Tell me I did the right thing

[Nvme]

First of all, I'm so glad this forum exist. Just reading other people's stories have really helped me.

 

I'm 27 and been going out with this girl(21) since 1/1/11 so almost 2 years now. Our relationship was a little rocky at the beginning due to me but after I straightened up after a few months. I started listening to her and stopped being selfish and things were great.

 

Then come February, I received an offer to work in Korea which I took. The hiring was permanent but I was figuring around 2 years to save up and come back home. Figured she'd be finished up college then and I would have enough money to deposit on a house and such. Also, part of this contract allows me to come home every 6 months for 2 weeks so essentially, I only get to see her twice a year.

 

We skype'd and messaged each other every day. I don't know what came over me but about 2 months in, I broke up with her. It was dumb. After a week, I came back to my senses but she didn't take me back. So I wrote to her everyday and mailed it. And honestly, I changed a lot since the first day I met her. At that point, I really gave her everything I had.

 

She took me back, and months past by, I noticed I wasn't a big priority in her life. I still sent her flowers, pizza, notes, stuff to still let her know I care. We ended up breaking up on last Friday.

 

This is the part I'd like to know if I did the right thing. She claimed she fell out of love, mostly due to distance. She stayed with me even though she lost the feelings about 4 months ago. She didn't want to hurt me and figured it was better for her to endure the pain to make me happy. She saw me as a "safe" person since she knew I'd love her, and take care of her no matter what. She was comfortable.

 

Hearing this, I broke up with her, since she didn't have it in her to break up with me. I'm sure if I would have been persistent, she would have stayed with me, but that just didn't seem right. I love this girl, with every bit of my soul, I want her to be happy, so I let her go. It was hard, and still is hard. She insist she still wants to be friends and she still cares for me.

 

So did I do the right thing in breaking up with her?

 

Do I stay friends with her in hopes that when I come back to the states, we can rekindle that fire?

 

Do I just cut her out of my life?

[zep]

Yes, you did the right thing. You don't need to cut her out of your life, you two are so far apart just stop making an effort to contact her. 2 years is an extremely long time for a LDR. I'm very surprised you thought it would be feasible/a good idea to live abroad for two years and stay together. Of course you will grow apart. You should let this happen; let this unique experience change you and make you grow into the person you are meant to be.

 

You can stay friends, but one you come back you two probably will be so different you won't want to or be able to rekinle anything. You are only 27 and a guy! You will probably have several more serious relationships before you settle down.

[Nvme]

I guess I was naive to think 2 years would be okay. With the current economy in the states, I really thought taking this job offer was the right choice. Our relationship was so good till I left the country. I go through these phases where I'm happy for her and then want to just jump off a bridge. I stopped eating for a bit but now eating one small meal a day. It's just so much harder being without friends or family here.

[Nvme]

It's been 2 days since I've talked to her. I still can't stop from checking her facebook and twitter. It's horrible, I know.

 

I went out yesterday and actually met a cute girl. I didn't want anything more than company and it was nice to have someone to talk to. I posted some pics on my facebook from the even. My ex liked one of them. sigh...*** is wrong with me.

[JamesG8383]

I guess I was naive to think 2 years would be okay. With the current economy in the states, I really thought taking this job offer was the right choice. Our relationship was so good till I left the country. I go through these phases where I'm happy for her and then want to just jump off a bridge. I stopped eating for a bit but now eating one small meal a day. It's just so much harder being without friends or family here.

 

I know how you feel man... Like right now, i'm thinking I know shes out there somewhere and I hope she will be happy no matter what, even if it's not with me. But an hour from now i'll think it's a good idea to go jump off the roof of my building. It really sucks, and to be honest I don't even want to be around my family or friends because I feel like a burden.

 

As for eating, try exercise if you can. It has been hard but I have been forcing myself to go to the gym and I can usually eat after that... But i'm only eating 1 meal a day.

[Nvme]

I failed. I messaged her Hi yesterday. She replied she was busy with essays. I said good luck.

 

Looks like I'm starting over on the NC to day 0.

[Nvme]

Yup, back at day 0, weekends are not a good time...

[Nvme]

So we talked last night. I instigated it. As she was my best friend and new everything about my family and situation, I seeked advice from her. She then said bye. Then few hours later, I messaged her again about the stuff with correlation to topic earlier.

 

Then she asked me questions about other stuff. She ended up falling asleep with skype on the way we used to. Am I looking too into this?

[RedKite]

Yes you did the right thing. Distance like that will make it hard for anyone to maintain a relationship. She was honest with you and you did the right thing to let her go, because she couldn't.

 

Stay in friendly contact with her, as long as it doesn't hurt you too much. There is definitely a chance that it could work when you get back home. Just be prepared that she will very likely meet someone new in that time.

[Nvme]

Thanks Redkite.

 

Sunday, she mostly ignored my couple messages I sent but she finally replied, we played a few online games together with friends and then she left. Didn't have a chance to talk to her really.

 

I'm a bit homesick from being so far from home. I am going home for Christmas thank goodness and think that will help. I plan to see her over that break and if she is warm again, I will ask her to be just a little more patient. I plan to come back home permanently between May - July of 2013 pending if I can get into an MBA program or find a job. If she is cold this Christmas, I will assume that it was not just the distance and move on. Plan seem reasonable?

[Nvme]

You were apathetic today, not just to me, but everything. You explained to me how if I had broken up with you on a different day, things would probably be different as you were busy that day and was not able to emotionally consider what was happening. Instead, you diverted all your emotions to an idol and now only consider him. This doesn't really seem like you. So emotionless, its a bit weird, but I know you are thinking straight. You don't ever see us getting back together. That is that. Time to move on. I'll see you over the winter holidays, I'm afraid, I don't know how to act or even if I can hug you. What to do.

[Nvme]

I feel a bit better today. I ate. It's probably because I realized that I was the "better" person in the relationship. It's her loss. I did make mistakes but I did my absolute best to love her and thus, time for me to move on.

[Nvme]

Why Is the first day of NC so easy, but the 2nd just kills me. God help me.

[Nvme]

Somebody please interpret this:

 

That moment where you fall out of love with everything that once was right. The nightfall thoughts are so depressing.

 

 

*** does this mean??

[FabulousGrace]

Hey, I'm sorry you're in such pain. I think you need to ask yourself why you would even consider taking a perm job so far away? Maybe in your heart of hearts, you knew this wasn't the real deal? When you're deeply in love, you move closer, not further apart...better to be poor, together, than wealthy but apart.

I'm sorry for the loss....just stick to doing what you're doing, count down the days and it will get better.

[Nvme]

Why I chose work. Well, a few reasons. One, the economy when I graduated in 2008 sucked and was quite hard to get a job. Took me 2 years to get a decent job. Now I figured this opportunity would really help me get a better career when I get back and also would be able to save a good lump of money for a wedding and down payment on a house. That was the hope.

 

Now I realize I was blinded by greed and didn't listen. Hence I'm trying to find my way back now but I cannot go back till May at the earliest.