I'm so lost .. rebound gf.. ex wanna move back in with me..

[Rissa219]

I'm really lost right now.

My ex (Father of our 1.5 yr old son) moved out on Septrmber 19th..

10 days later I saw on his Facebook he was in a new relationship with a 18yr old.

 

Well my story is.. I live in Europe and my ex came from California in January to live with us.

We had a 1 year break in 2011 because he got out the Army and went home and before things didnt go well i had big mood swings during my pregnancy.

 

In December 2011 he wrote me after having LC for almost the whole year he still has feelings for me and wanna come to Germany to work on a new relationship.

I was very happy .. the first few weeks he was herr things went well but then arguements came up.. if things dont go my way I can be very mean ..

when I got really mad I kicked him out like 5 times and since he has a few friends here because I couldnt take the arguing anymore.

 

I was assuming he will sleep at their places but once or twice he had to stay the night outside.

while being together our relationship went good for a few days and then bad again.

and when i got mad he got mad also to show me how it feels and when i calmed down he told me one day i'm pissed the next day i wanna be his friend again. because of the relationship before (my ex ex cheated a lot and lied) i was always in the need to kinda observe him. read his facebook msgs and so on.

well he moved out in september because he said he cant take it anymore he loved me so much and i was mostly freaking out for no reason and he didnt feel very loved...

 

i was working 60 hrs/ week to provide, our son & my 7yr old daughter. and i was often very stressed from little sleep and when i was off we never really had time for us because of the kids.

 

so now he is dating this young girl which he met in august while he was kicked out and after he moved out she asked him to give her a chance.

he told me she is so nice and sweet.. of course what i havent been most of the time. and she doesnt argue.

i tol him they just met and he cant compare a 18 yr old to me (27yrs)

 

i think for about 5 weeks he told me how heatbroken he was, i treated him like ****, i got what i deserved, why i did him like that but really for weeks!! while he was already datin that girl. which he only met 2 or 3 times since they have their relationship.

 

i apologized soo often told him i want him back and another chance a few times. i guess it was too early.

he told me we dont match ( i said that all the time) and he only wanna talk about serious stuff in person.

right now he is living at a friends house about 3 hrs away and asked me if he can move back in with us in january because he will be playing in the national football team and said he can help me and watch our son so i can work again since i have no sitter now.

 

he also told me he can also stay at the players house if it would be a problem for me. but i shouldnt spread rumors because he thinks their relationship will end anyways when he moves in and i should let in end on its own..

 

from day one when we met he was wayy more into me than i was and we were engaged also after 6 mts of being together and it was his wish of having a child with me..

this last week he asked me every day if he can talk to our son on skype and it always ended that we were talking for hrs about random things since a 1 yr wont sit still..

 

i told him on wednesday i cant take it anymore i have to accept he dont want me anymore and hung up on skype. he kept on writing me how sorry he was for things he said (we will never work out etc) and he was just playing and he wanna talk to me and he dont wanna beg me like he used to and he wanna talk about serious stuff in person.

 

my question is should i let him move in ?? ( my friends think this girl is a typical rebound and he is just seeking for attention and wanna hurt me since he always says how bad i hurt him & he loved me soo much & they think things will get better once we will live together )

i mean facebook msgs wont solve anything and we dont really see each other since he lives a little far away now.

he is a person that needs attention to feel loved and i think this girl is giving that to him.

 

he once said if i expect him to come back and everything will be ok and it would lots of time to work on anything but he is afraid i will kick him out again once i get mad but i really won't..

 

i think he is not breaking up with her because he is scared when he gets back with me things will be the same.

but i have really really improved myself the last 2 months.

 

i am way more calm dont really get mad at all and if only a little. i would stop all that investigating and stalking to only find out he doesnt talk to any females anyways. will show him more love...

 

i know what i did wrong and really wanna prove him it will work out. i dont know how to convince him anymore and its impossible to have NC because we have a child together..

he is really a good man i mean he messed up some things too but a lot was really my fault for treating him like **** tho i really really love him i never felt that way for anyone in my life before. i just have a bad temper well used to

[Rissa219]

can anybody please give me some advice?!

[InkedDragon]

He still has a girlfriend and wants to move in with you?

[Rissa219]

yea he still does

[InkedDragon]

Why let him move in if he still has a gf? Only you will be the one that gets hurt while he has the best of both worlds.

[sharky988]

If you feel you've changed and he's agreed to move back in and work to make things better, then what do you have to lose? You have a child together, so there's a lot at stake in the two of you making this work.

 

I assume he'll be breaking up with this young girl before moving back in, right?

[Rissa219]

no he just said he thinks it will end anyways but i should let it end on its own..

i know it sounds stupid but i dont think he can be serious about her when he wants to move back in with me .

its probably a stupid idea but things cant become any worse as they are and i think it would help us and i can prove i'm different because otherwise we mostly have contact via txt msgs and i dont think you can get closer by writing messages..

should i confront him next time he is over what he wants or will i put more pressure on him tht way?

i was thinking to tell him i cant be frieds with him as long as he is seeing someone else. maybe he will miss me once we arent in contact almost every day.

[Rissa219]

Why let him move in if he still has a gf? Only you will be the one that gets hurt while he has the best of both worlds.

 

yea thats true.. i just want him back that i would do anything because i really treated him bad at times

[InkedDragon]

If he hasn't broken up with her, it doesn't show committment on his part...

[Rissa219]

thats true. but we haven't really spoken about working it out again i just told him several times and he said he is afraid the same mistakes will happen again and we rather should talk about serious things in person. he was at my house a few days ago and asked a few times why i'm looking so depressed. i think that was his hint he wanted to talk but i didnt wanna break out in tears again so i havent really said anythingy

i reallly wanna talk things out but i'm afraid. how should i start talking about it next time he will be here?

[InkedDragon]

Take some time away to clear your mind and emotions. The talk won't be productive if the emotions are running high. If anything it will cause you to fight more. Let the emotions die down a bit and gain some clarity on the matter. I know it's hard but you have to think with your mind not your emotions.

[Rissa219]

Take some time away to clear your mind and emotions. The talk won't be productive if the emotions are running high. If anything it will cause you to fight more. Let the emotions die down a bit and gain some clarity on the matter. I know it's hard but you have to think with your mind not your emotions.

 

should I let him know next time he'll contact me I need some time apart ?

I was thinking about it quite often as long as I keep on remaining in the picture as I am now he won't overthink anything because it's kinda the same as before besides not having sex..

[InkedDragon]

Sure, let him know you need time to think and do it. Since you have a child together,only discuss things about the child. Don't talk about the relationship until you feel ready to.

[Rissa219]

Sure, let him know you need time to think and do it. Since you have a child together,only discuss things about the child. Don't talk about the relationship until you feel ready to.

 

okay I will do that. thank you

[InkedDragon]

Good luck! Hope for the best but expect the worst.

[Rissa219]

Good luck! Hope for the best but expect the worst.

 

yea thats true. I was thinking bout inventing a guy i started talking to to make him jealous but I guess thaths childish..

I really do hope for the best

[InkedDragon]

Keep your integrity no matter what happens because even if it doesn't work out. At least you kept your head high and look bavk with no regrets.

[Rissa219]

Keep your integrity no matter what happens because even if it doesn't work out. At least you kept your head high and look bavk with no regrets.

 

well I was waiting on him to write me so I could tell him I need time to think about everything..

so he wrote me today asking if he could come over for a few days to "babysit" our son and spend time with him.

he knows I don't need a babysitter and I never asked him if he could watch him, because I don't really like to ask others for a favor even if it's his Dad I'm just used to do everything on my own.

I told him it's ok with me since he lives a few hours away and didn't really get to see our son a lot since he moved out.

should I talk to him about getting back, since he told me a few times when I was asking him to give me a chance, he only wanna discuss serious stuff in person. Maybe I shouldn't have said yes to him coming here, but I rather have him here than with his girlfriend....

[InkedDragon]

Talk to him and see where it goes. If anything you'll have a better understanding of where things stand.