I already miss him so much. The worst part is, I can't even blame him.

[star554]

I wanna start with I loved my ex. And it doesn't even register calling him that...

 

The truth is nothing happened. I mean yes, over the years, we've had tons of baggage but we've worked everything out. From dissapproving parents to other people in our relationship, we've been through it all. And it's been tough, and dramatic... but over the past few months, we were happy. We had all our firsts together... we're both 19. Somewhere along the line, we entered this trend of making up and breaking up... and I'm not proud of it, but the reasons were awfully silly. And this time was no different. But usually, we don't close the door entirely. That's what made this time different... he said he concedes. And has enough of trying... and he's sorry but I just can't give him what he wants and he can't give me what I deserve. And I don't blame him one bit... not a bit. But over the past few days I've just had a mental breakdown, it's so hard to see him leave... because it just feels so permanent. I've done everything, calling, messaging, texting... it wasn't pretty. And as I was doing it, I realized that I was probably pushing him farther and farther away but I kept on doing it and now I'm worried that he's so far away that he'll just never come back. All I can think about is the tone in his voice the last time we talked on the phone. I thought, well actually I hoped, that maybe just maybe he is missing me too... but at that point he was just neutral, apathetic. It just makes it all feel so much more real

 

I just don't know what to do. He says he hasn't closed the door on our friendship, but I guess I should be happy about that. But what do you guys think?

[Mustachio]

I think you should leave him alone for a while. You had a volatile relationship that kept ending and starting back up again. Step away from the situation for a while and I think you will realize that this is probably for the best. And after some time has passed, maybe you could strike up a friendship.

[BeeToo]

I'm going through the same thing you are. We're both 19 too, and we were breaking up and making up all the time, saying that this time it would work. The problem in our relationship was his lack of respect.. a couple months ago he started being rude to me and the fights started. I couldn't take the rudeness anymore, and I felt that if I stayed in this relationship, I wouldn't be getting what anyone deserves: respect. So I broke up with him. But I'm feeling the same way you are. As crazy as it sounds, I broke up with him but still wish we'd get back together. I didn't contact him or anything, and by texting, calling and going after him you're giving him power to do whatever he wants with you.

For example, if my ex were to text me begging, calling me all the time, I would be pleased, but I wouldn't give in so easily given all the things he did to me, so I would want him to run after me some more before giving in. It's harsh to hear, but it's the truth. We have to have self respect before anything, I guess that's why I broke up with him.

And you should think of yourself first, show him that you're happy without him (even if you're not), don't contact him... by doing that you won't push him away because you're not doing anything. And mostly, give it time!

Like I said on another thread here, I like to stay positive about relationships, unless it envolves abuse or cheating, I think that if two people have feelings for each other, they should make it work and realize their OWN mistakes. So work on yourself right now, think of what you could have done to be different and would have avoided the fights. I'm not saying it's your fault, it's not. But it works as a lesson for you for future relationships with anyone, parents, co workers and boyfriends.

Think of how this relationship made you better as a person, and how you can change for the better to make them even better.

[star554]

Thanks for the advice everyone

 

And BeeToo, how did your relationship with your ex work? Did he realize his mistakes?

 

The last thing I told my ex was on a text was along the lines:

"You're right... only way I'll be happy is if I atleast try to move on. For the record, I'd love us to be together but more than that, I hope at some point, we can be friends. Good luck everything. "

 

And I don't intend on saying anything else.. but it's really hard you know, it's taking me all my will to stop thinking about talking to him. I know I have to ofcourse, but I don't know how to.

[star554]

Hey, I'm just writing here because it's taking all my will power to not tell him I miss him. Feeling washed up and pathetic... Guess I just need someone to talk to...

[BeeToo]

I know how you feel, it hurts so much to love someone and know they love you back but don't want to be with you. It's hard, but there's nothing you can't do anything about it but accept it.

I feel that if you keep texting him that will just upset him even more.

You never know about the future, since both of you ended it not on such bad terms, then probably you won't have any bad feelings towards each other, just the good memories.

Try to distract yourself... go out with friends, sometimes, that's the best you can do.

[TheNewGuy]

Hey, I'm just writing here because it's taking all my will power to not tell him I miss him. Feeling washed up and pathetic... Guess I just need someone to talk to...

 

Well write away then. I'm usually not on here this much, guess I'm sort of having a pathetic day myself. Probably has something to do with me having to take my son back to her in about 45 mins. Least on here, I can try to offer some advice and get my mind off stuff. I totally understand just needing someone to talk to and I've done it a lot on eNA. At least on here we all know what it's like, right?

[msphlyer]

I'm sorry Star, I know this is hard. Only advice I can give is to end on the note of the last text you sent. My ex has been nonstop texting me and it has gotten so bad that its completely changed how I view him. Keep reminding yourself every time you have the urge to contact him that it will only push him away. Give it time. Try to move on so you don't prevent yourself from healing, but who knows what will happen as some time apart goes by. Hang in there, I felt like a crazy person after a similar breakup, but its normal and it WILL get better.

[star554]

Encouraging word everyone. I haven't contacted him past that text which actually feels really good. I mean it doesn't seem like such a big accomplishment, but compared to before...

 

I'm hoping it'll help me come out with some dignity and self respect. It can't be such a bad thing. Best case scenario? Maybe it'll give him a chance to miss me. Worst? We won't talk for a while, but eventually with a lot of time, maybe I can move past this. Waiting for that day... here's to beginning NC. (And probably posting here on those tougher days).

[TheNewGuy]

Looks like you're on the right path. At this moment in time, any accomplishment is a big one and that's a good thing! Now I guess we'll hold you to your "NC" choice.

[star554]

The only thing is, although, I'm not messaging him.... I keep checking any social media, my phone for like a message from him. I think hope is bad thing right now... I mean I guess I don't expect him to try and get in touch with me, but I keep checking anyways just to get disheartened. It's so frustrating!

[TheNewGuy]

Yeah it's super hard not to check that stuff. Seems like every time I done it I always found something else I didn't want to see. You think I'd learn huh? But I haven't checked anything in umm like 3 days and I so hope I can go 3 more and so forth. But you seem to be reacting normal to the situation, just like most other people that's been on eNA and it's okay.

[star554]

Maybe it's just me reading into things too much, but I feel like he's more active on facebook now, from absolutely no activity. :S And now I'm being completely ridiculous, because I think his recent comments seem "optimistic" because he's adding smiley faces and such to ALL his posts. It's almost like he's telling me he's happier! Gosh, I wish I could stop looking.

[TheNewGuy]

Yeah you probably are, I did the same. We all do. I think in my case the best thing to happen was she blocked me. Well it would have been the best thing if I didn't have an alternate account to log into. I hate Facebook sometimes... I will say though, if you keep checking you will eventually see something that will break your heart and shatter everything you have left. It happened to me. And it sucks majorly, but maybe sometimes that's what has to happen for you to start the healing process.

[star554]

I want to block him, but he has kept a friends door open. I don't want to erase what little bit of contact I have... because if I do, I'm worried I might never get it back. And I'm pretty sure it's not in my head... he IS more active now. In the past two days he's been posting stuff non-stop (he was at the top of my newsfeed again like two minutes ago).

[TheNewGuy]

So do you suppose he knows your seeing this? Like he is purposely dong it?

[star554]

I think he is. But, now that I think about it, it shouldn't matter. I'm gonna just try to suck it up and not go there. So hard to do!

[TheNewGuy]

Yeah you should try that, cause if he is doing it on purpose, that's pretty immature. If nothing else he's a jerk. I've had it done to me and looking back on it, I'm like "really? who does that?"

[star554]

Thanks for all the advice I'm writing here so I don't write to him. It's just Day 1... and I'm praying that it's easier tomorrow. I think it's important to take it one day at a time. We had so many plans for Christmas and New Year's but if I focus on that I'll just never be able to make it through. So I'm gonna think about just today.

[PaintWithLight]

You miss the dream of him. The image you built in your mind. In reality, he is actually just an ordinary guy. Learn from this and raise your standards and you will find your prince. Good luck!

[star554]

Perhaps you're right.. at some point, I hope I can see him that way.

 

On another note, I know this is the time to focus on yourself but surrounding yourself with friends and family does so much for your healing. Today, I spent about 4 hrs just talking to my friends, and not even about him. Just talking about everything else and it felt so good. I mean, ofcourse, I want to hear from him really badly but it felt GOOD to just not think about him for a while

[star554]

Everybody, I was doing fine. Like I was accepting that he wants to be friends for now. I wasn't happy but I didn't spend all of yesterday crying. But my ex couldn't bare that I guess. I did everything he asked... he wanted space and I didn't text him or anything for 2 days. What I did do was change my profile picture on facebook. And I go online about an hr ago, to see my ex has blocked me. WHY? Because a guy I had history with commented on it. And it wasn't even a compliment, just an observation. He accused me of planning all this out to get back at him. I fail to understand what I did wrong... change my profile pic? Not delete a comment from a friend so that he wouldn't have to see it? And he sent me right where I was at the time of our break up... completely heartbroken and in tears.

[TheNewGuy]

Sounds kind of full of himself. Like you really planned all that out to get back with him? Please... You didn't do a thing wrong, he just needs to grow up. Sorry to sound so harsh, but really it's just a comment on a pic...

[BeeToo]

You owe him nothing, it's not like you were disrespecting him or anything, he's just full of himself that thinks everything you do is to attack him.

I just don't get some guys, they want space, they tell you they want nothing with you even if you did try contact, but when they see you're happy or if they see something they don't "expect" they get mad.

[star554]

Something I really wanted to say to him, but didn't want to break NC to do it.

 

 

"It's really hard to believe what you've become. I'm the same girl I was but look at you. I realized something today... that you're always going to do this. You're gonna tell me what you want, and when I do it happily, you're going to find more reasons to hate me. You know what the worst part is? I've started to believe you like causing me misery... that you get some sort of twisted pleasure from it. Because, I didn't cry at all yesterday, and I guess you couldn't fathom that. It's like you make contact to say something really hurtful, then when I'm obviously hurt, instead of try and fix it, you disappear. So be really happy. You did what you wanted to do. You got me to cry again -- you got me to waste the whole day thinking about this. I hope you're happy because I'm so so not.

 

So why am I writing this? Because I've had it. I was kidding myself when I thought you wanted to be friends with me. Ultimately, what you want is to hurt me. And that you've done. All for what, because I changed a profile pic? Because a guy commented on it?

 

You know, real friends, even strangers, they don't hurt you like that. And they atleast stick around to do damage control, to give explanations. I don't ever want to speak to you again."