They want me to send him a NC Message? I don't think so.

[CutieGirl]

My bf left me after a short, but very intense 5 month relationship. I thought for sure he was the "love of my life" and the man that I would marry.

 

He had been going through a depression, sleeping all the time, more fatigued than usual. Then over time he became distant and quite selfish. He was pulling away from me even though I treated him like a king. He broke up with me telling me I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but he felt he was too old and gets too physically tired too often for us to be together. I couldn't believe it!!! He had just told me he loved me the day before. He had just gotten a clean bill off health from a cancer scare. I would cook for him, support him, love him as hard as I could - and after all that he dumps me with some lame excuse?

 

Well - I want you to know, I didn't cry or pout or beg him to stay this time. I didn't have an "attitude". I went numb. I was done with carrying all the weight of our relationship and at this point I was more than emotionally overdrawn. So after I confirmed that he was breaking up with me, I calmly got up, packed a box with all his belongings AND ALL the gifts he ever gave me, opened my front door, told him good-bye and walked away.

 

A day after the break-up I sent him a text (I knew he was depressed and maybe confused about leaving and I was concerned for his mental state)

 

My text read:

I know the fatigue and depression has affected the way you think - about everything. I know you might feel some things in life are hopeless, but I am still the friend that loves you, is concerned for you, is praying for you and will always remind you to have hope. I hope you get the rest and time you need to find the answers to what will bring you happiness going forward. All I can say is if you need me, I'm here. Take Care of Yourself.

 

After that I did not reach out to him anymore and had no plans to. Yes I want him back but if we were going to reconcile HE was going to have to take the lead this time.

 

A few days later, I bumped into a FREE online break-up self help group that supported No Contact. I was happy to discover them but here's the thing: The organizer kept insisting that I send a NC message saying: I agree with the breakup. I need time to think. Please don't contact me right now. I will call you when I'm ready to talk.

 

Now that didn't make a lick of sense to me to come OUT of 11 days of NC and send him ANOTHER communication. He hadn't been calling me to reconcile. He hadn't even responded to my initial text. I thought my first text was enough (sometimes I regret it because I think I had said too much).

 

Why was it so important for me to say ANYTHING else to him at this point?

 

Do you think my text was enough or is there wisdom in breaking my NC to send him this "NC Message"?

[Loveandlost]

i wouldnt, what would be the point. infact that message makes it so that you have to chase him again when you are ready.

 

Just move on with your life. No contact is natural, we all do it with everyone from our past as we move on with our lives. You don't need a formal statement declaring it. To be honest, the people who are saying that are trying to take back some of the power they lost when they were dumped. When we are dumped we lose all control, by sending this letter they are putting things on their terms, which makes them feel like they gained some of that power back.

 

Dont play those games, just move on with your life.

[junebug123]

 

Do you think my text was enough or is there wisdom in breaking my NC to send him this "NC Message"?

 

It will just make you look desperate in the end if you send him another message no matter what it is, chances are if he didn't respond to the first one he won't respond to this one. Sure you can send him a message saying NC but you admitted yourself that you want him back so if he does decide to get back together with you then there goes that. You have to decide for yourself what is the right thing to do, people can advise things but never insist or force, its your life, your relationship that's how i see it.

[CutieGirl]

Did my text sound like I am clingy or needy? Would it make him think he can just come back whenever he wants?

 

This was NOT what I was trying to convey.

[El0t]

Don't do it. Unless he reaches out to you, you have no reason to tell him not too.

[Clueless90]

I find not sending a NC message is always better, keeps them guessing.

[Johnny Utah]

Your text was thoughtful and caring. If I was him and going through what I went through, I would like that and try to fix my life.

 

You are a caring and warm person.

[LostInChicago]

I wouldn't break NC. The text you sent will suffice. He's not replying for a reason. Sending another text could be like twisting the knife a little deeper.

[lockyourdoors]

I find not sending a NC message is always better, keeps them guessing.

 

I think that's fine if the person is not suffering from depression/insecurities/anxiety.

 

What you've done is enough, CutieGirl. You've supported him, sent a warm and thoughtful text in the aftermath so now it's up to him.

 

I'm in the same situation. My intense four-month relationship with my girlfriend ended two weeks ago, and although we connected on so many levels, we were still getting to know each other. So to have depression or issues surface so early on is confusing, because it's hard to tell what's the depression or their actual personality. In the end you'll become as exhausted and miserable, and that's not good at all.