Showing all the signs of losing interest or is it stress?

[mrmbreak]

My girlfriend and I have hit a rough patch recently, and i'm looking for some advise.

We've been dating for about a year, and it has been the best relationship I've been in. And I thought we were very much in love. (Both in our late 20's)

Recently she has been distant and showing signs of losing interest in me.

 

To preface, my gf has been stressed lately. She has a very heavy class load, is working full-time at a new job (she regrets taking) and she just recently moved.

 

Some of the signs that have me worried:

No sex and or real physical intimacy for the last month. lol not even a cuddle.

We haven't spent much time together recently. In the last two weeks we have seen each other for about 2hrs total. (We used to sleep together at least 3 nights a week)

We haven't had a proper date in a while, but she has had several girls nights out.*

Whenever I ask her out (or just ask her to bring dinner over) she is busy with homework, or has plans with her girlfriends.

Phone sessions are much shorter (15-20min compared to hours before)

Just general lack of closeness. Less joking around as much. Affection is way down.

I try to continue to be very affectionate towards her (gifts, cooking, love letters, back rubs, being there for her to vent.) but none of it seems to be leaving an impression on her anymore.

She doesn't invite me over to her place anymore, and I've been turned down so much lately that I don't want to ask her anymore.

She says things will get better, but I just don't see her putting in any effort at all into the relationship right now.

 

I have tried to talk to her about it three times recently, and each time I feel better about it for a while, but then insecurity creeps up and I start worrying that I'm losing her.

We had a serious conversation where she agreed to tell me the truth, even if it hurts me.

She tells me that it's her problem, and that I'm not doing anything wrong. She says it just school, and her overall stress right now.

 

Some things still give me hope:

She still says she loves me, and appreciates the things I do for her.

She still initiates texts a lot. and gets annoyed if she thinks i'm ignoring her.

She says she still thinks about us getting married.

I asked her flat out if she has lost any attraction for me, and she animatedly told me that she hasn't.

I offered to back off, to take a break on the relationship, if she needed it. She was hurt that I even considered that.

I trust her and don't believe she would ever cheat on me, but I'm just afraid she is drifting away from me.

 

I want to believe that we we'll get through this. I just wished she would show some effort, so I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Basically I'm still very much in love with her, but It's been hard not receiving any affection back.

Am I just in denial, and she has lost interest, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings?

Or am I just overreacting and should just be more patient?

[mrmbreak]

Sorry to self bump here, but any insights would be appreciated.

I feel like a fool right now, if I'm loving someone and they couldn't care less.

On the other hand, I would hate to give up on relationship especially one I feel this strongly about, if I'm just being insecure.

[I like ravioli]

A heavy class load + a full time job? It's definitely the stress, dude. I'd cut her a break. I've definitely been in this place many times and it's probably not personal at all - she's just physically incapable of putting much into the relationship right now.

 

I do think it's a little weird that she's spending more time with her girlfriends, you should definitely ask her about that. My guess is that it's less pressure to be around just friends, since she doesn't feel like she has to look her best or anything like that.

 

Also, advise her to cut back on the workload. That isn't healthy.

[mrmbreak]

Thanks for the post.

We had another talk about it(mostly me talking) and she reiterated that it's the stress that is making her depressed. She also mentioned the thing about her girls nights where to distract her from her problems, but it was also a boredom issue when she is with me. I'll keep being patient, but it's still hard to do. Hopefully things will improve when she lessens her load. She still says she wants to be with me and she loves me, so I'll believe her.