Confused about this guy?

[bevans3]

Hey community!

 

I started talking to this guy a little over a year ago from a dating website. We talked on and off a lot seeing as we live about 4 hrs apart from each other. Sometimes he'd initiate and sometimes I would. I was going through a really rough time and put him through a lot of drama and he stuck through it all with me. I'd go off on him and he'd just take it and want to continue talking with me. We would talk about visiting each other a lot but both of us were so busy. He did give me his address so I could go there but I never went, I was caught up and interested in another guy and he knew that.

 

Well plans have changed quite rapidly and I'm going to transfer to the school he's going to now. Not because he was there, in fact we hadn't talked in quite some time when I applied. When I told him about it about a month ago he was excited and said he couldn't wait to show me around. We started talking a lot about everything we'd do and just catching up on life. I asked him if he'd be my valentine this upcoming year and he said you bet! But he did say he was a little nervous about finally meeting me. Last time we talked was on wednesday of last week and he hasn't answered any of my texts since. He never was really a texter, sometimes it would take him a day or so to answer, but never this long. Idk I guess it does kinda suck not hearing from him but seeing him online on facebook and that dating website. I know once I get up there I will be meeting a lot of new people. But I really like him and think there's potential there. We complement each other well. What should I do?

[bevans3]

Oh and a couple of things to add:

He's out but only to his family right now.

 

I sent him about 3 texts since last wednesday, all of which were just saying hey or telling him about things as I find them out such as where I'll be living on campus. Nothing like what's wrong or why haven't I heard from you.

 

I mentioned him being on the dating site earlier, well I guess I'm confused by it. He deleted his old profile and made a new one but no longer has pics on it and only has 5 friends as opposed to the hundreds he used to. It also says that he's viewed my profile 30 times just in this month alone (it resets every month). That's the most anyone has ever viewed me.

 

Maybe this is more of just a rant. Last week was finals week for him and he's an architect major so he also had a lot of projects due. So maybe it's just senseless paranoia on my end. I guess I figured I'd hear from him sometime over the weekend or today.

[SpottiOtti]

I'm not sure why he is not returning your texts, but the one thing that really struck me about your story is that you were all hung up on another guy the last time you two were in regular contact, so he probably has already resigned to being in the friendzone and has no idea you are now thinking of him romantically.

[lukeb]

We are talking online fundamentals here, the internet has been around for a while so I don't get the confusion. What has always worked for me is to never get emotionally involved with anyone you haven't met in real life or isn't part of your real life. I might see profiles of guys that could possibly have potential, but I would never bother talking it any further if they are not interested in meeting me. Endless chats have never interested me. You can still treat people online with respect, because when it comes down to it they are real people. They don't become "real" to me however, unless they are willing to meet me and be part of my real life. I would never let someone jerk me around for a year or more online, I can not be bothered.

 

You can not possibly know that you complement each other from just online, it might look like he cares or understands, but don't forget you come with an on/off button on his keyboard, friends/family in real life don't have that. It makes it really easy because you are always on his time, he doesn't have to make time for you. Another problem is that with you also have this on/off button on your keyboard and that makes it really easy to like him because you have full control of how much he is in your online life, not even real life.

 

There is always that potential that he is the one, but potential isn't enough to warrant any emotional attachment as far as I can see it.

 

Just an opinion from an old guy who was around well before the internet as we know it was around.

[bevans3]

Hey guys thanks for the responses! They made a lot of sense.

 

I think I'll just let it go and see what happens when I move up there. Either he'll want to meet or not, I won't press him to do anything. I think I just have a lot of anxiety about it because I won't know anyone when I move there and I found comfort in the fact knowing he'd be there. On the flip side I'm a really social person so I know I'm bound to meet some people. Just gotta get established there first.

 

Again thanks for the replies!

[CeeLambrini]

Of course you'll meet loads of people when you get there And I've been there, done that. I have a "special friend" who has bursts of affection and attention for me whenever he's coming over to visit. In the weeks/months in between that time - I hear nothing from him. And that's all good with me, I suppose. We don't owe it to each other to keep in touch and update each other. This guy is sort of an ex - but due to his moving away we never really established a real relationship. Perhaps once you meet this guy you might not even like him anymore. Wait til he contacts you, and if he doesn't even by the time school starts - just leave it. He knows you're coming, if he doesn't want to chat all you can do is wait.

[bevans3]

Of course you'll meet loads of people when you get there And I've been there, done that. I have a "special friend" who has bursts of affection and attention for me whenever he's coming over to visit. In the weeks/months in between that time - I hear nothing from him. And that's all good with me, I suppose. We don't owe it to each other to keep in touch and update each other. This guy is sort of an ex - but due to his moving away we never really established a real relationship. Perhaps once you meet this guy you might not even like him anymore. Wait til he contacts you, and if he doesn't even by the time school starts - just leave it. He knows you're coming, if he doesn't want to chat all you can do is wait.

 

I couldn't resist, I saw him viewing my profile on that site again today so I just decided to send him a hey with a smiley face but no response! I don't understand but oh well lol