Is he just confused or what is this Part 2

[frackledJJ]

Hello everyone.

We talked today. Me and him. When our mutual friend left us, I asked him if he was angry at me for talking about that party with her. He said, yes, kind of, but not bad, it's ok. Than I asked him if what he told her was true, and he said, yes. Than I asked him if what he had said to her about our talk at the party was true, too. That he hadn't said what I had heard and he said yes again. I than told him that he did say it, but allright, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said yes. I was so angry that I called him like 15 minutes later and told him, I didn't want to put pressure on him, but he did say, what he said and that I am neiter crazy nor do I have anything on my ears. He said, that he remembered that we talked outside and that we danced, but he doesn't remember what we talked about in particular. I told him I wouldn't remember that many details myself, but that he could have told me anything. "I wouldn't have been surprised if you would have told me you had turned gay. But when you said you loved me it was a total shock to me. That's why I remember it so well." "Well, but I don't remember saying it." "And you don't remember telling me for at least 5 times that your first thought, when you see me, is: "Just go over there and kiss her!" ?" "No." "How drunk were you!" "I thought not that much!" Than I asked him if we could meet up somewhere on neutral ground and just simply talk about this, not putting pressure up and simply staying with the facts. Yes, he'd like to do that, too, but not now since he has a paper to write over the weekend and he doesn't know if he has time next week, because he has to work. Next weekend he's home with his parents, so it's gona be like two more weeks until that talk. "We see each other in college, we can figure something out!" was his sentence. But he also said that it's over and it's gonna stay thet way. I told him I accept this and that's not why I want to talk to him, but that he has to understand that everything that happened because of that party talk has hurt me much. I also told him that it would never work out between us now, if we would get back together because I couldn't trust him anymore. Than I asked him to really think about why he thinks something like that happened, when he was slightly drunk, and when he's sober, he just turns for 180 degrees. I stressed the point that he did say it and that I want him to think about how something like that can happen (because I want him to realize that he has those feelings and is just burrying them away, but I didn't tell him that). And than I asked him to be totally honest in that talk to me and not hide something because he thinks his situation will get easier that way or because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I also told him this talk is going to be very difficult for both of us, but that the only thing we are now good at is misunderstanding the other one, and that what we need is total clearity. In my phone call I stressed the point that I respect his point of view and his decision, in order to get him to talk to me on neutral ground, being off campus, where both of us have friends that come and go and both of us have lessons. I think these things can only be cleared in a talk like this.

My plan for that talk is to tell him everything of the talk that I remember, and how it all developed, so that he can understand my point of view and think about what he said. But I don't know what to do than. I so wish for him to say I said those things, because that is exactly what I feel. But I can't right now." Because that is what he told me at the party. And I mean, these words and these feelings have to be there in him, because why would he have said so otherwise?

I mean, three people only saw us dacing and asked if we are back together. His feelings can't be that negative towards a relationship with me, right?

God, I am so confused over all of this!!! Please, could you write me how to do handle this talk? I have to know what I want and what I want to know from him before I go in there, and right now all I wnat is to be together with him!

Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ashland71]

I just want to reply to that one part where you say he told me he loves me so those feelings must be in him some where. No, not really he could have just said that because it sounded like the right thing to say and he was more than a little drunk. People say the strangest things when they are drunk and mean very little of it. Be really carefull that you aren't just hearing what you want to hear. Just because he says it doesn't mean he really means it. It is pretty obvious by your posting that you just want him to be with you, but it doesn't sound like he is interested in that? Maybe I am wrong and I sure don't want to discourage you. Make sure when you have this talk that you listen to what he is saying and plan what you ask really carefully. If he says some thing make sure he doesn't use a lot of qualifiers that just make his statements vague and open to your own interpretations. You might just find your self more confused than before you talked to him. Hope the talk goes really well. I wish you the very best of luck.

[frackledJJ]

Dear Ashland

Yes, what you say is true. It is just that his whole behaviour of the last 2 months suddenly made sense after that talk at the party. His one time running out of the caffeteria when I came in and than two days later he came to my table all by his self. His smiling and greeting, winking at me and the next day not even greeting me normally. And I wouldn't argue on that fact, that his feelings are gone, hadn't he said so more than once. Even at the last view minutes, after we danced, he still stood by his words that he could imagine building a house and having children. If he would have said so only once, ok. But he said so everytime I asked him (five or six times during our "session" which lasted three hours os more), and he said he wants to kiss me everytime he sees me about 5 to 10 times during our talk. Without me asking him.

I know I am projekting my behaviour on him, because I certanly wouldn't say something like that if I don't mean it. So what you say can be right. But than I still want an explanation, because what he is doing is not fair to me at all. Imagine I wouldn't have talked to V. ! I would sit here and get my hopes up because he said this and he can't remember a thing and wonders why I still have feelings for him! The summary of this party talk to me was : I know you are the one person for me, but you are too early.

Who wouldn't get ones hopes up with that?