Girl likes me - what do I do

[nyc23]

Known this girl for about a year. I am 23, she a year older. Met my senior year of college, she was/is a masters student. Got to know each other through a common social group and activities. Didn't see each other in person after I graduated (I moved to city) but kept in light contact. Before I graduated, I took her out for drinks and I think if I had more courage....something could have happened.

 

She visited this city where I am a week ago, and we hung out a bit with our friends. We had a lot of fun together, and one of my friends from the city here is of the opinion that she likes me. I think the same thing. I like her too.

 

She is visiting the city again this weekend and 'has no plans yet'.

 

So, there is no chance for a relationship but I really think she'd be down for sex, or even just hooking up. I would be too. But I am a virgin, I've never closed before. (I choose not to pursue random girls in bars, only girls that I know and respect, so I don't have a lot of practice either.) It's partially a confidence thing (I didn't even want to write the word 'sex' on this anonymous board), but I can psyche myself up if I need to so that is not really an issue. Mostly is that when it gets to this stage, I don't know what to do.

 

So what do I do? What sort of activity can I suggest that is conducive to romance? How do I take this to the next level?

[Celadon]

You're asking for advice on how to take this "to the next level," but if I were you, I'd focus on the level of getting to know her as a person, not as a sex partner. There's a lot that goes into a genuine relationship -- discovering mutual interests, sharing fun times, learning about her hopes in life, just talking one-on-one and deepening your connection. It is totally "enough" to go on a date and end with a kiss, hugs, hand-holding and all that. You don't have to go all the way in order for someone to know you're interested in her.

 

As for what to do, take her out to dinner, or dancing, or to an event, and then end up feeling out the situation at the end of the night. Good luck.

[nyc23]

You're asking for advice on how to take this "to the next level," but if I were you, I'd focus on the level of getting to know her as a person, not as a sex partner. There's a lot that goes into a genuine relationship -- discovering mutual interests, sharing fun times, learning about her hopes in life, just talking one-on-one and deepening your connection. It is totally "enough" to go on a date and end with a kiss, hugs, hand-holding and all that. You don't have to go all the way in order for someone to know you're interested in her.

 

As for what to do, take her out to dinner, or dancing, or to an event, and then end up feeling out the situation at the end of the night. Good luck.

 

Yeah, ending the night with a kiss is fine.

 

Maybe a better thing to ask is how do I know how to go for that kiss?

 

If it's only going to be a hangout and hug, fine. But if a kiss is an option, I'll take it. But how would I know? How do I "feel out the situation"?

 

P.S. - we are geographically far away most of the time so I don't think a real relationship is an option unfortunately

[Celadon]

To feel out the situation toward the middle-to-end of the date, see how she reacts when you get physically close to her. If you're walking, brush up against her arm with your arm. Does she move away, or brush up against you in response? If you're at a place where you can sit close together, sit RIGHT next to her. If you're talking and laughing, and it seems natural, reach out with your hand to touch her shoulder or arm, to emphasize what you're saying. Also, I personally like it when I'm going through a doorway (after my guy has opened the door, of course), and he briefly touches me in the middle of my back, as a way to "guide" me in.

 

Also, take cues from her. Is she reaching out to touch you shoulder or arm? Is she holding your gaze? Does she look like she's enjoying herself?

 

If she doesn't recoil (lol) by the end of the date, go for a kiss. I prefer this approach: A hand on the shoulder/upper arm followed by "Celadon, I've had a great time with you tonight." Then lean in to give a gentle kiss on the cheek. A woman who wants more will sometimes move her head before you land the kiss so that she will have her lips where your lips are. (So don't move in for the kiss like you're dive bombing.)

 

If she doesn't swivel her head, no worries. After you kiss her cheek - and with your hand still lightly on her shoulder/arm - back your head up a bit away from her cheek and look her in the eyes. You'll know by her response whether you should go for the kiss on the lips or not.

[Dragunov-21]

Hit it so hard that when you finally manage to pull it out you'll be crowned King of England.

 

(ok, so I wrote that before reading the actual post, but Celadon's got it pretty well covered)

 

Switch actually had the kissing thing pretty right - move 90%, let her move the last ten (or do it yourself if she doesn't turn away but the seconds are dragging on)

[Gingersmaps]

I will tell you, as a girl, most of us wait for a guy to kiss US. Even if a girl is super confident, all of us ladies want that "special firework moment". I would say go for it, and don't half ass it lol. If your going to kiss a girl, do it right, because no girl wants to feel like she is kissing a statue.

 

Also, I would get to know this girl more. I'm a virgin too so I totally understand the whole being nervous about sex for the first time. You don't mean to obsess over it, but your afraid of screwing up and then making it akward. Just remember, there is more to being in a relationship than being "physical".

 

If you know more about this girl it will also help you find the perfect date that will be memorable. A guy who plans ahead and makes things special for a girl will earn extra points in the "your starting to look more attractive" category. Relax, have fun, and just breath. Breathing is important because you might pass out from the lack of oxygen. Ok?

[Jennifer89]

I will ask for a kiss if I want it, or I have had him ask, the first time. That is, if its clear that you are on a date and have both made it clear that you are interested and the date has gone well. If your just hanging out this may not be the best method, lol.

 

In my case there was clearly friction in the air, we were both obviously itching to take it to the next level but had just gotten out if long relationships (for him, 5 months before, for me 3 months) and just didn't quite know how to do it. I nervously leaned over and asked him if I could kiss him, that part wasn't romantic but the kiss was, next thing I knew we were rolling around and yes, ended up sleeping together.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking, you don't see it in the movies bc it may not be considered pationate to Hollywood, but it is- it shows respect and a willingness to step back and wait or step back completely, if that's what the other person desires.

[Roxie84]

Hi there OP,

 

You say this girl "likes" you. Well, I understand your stance that nothing will happen romatically because you live apart. But are you certain that she is not interested in something more serious? You don't know her very well, and it is aparent that you haven't had any deep communication regarding your individual stances on relationships.

 

What I'm saying is, make sure she is also interested in casual sex before making the moves. You wouldn't want to make all these special moves, sleep with her, and then discover afterwards that she wants a long distance relationship or something more serious. This could ruin the friendship, and even worse, break her heart and make her feel used.

 

By talking about this, and making sure that you're on the same page, the confidence to initiate the kissing (and everything else) will come naturally.

 

Good luck!