't even answer my question.

 

I think you will all agree, that even though she flirted (as most women do naturally) it doesn't mean she is interested.. hehehe

 

oh well.....what do you think, could I have read this wrong.....I mean we did chat all night, there weren't any awkward silences or anything..

 

thanks

[JohnnyRingo]

lol, what you have to understand is that to girls, the whole dating/getting a guy is a whole game to them. she acting like shes not interested. although she is. she was flirting, making eye contact a lot and playing with hair are tell tale signs. so play the game right back. dont act desperate but at the same time be a little aggressive. girls like that. and to anyone who reads this post you should read a book called Double Your Dating. i forget who the author is. its an ebook. AMAZING book, all of whats in the book is so true. it may not all apply to your situation but chances are some of it will. it helped me a lot and helped me understand a little better what girls are thinking (although its impossible to completely know, unless your a girl).... point is, shes interested. so follow up but at the same time dont smother her. you got this, good luck

[bobster]

Coffee dates should only really last for around 30 - 45mins so as not to get bored. The only thing I'd have done if I was the one making the most effort to talk is to either: suggest to change location and do something constructive or end the date early and say you'll could call her to speak to her more, then of course ask for her number.

 

But after saying all that she could just be shy and it takes alot for a shy person to come out their shell so alot of the time they appear not interested when they actually are!

 

Saying things like "nothings happening" really could mean that she is infact free to go on another date with you......so I'd take that as your answer.

 

Keep us posted!

[Beec]

You are probably mkaing a mistake, if what you want to know is whether she is interested. You cannot fake body language (well very few can). From how you describe her's, she is interested.

 

So, she was a little vague in her words. That's not really a bad thing. You should be a little aloof. Otherwise you seem needy.

[sambo]

hmmmmm

 

ok....fair point.....so what do you recommend? As you guys have said, I don't want to come accross needy (and I'm not...I don't mind getting to know her more....I'm just sick of trying to decipher hidden code and confusing signals).

 

I've already asked her if she wanted to meet up again when I dropped her off....I think I'll just sit back and get on with my stuff....and let her make the next move???

[Beec]

Two things to do:

 

1. Learn about body language. It is not a hidden code just because it is not said in words. We all send and receive body language. Learn what body language signals are, and how to read them, and you will have a much easier dating life. You need to listen to her whole body, not just the actual words.

 

2. Wait a few days and see if she calls. If not think about giving her a ring. If a week goes by and you do want a date, call and ask her if she wants to do something specific. Dinner or whatever. Don't say when, and if she asks tell her to let you know when she is available, and let her know that you are sure you can find a time that works for you both. When you go, have a plan. A time, a place, a plan for after if things are going really well, or just cut it short and tell her that you need to go to bed because you have a big day the next day. Better to leave too soon than too late.

[Ceema-k]

hi Sambo. Remember what I said about the coffee date being the easiest one? (well, probably not, as it wasn't that memorable a statement)

 

Aneeeeyway, I think Beec's advice is great. The next date you have with her should be a little more organized and interesting. So yes, pick a day, a time, a place and have a backup plan just in case.

 

But as before on your coffee date, just relax and be casual This whole process is supposed to be fun, right? I think you're overracting a little bit and jumping to conlusions too early. Most guys on this forum will probably tell you that trying to get into a girl's mind is a lesson in futility. Just take note of the 'big picture' aspects of her behaviour. Is she accepting dates with you? Does she continue the flirty body language when she's around you? Does she genuinely seem happy to be out with you?

 

Leave the analysis at home. You won't need it on your dates.

[wanderer]

when you ask someone to let you know if they want to hang out with you again, and they say they're not busy for a few weeks, i'd say this is a signal that she does want to at least try another date. usually if someone doesn't want to hang out with you but they have nothing else to do, they won't lie and say they're busy, but they'll find the in-between by saying "i don't know what my plans are" or "i might be busy, i'm not sure" these usually mean "no" but still offer that hope for you, which is kinda mean if they really don't plan on seeing you again. but the answer she gave you, i'd say you're good to go with asking her out again because she didn't give you any reason not to.

[SilverManic]

You know that little rule that you hear most girls say? Well I think this one probably applies here. Give it 2 or 3 days and then phone her/text/email and ask her when is a good time to meet up again. I think she probably does want another date with you. Don't try going out with anyone else so soon she'll just think that your not interested at all or worse she'll probably end up getting really hurt and that your not the person she thought you was. These things need time they don't happen over night.

Good luck,

~S.

[sambo]

Thanks for all your replies guys.....

 

I will text her early next week....BUT need some separate advice here...

 

I asked her where she likes going during this coffee date (if it was a date).

 

and she just wasn't enthusiastic...she mentioned a few places but thats it, and THEN she asks why did I ask..

 

so I replied, because I'm interested....(thats ok isn't it???), but she didn't end up saying much more on the matter..she keeps saying that she doesn't want to spend anymore money and that she is going travelling in decmber, etc....so I'm beginning to lose interest in her in THAT WAY, still friends of course.....I don't mean to come accross as desperate or anything, its just that I don't think she is my type..

 

I prefer girls who are outgoing and are enthusiastic about doing stuff, and I just don't get that from her.......so I think I might just leave this, unless she texts or calls me before then I might meet up, but I just didn't feel that chemistry.

 

ps...I saw this other girl at work (OH MY GOD...so CUTE), can't help it....I like her more....need to find out if she has bf....

 

 

[joe45]

did u ask the girl to a cofee date and she said yes. b/c i now in my mind maybe some gals would perceive a coffee date as being cheapp. i mean maybe she expected or wanted on date like live theatre and dinner afterwards. i mean coffee date is great for the guy as we don't want to spend so much money on a gal we hardly now but maybe the gal thinks of us too cheapppp and can;t u do any better

 

same here i hate gurls who are too shy and passive, a little is ok but she gotta initate and start convestations too some times. is this girl btw asian b/c most asian gals come accross aas shy , quite

[Ceema-k]

Sambo, it could just be the case this girl you went on the coffee date with is slow to come out of her shell. There are girls out there who are very outgoing, gregarious and fun-loving who would have given you more positive, enthusiastic responses. Those girls can be great, but tiring (to me anyway). But based on your single date with this girl... i'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to the fact She Just Doesn't Know You Well Enough Yet.

 

Go out a couple more times with her. If it still seems like you're pulling teeth in order to get some signs of life out of the girl, then maybe the chemistry is really lacking.

[SilverManic]

Hm about the money thing, maybe that was the same sort of thing that I do if a guy likes me and says something. I'm going to university next year and I wouldn't want to lead anyone on. That could be all it is.

[sambo]

did u ask the girl to a cofee date and she said yes

 

No she rang me and asked me if she wanted to meet up, and came up with coffee...In the end it wasn't even coffee. We just had a couple of beers.

 

is this girl btw asian b/c most asian gals come accross aas shy

 

No she is white...scottish actually (I love the scottish accent )

I am asian however...and am shy (but only with girls I like, otherwise I'm pretty confident)

 

Hm about the money thing, maybe that was the same sort of thing that I do if a guy likes me and says something. I'm going to university next year and I wouldn't want to lead anyone on. That could be all it is.

 

All this stuff she said just threw me, I've ran out of ideas...Its as if she doesn't want to go out, because she doesn't want to spend money.. Saving money is good....being TIGHT I hate.

 

Maybe she doesn't like me in that way now....no worries there...as I said I like this other one at work....she doesn;t have GREEN eyes, but I could always get her contacts !!!!

[joe45]

lol ur a asian guy hittin it off with a WF, just a saying from a AM too some WF are not into us AM, and if they are its proably the money. are u rich, what do u look like

 

did u ask the girl to a cofee date and she said yes

 

No she rang me and asked me if she wanted to meet up, and came up with coffee...In the end it wasn't even coffee. We just had a couple of beers.

 

is this girl btw asian b/c most asian gals come accross aas shy

 

No she is white...scottish actually (I love the scottish accent )

I am asian however...and am shy (but only with girls I like, otherwise I'm pretty confident)

 

Hm about the money thing, maybe that was the same sort of thing that I do if a guy likes me and says something. I'm going to university next year and I wouldn't want to lead anyone on. That could be all it is.

 

All this stuff she said just threw me, I've ran out of ideas...Its as if she doesn't want to go out, because she doesn't want to spend money.. Saving money is good....being TIGHT I hate.

 

Maybe she doesn't like me in that way now....no worries there...as I said I like this other one at work....she doesn;t have GREEN eyes, but I could always get her contacts !!!!

[sambo]

hahaha

 

hey Joe....

 

I'm not rich, still paying of student debts....I don't know why she MAY like me, maybe I come from a different culture, and she finds it interesting...I have no idea...

 

Maybe others among us can give us their views...

 

Q) Do girls like men more from other races and cultures, or does it not bother.....I know that some girls I know do, what about the guys?

 

I definitely have a thing for latin women...no idea why

[joe45]

what are u takin at college- i am a bus manamgement student 23 yr old chinese cbc . hey at least u went on a date i never even been on one.

how did u meet this gal.

i mean is a coffee really considered a date? i mean its great, its cheap and all and u get to talk.

really in vancouver more ppl are dating out than they are dating in. jsut more AM shoyuld date more out

[

 

quote=sambo]hahaha

 

hey Joe....

 

I'm not rich, still paying of student debts....I don't know why she MAY like me, maybe I come from a different culture, and she finds it interesting...I have no idea...

 

Maybe others among us can give us their views...

 

Q) Do girls like men more from other races and cultures, or does it not bother.....I know that some girls I know do, what about the guys?

 

I definitely have a thing for latin women...no idea why

[sambo]

computer science...nearly finished.....but its at uni, here in the UK...

 

what do you mean by dating out compared to dating in???

 

wasn't even coffee.....ended up being out in a pub

[joe45]

dating in is like dating within ur culture and race and dating out is dating interacially.

pub hey was it just the 2 of u. did u guys get drunk , what did u order to drink.

is the girl from one of ur classes, i usually think dating in college can at times be a distraction from ur studies, i mean can't mix both of em together. do u work p/t too. its hard -relationship, school and work.

 

oh ya were u guys friends first or did u just make small talk with the girl and then decided to ask her out-makes a lot of differences

 

computer science...nearly finished.....but its at uni, here in the UK...

 

what do you mean by dating out compared to dating in???

 

wasn't even coffee.....ended up being out in a pub

[sambo]

dating in is like dating within ur culture and race and dating out is dating interacially.

 

ah right...thanks...

 

we didn't get drunk...just had a pint or so. I know this girl from school. She was in one of my classes...and i only spoke to her a few times i think...But then i started this temp job and guess who also started!?!?! She's left work now though.

 

anyway, she was the first one to ask if I ever wanted to go for a drink.

 

I don't know really, I think she may have gone off me after this last meeting, but I am probably wrong. So I'm just gonna act aloof, and see where it takes me...I'm pretty chilled about it at the mo.

[joe45]

wowo she asked u out- was it just the 2 of u. i am guessing what u did was just a friends kinda of thing, was she flirtous at all. doesn;t mean much a drink and all. did u have to pick her up from her place or did u just meet at the pub location and took it from there.

oh ya who paid u or her was it dutch.

not sure proably jsut a friend thing b/c most girls don;'t ask guys out. was this the first time u guys hanged out

 

dating in is like dating within ur culture and race and dating out is dating interacially.

 

ah right...thanks...

 

we didn't get drunk...just had a pint or so. I know this girl from school. She was in one of my classes...and i only spoke to her a few times i think...But then i started this temp job and guess who also started!?!?! She's left work now though.

 

anyway, she was the first one to ask if I ever wanted to go for a drink.

 

I don't know really, I think she may have gone off me after this last meeting, but I am probably wrong. So I'm just gonna act aloof, and see where it takes me...I'm pretty chilled about it at the mo.

[sambo]

this was the second "drink meeting"....I have a feeling, that she's the type to take it her pace....so I will follow along for now.

[Mun]

Joe45 Please check your private messages.

 

Thanks

 

Mun

[Ceema-k]

Hi Sambo,

I'm a fellow AM

 

I think very slowly, but surely.. Asian guys are being perceived as sexier and more desireable by women outside of the Asian culture. The mainstream media sure doesn't help much, but change is taking place... as glacial as it is.

 

I've gone on several dates now with a white girl who has a history of dating asian men. I think she really appreciates the respect and quiet confidence of asian guys (me)...which is in itself a preconception of us AM. Anyway, I don't want to hijack your topic... I just want you to know that I'm not thrown off at all by the fact you are asian and the girl you like is Scottish. I think mixed race dating only begins a big deal if the parties involved make it so.

[bzborow1]

blah, blah. Just take Beec's advice and don't worry about anything else, race or otherwise. Sometimes these things women do is a subconscious test for you. What I mean is you need to be ASSERTIVE with this girl, but also ****and funny. For example, you may ask her to coffee again and she'll say, "oh i dunno, i may have plans that night"....just say to her in a funny way, "well break them, i'm more fun".

 

One place i do disagree with Beec is about what to tell her. You don't need to tell her exactly what you're going to be doing, just tell her how to prepare. Is it casual dress? Formal? etc...keep things slightly adventurous.