PrettyGood Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 I'm dating a man for 2 weeks already. This time I'm taking dating slowly and I'm not having any sexual activity with him just not to show myself as easy to get physically. I'm not his girlfriend yet, however this question bothers me a lot: Can he have sex with other women while he is dating me and while I'm withholding sex? I want him like crazy, but I resist to let him know my personality better. He doesn't mind and he doesn't try to seduce me. He's very attracted to me, but when he goes to party with his male friends, I always worry if there are girls who he could have sex with. Would that be infidelity? I mean I'm not having sex with anyone because I want only him, but is that right to not give him it in order to get to know each other better and this way pushing him to other women' bed? Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 He's in the clear if you two are not exclusive imo. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Even if you chose to have sex with him, if there is no committed relationship then he is free to have sex with whomever he chooses. However, sex or no sex, I would not want to be with a guy if I found out that he dates around just to have sex partners. In other words, if I find out that a guy I am dating is having sex with others, even if I am not having sex with him I would automatically rule him out as any potential partner. I would want someone who has much more self control. Link to comment
hear_her_roar Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 If there is no commitment between the two of you, it is not infidelity... however, if you two are in the process of building a relationship, a certain amount of restraint is required from both parties IF that is what you both want. If you're not comfortable with him sleeping with others, perhaps a conversation regarding your relationship status, and an agreement about appropriate behaviour, is in order. My rule of thumb is that if you don't feel comfortable enough with him to discuss these things, then you're not ready to be exclusive anyway. I'm also of the opinion that if you're seeing someone fairly regularly, if either party is still sexually active they should make that clear. It isn't cheating if he is still sleeping around, but it is respectful for him to at least be trasnparent about it. If you're not comfortable with it, stand up for yourself! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 I can't see how you're pushing him away after a period of 2 weeks, because you haven't slept with him. On the other hand, having sex with him after a period of only 2 weeks doesn't guarantee an exclusive relationship either. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted December 23, 2012 Author Share Posted December 23, 2012 I would not want to be with a guy if I found out that he dates around just to have sex partners. In other words, if I find out that a guy I am dating is having sex with others, even if I am not having sex with him I would automatically rule him out as any potential partner. Well me too, but it's just impossible to find it out, because I'm not in those "guys' parties". Of course, he is always telling me if he goes to a party with sauna and that he will be drinking there for that occasion, but if there is sauna, there must be other girls - men are not gays to spend such parties on their own. I understand that he doesn't invite me just because we are not exclusive yet and he doesn't want such parties would scare me away, cause I'm not a party girl and again - I'm not having sex with him. HOW should I find it out? If I ask him directly, it would be weird and look like I'm forbidding him to have sex with other women while I withhold it and while we're not exclusive?! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 if you're not exclusive yet he can date other women and if they choose to have sex he can without "cheating" on you. I don't see how a person who's dating another person for only 2 weeks can be thought to be "withholding sex" - you barely know him. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted December 23, 2012 Author Share Posted December 23, 2012 perhaps a conversation regarding your relationship status, and an agreement about appropriate behaviour, is in order. Do you really think it's not too early to ask him about relationship status just after 2 weeks of dating? I mean I was twice dumped by other men after asking about it 1 month of dating. However, it still bothers me because I can see him as a potential partner and don't want to scare him away if this conversation would be too early for him to decide Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 HOW should I find it out? If I ask him directly, it would be weird and look like I'm forbidding him to have sex with other women while I withhold it and while we're not exclusive?! At this point IMO, it's too early to even bring up the subject of sex. It's not a requirement to sleep with everyone you date. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Well me too, but it's just impossible to find it out, because I'm not in those "guys' parties". Of course, he is always telling me if he goes to a party with sauna and that he will be drinking there for that occasion, but if there is sauna, there must be other girls - men are not gays to spend such parties on their own. I understand that he doesn't invite me just because we are not exclusive yet and he doesn't want such parties would scare me away, cause I'm not a party girl and again - I'm not having sex with him. HOW should I find it out? If I ask him directly, it would be weird and look like I'm forbidding him to have sex with other women while I withhold it and while we're not exclusive?! After only a month of dating many people decide not to continue so for all you know it had nothing to do with what you said -perhaps it speeded up the decision which is a good thing - frees you up to meet other people. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Even if you chose to have sex with him, if there is no committed relationship then he is free to have sex with whomever he chooses. However, sex or no sex, I would not want to be with a guy if I found out that he dates around just to have sex partners. In other words, if I find out that a guy I am dating is having sex with others, even if I am not having sex with him I would automatically rule him out as any potential partner. I would want someone who has much more self control. This sums up what I was going to say. Unless you are exclusive he has the 'right' to sleep with who he wants However I'd hope if he genuinely likes you and wants to pursue a relationship or become exclusive that he wouldn't just sleep around whilst waiting to sleep with you. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 You are not exclusive and just dating so his time is his time. But please stop equating providing sex as the magic ingredient to keeping a man or making him view you as a good girlfriend. If a guy pegs you as just someone sexually convenient, he will hang in there for a set amount to time to see if it pays off. He will play the good guy role until he gets what he wants. There are just so many girls that will never be considered relationship material by some guys. And as a result, they will continue to be mucked around by guys lulling them into provide sex in hopes of a relationship. You are expecting a young guy who pegs you as sexually available to walk away from trying to cultivate something even though he does not want a relationship with you. You have to do more than just withhold the no-strings sex to be taken seriously. You have to sharpen up your image, education, conversation skills, etc if you want to move into the 15% of the female population that men view as "relationship ready". Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 This sums up what I was going to say. Unless you are exclusive he has the 'right' to sleep with who he wants However I'd hope if he genuinely likes you and wants to pursue a relationship or become exclusive that he wouldn't just sleep around whilst waiting to sleep with you. ITA with this. If he is sleeping with other people then he's not as into you as he probably should be if a relationship's going to develop. I don't think there's any way you can find out if he's sleeping with other people though, without looking kind of weird for asking. I agree with a poster on the other page who said it's too early, after only two weeks, to bring up sex at all. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.