Not sure if NC is the right move

[Reminiscence]

Was seeing this guy in my class but he called things off in mid-October. Said he didn't have time for a relationship but it's the truth. I stopped talking to him for about 5 days before I wished him luck on his midterms. Now that I think about it I probably shouldn't have texted him because we chatted that night. We stopped talking again until midterms were over. Ever since then we were texting each other. He asked me if I wanted to be partners on a project with him, I hesitated but accepted in the end. We had an awkward night together. There wasn't sex but there was kissing.

 

Ever since that night I started having weird feelings. We never talked about it. Now whenever he texts I don't want to talk to him. I don't text him asking how his day has been and he hasn't been asking me that either. Last time he asked me how I was, was around Thanksgiving. I try to keep texts to just talking about our project but then he'll send me pics of stuff he drew. I dislike knowing that I have to see him in class. But at the same time, when I do see him in class I'm happy.

 

Today he texted and asked how I was doing. I didn't respond. I wanted to but at the same time I didn't want to. It's finals week now and I stopped texting him last Thursday, same day as our last class. 3 hours later he texts about our project which is due this Friday.

 

I'm not sure if I should go NC. Winter break starts this Friday and he'll be heading home out of state. I mean it would make NC easier him leaving the state and all but at the same time I feel like we need to talk about that night. I feel so conflicted and suspicious of him.

 

What do you guys think I should do? NC or talk to him about that night?

[abitbroken]

Well, you do sort of have to talk to him if you are working on a project together which is due Friday.

 

There are two approaches you could take:

 

I might keep conversation strictly on the project, but then also tell him that you know you haven't answered him back a lot, but that you are finding it a little awkward to talk after that night. You understand that he doesn't want a relationship and that's okay. But that night was a little confusing. You want to talk to him, but at the same time find it awkward to do so based on that. Maybe that will clear the air and you will feel better.

 

The other approach is to also not talk to him about anything but the project, and then slowly drift away or don't respond to his calls after he leaves.

[Reminiscence]

I was originally gonna wait until winter break to talk to him about that night but now I'm not sure. I mean I could just wait and see if my feelings towards him get better during the break. If they get worse I guess I could call him up to see if he wants to talk. Either way if I still feel like I want to avoid him when the next quarter is coming I'll talk to him. We're gonna have another class together next quarter cuz we're the same major.

[Reminiscence]

Huh. How strange. He sent me this text last night:

"I want to apologize for being distant and short tempered lately. Although I have been going through some troubling matters in my life lately, it is no excuse to treat you the way I have these past couple weeks. I'm sorry. I need to have better self control."

 

Thing is I haven't noticed him being distant or short tempered. Well maybe once or twice but it was over the project and I did something wrong on it. He wasn't clearly upset but I felt like he was annoyed. I'm not sure how to respond. It would be rude if I didn't say anything, right?

[Margi]

When someone is struggling with troubling things in their life, it is hard to have or maintain a relationship. That, I think, was the case for my ex, who is trying to finish school& dealing with family problems and a controlling family. Like the guy you mention, he was apologetic and even wrote me a note saying how sorry he was and called after. It sounds like his apology was genuiene and he wants to treat you better. Either that or he is looking for an excuse. Maybe that is just how he thinks you have seen him based on his actions. You should respond to him. Let him know that you are there for him if you are still interested in him and if he wants to talk, he can talk to you. From experience, guys are happy just knowing there is someone there who will listen to them (even if they may be shy opening up, like my ex).

 

Hope that helps! :smile:

[Reminiscence]

So I replied and said that I hadn't noticed him being short tempered or distant and that, even though he doesn't like talking to people about his problems, I'd be there if he wanted someone to talk to. He didn't say anything to what I said as we had other things to worry about like not failing our finals.

I'm curious if he was apologizing for that one night we had...