Is it smart to ask your date if you can see other people?

[PrettyGood]

I was dating this guy for only 2 weeks but I started getting attach to him too fast and I have noticed that he takes everything slow. We don't give anything more than short dry kiss every time we meet. No sex, no holding hands, however I started day dreaming of him a lot and he is a really busy man actually, so there's no surprise he can't find much time to meet with me anytime I want, even though he calls me and writes sms several times a day.

 

I think I am clingy paranoid woman. I got attached to him and I just started thinking "What if he is seeing other women too?" So today I just asked him this question and explained that some people want to meet me (it's true) for a cup of coffee (like a date) and if he doesn't do that then it would be unfair from my side to meet them. But if he is seeing other women too then there's nothing wrong if I go to do the same. He replied "I am not seeing other women but not because you and me are dating, but because I don't feel the need, I am not rushing anywhere, I don't have a plan to become someone's boyfriend so fast and I am so busy I don't have time do date anyone else." This reply left me confused. So I started pushing him more asking if I would see other people would it be fair? He said, "We are adults, you don't need to ask me permission for it. If you want to date other people, go for it, I'm not your father to forbid. And if you are in a hurry to find a boyfriend, then that's ok, maybe you will find your husband soon, who knows."

 

Was it smart to ask my date if I can see other people?

[rask]

I think you were being polite. But unless things were getting kind of serious, as in maybe sex, this conversation didn't need to happen.

 

 

I don't think he has that much interest in you, for one. As a girlfriend, anyway. Because he said, "Who knows, maybe you'll find your husband soon," he isn't really looking at this as any kind of future, honestly.

 

I would hold off on asking this question to other guys, though... some of them will take it wrong, and some will get upset.

[PrettyGood]

I would hold off on asking this question to other guys, though... some of them will take it wrong, and some will get upset.

 

Well yes, after this conversation he really confessed that he started feeling me stressed and pushing him somewhere, like hurrying him to have some relationship with me, which I didn't. I apologized and said I just wanted to be polite and to understand the situation. I also don't want to rush him anywhere, but I think he understood that I'm desperate, because I said "I don't want to have sexual intercourse with you just yet, because I can see you are not rushing and I may take it seriously and get attached. If that wouldn't mean anything to you, it would make me sad." So I don't even know what else to do right now. He just advised not to take everything so seriously and just enjoy the moments we spend together, without over-thinking every single detail too much, because he isn't pressing me to have sex.

[rask]

Then just see where it goes, I guess. At least he was honest with you.

 

But if you ARE wanting to get into a relationship, sexually, romantically, exclusively, whatever... this guy isn't the one to do it with. You don't need to wait for him to come around, if you know you're ready to be in a relationship. Sure, he might be a good guy, and you might have fun together, but he isn't your boyfriend.

 

In this case, I suggest to see him if you want, but also date other people, for your benefit.

[PrettyGood]

I suggest to see him if you want, but also date other people, for your benefit.

 

Yep, that's what I am going to do, I suppose. I mean it's safer option, because if I have only him, then I will get more and more clingy and asking him things he can't promise me yet. And if I'd date other people, then I would be calmer and there would be a greater chance to meet someone my type. Sure I am a person who is always dating 1 person at a time so it will be a challenge for myself.

[calichick007]

I think asking was fine. Luckily, he was honest with you. I'd definitely see other people... I think the odds of him wanting to be in a relationship are about 0.

[Batya33]

I always assumed that until we decided to be exclusive no information about dating others or not needed to be shared.

[llw11]

"We are adults, you don't need to ask me permission for it. If you want to date other people, go for it, I'm not your father to forbid. And if you are in a hurry to find a boyfriend, then that's ok, maybe you will find your husband soon, who knows."

 

Was it smart to ask my date if I can see other people?

I actually think it was a good idea and I'll probably be doing it in the future myself. It's better than the guessing game which drives me crazy. Honestly if a woman said that to me, I'd let her go. If I wanted to be with someone, the last thing I'd do is say what he said.

[quirky]

"I don't want to have sexual intercourse with you just yet, because I can see you are not rushing and I may take it seriously and get attached. If that wouldn't mean anything to you, it would make me sad.

 

Dudette...seriously? Why spell this out to the man? He knows that already ! And this is the stuff they run away from when brought up too soon. You are subconsciously giving him all the power ! Have you ever read 'why men love bi***es' ? You really shouldn't need a man much, are you not busy living your life, with your interests and dreams?

 

I think he understood that I'm desperate

 

omg..that made me laugh so much..! !

 

Btw, I am also not sure how much he is looking for a relationship.