In NC. Today's his Birthday. I think I might have really messed up.

[CutieGirl]

Today is my ex's birthday. This day was TWICE as hard to get through than I EVER imagined! From the moment I opened my eyes this morning all I could think was: Today is his birthday.

 

Anyway, he kept me as a FB friend so I kept him also, I thought to delete him would be too childish, I was just not going to "view" his page so I could move on.

 

Well despite my iron clad resolve to never again call/text/write him to reconcile, I found myself LOOKING at his FB page!

 

I saw all the people telling him Happy Birthday, I didn't, I had NO intention of doing so, but seeing his page made me miss him again and start to remember the good times.

 

Now I am seriously thinking about whether or not I should just delete and block his page all together. The problem is I think if I did he'd know [for a fact] that he was still on my mind.

 

I know this is crazy but it's really bothering me; I DON'T want him to suspect how I'm feeling at all. I've come too far in my NC to have this unexpected emotional setback.

 

Just need a little advise. Should I Delete/Block to support my NC or should Do Nothing and grin and bear it.

 

 

Thanks!

[Ms Darcy]

I do think you should delete him on facebook to save yourself some anguish.

[mixhot]

delete // block what ever. look after yourself ...that is a big MUST!!

 

do you want to feel like this again?? NO. the only option is to get rid of everything that reminds you of him. that is the 1st step. i guarantee you will feel much better and it will speed up the healing.

 

having them on FB or any other sites will only make you crumble and look,.

 

looking after yourself is childish?? nah... i dont think so

[CutieGirl]

OK Here's the thing.

 

I am actually OPEN to one day being on speaking terms with him. And after enough time apart I might even be open to reconciling. Right now I need time to heal.

 

Blocking him makes perfect sense on one hand - I do it all the time, but with him he takes such offense to every little thing.

 

It takes him forever to get over things and I just think blocking him might cause more problems in the long run than just leaving the FB page as it is.

 

I don't want to hear him going on and on for years to come that: Oh and you blocked my FB page. WOW I can't believe you did that!

[pl3asehelp]

Just delete him. It's not childish. Pretending you can be friends with an ex is childish. Older people do not do this. It's something teenagers and 20 something's do until they learn that it's not a good idea and give it up.

[abitbroken]

Don't worry about blocking him. He won't even realize you aren't FB friends anymore for awhile. Or just start by unfriending him. You don't "owe" him access to you. It is NOT childish to close access to your life. Do not wish him a happy birthday. it will open up unwanted communication - or he might do nothing and it would wound you that he didn't notice your message. So...take a deep breath and call a friend - not him.

[CutieGirl]

Don't worry about blocking him. He won't even realize you aren't FB friends anymore for awhile. Or just start by unfriending him. You don't "owe" him access to you. It is NOT childish to close access to your life. Do not wish him a happy birthday. it will open up unwanted communication - or he might do nothing and it would wound you that he didn't notice your message. So...take a deep breath and call a friend - not him.

 

No worries there.

 

I have made a personal vow to NEVER contact him again, no matter how much time goes by, no matter how much I miss him. The ONLY time we will speak is if HE imitiates it.

[Ms Darcy]

IF you never contact him again, then it really shouldnot matter if you block him. If he initiates contact, then that would suggest he's motivated to talk to you.

[CutieGirl]

What IF he starts to call then gets mad when he sees I blocked him and then decides even though he wanted to call me instead he "digs his heels in the sand" and flat out refuses?

[pl3asehelp]

What IF he starts to call then gets mad when he sees I blocked him and then decides even though he wanted to call me instead he "digs his heels in the sand" and flat out refuses?

 

Same thing that happens when a tree falls in the woods and there's nobody there to hear it. What an ex does or thinks should not concern you.

[Singledom]

It's my current ex's birthday on NYE & I will NOT be contacting her.

 

I'm not going to even drink alcohol as I could be tempted to text her something stupid & I know on New Years Day I will feel even worse than I do now.

 

 

Just delete him. It's not childish. Pretending you can be friends with an ex is childish. Older people do not do this. It's something teenagers and 20 something's do until they learn that it's not a good idea and give it up.

 

 

 

This.

 

I broke up with an ex a few years back & we went NC. She deleted me from her facebook friends. I did think it was childish but I know now it was the right thing to do.

 

She contacted me a year later to say hi. All was cool but I wouldnt say we are friends anymore. All she wanted to tell me that she had met someone new & she was having a baby with him.

 

I wished her good luck & I never have heard from here again.

 

 

Life goes on

[PaintWithLight]

Facebook is the devil. It can really hurt your healing process and keep you stalled in some kind of limbo. Delete him and move on. If he is mature and you have a chat years from now, I am sure he will understand.

 

The fact that you are monitoring by FB shows that you need to take this step and cut off contact. NC does not count is you are reading his wall. NC means you are thinking about YOU.

[CutieGirl]

You're right! Facebook IS the devil! People try to act like it's just "for entertainment purposes", but that is some straight up BS! FB has the power to turn a person's world upside down!

 

Concerning my ex:

He has less than 60 FB friends. It would be very obvious to him if his 60 friends plummeted to 59. He'd immediately start searching, quickly realize I was the one that's gone and know my departure was motivated by a lingering attachment to him. I just feel like complete silence is the way to go for me right now. I'm not ready to speak to him. Still healing.

 

I did, however, block his ability to see my posts. He doesn't need to know what's going on in my life and it makes it look like I'm busy doing other things. I thought about blocking his feeds, but honestly, I just don't care to put one more ounce of energy into worrying and thinking about this. I just didn't think I would get so emotionally thrown off.

[PaintWithLight]

Wow you are ready to interpret everything for him, right? 60 friends to 59 is a plummet? I do not even keep track of how many FB friends I have. If someone disappeared, it is their right. I would not start an investigation about it. If you think your ex would, then all the more reason to cut the ties now and let the healing begin.

 

You say you do not want to put one more ounce of effort into worrying about this. But your whole post is about your worries regarding his reaction. Just delete hime. Start healing now, rather than 6 months from now.

[divequeen89]

I had to delete my ex It was terrible. It will set you back to revisit that ****. Get a book! READ!!! I have a suggestion: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. Go out and find it and read it...

[CutieGirl]

Well, I FINALLY blocked him from FB a couple weeks ago. This is a mess! One day I want him back, the next, I am sure I never need to see him again. Since this post I've been crying like crazy and I just don't understand why. It's been almost 2 months of strict NC.

[rva892]

CutieGirl, in my opinion you need to evaluate how much self control you KNOW you have. If you think you can truly stop looking at his page then no you don't have to unfriend him/block him. If, however, you know that you won't be able to overcome temptation then perhaps for the time being it is the best thing. You are approaching NC wrong. During this time (both to move on and ironically to give reconciliation the best chance IMHO) you need to completely focus on yourself. Think of it this way, would you want to be with someone who couldn't function or be happy without you, or who relied completely on you for their happiness? While I know it is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier said than done, for the time being you need to let go and stop worrying about what he is thinking. You were happy before you had him, so become happy without him again. That doesn't mean give up hope of reconciliation, but use NC for you, not to change his mindset.

[Snow93]

I've felt the same as you, going in circles. Then I heard a piece of advice on this forum that I'm sure is very common knowledge (although I didn't know since it was my first relationship) so maybe it's obvious to you, healing is a circular process, not linear.

 

There are going to be days where you relapse but you will get better! I deleted my ex from FB about a week after she broke up with me. Even that one week was hell seeing her out having fun, adding a bunch of new guys and chatting to them. It's awful. Now that she's gone I can focus on me and so can you focus on yourself now.

 

My advice to you is do things you love, things that may take your mind off him, if only for a couple of hours. I see it as a fight just to make it through the hardest part (when the breakup is relatively fresh) by any means you can. Have fun and dont be afraid to treat yourself. Good luck!

[Jack Bailey]

Why the crying? The same happened to me...only she blocked me. Yet she'll still talk about me (found out through her sister). Been wondering how much she's thinking about me...if she feels worse.