It's Been A Year, Still Thinking About Her! (Long! Sorry)

[Philpo]

Hey Guys,

 

Well this is the situation, my ex girlfriend broke up with me just over a year ago, after we had a 2 1/2 year relationship. Things had kinda got routine and because she was going to University (she was 18 and i was 21) she obviously felt that she needed a fresh start. We were each others first love and i felt like i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I went no contact for about 3 months cause it was so hard, then (we're both from the same small town but go to University in different cities) we met each other at Christmas - over the holidays - and tried to be friends from then on.

 

In the following months things were up and down but were too hard for me. After about another 3 months of being "friends" she got a new bf. After that i found it too hard. I'd obviously been tricking myself into believing we may get back together so i ceased all contact with her and went totally no contact and thats the way its been for the last 6 months bar a couple of txt messages here and there.

 

So here i am now. Just over a year in total and im still thinking about her. I've been intimate with other girls since but its just not the same and everytime its got even close to being a relationship i freak out. I either really want to be single or long for my ex. I still think about her everyday and lose myself in memories of her. I just don't get why i'm still thinking about her. I think deep down im still in love with her, or in love with the thought of having what we had again.

 

What's more, just reccently i've been longing to contact her. I miss knowing what's going on in her life. We had a txt conversation just over a month ago, as it was my birthday, and it went really well and i handled it surprisingly well. I felt like i could be friends with her. We were best friends and totally insperable and now i miss her friendship. I want to be there for her.

 

I'm really not sure what to do. Is it cause i still have hope in my heart or is it cause i really love her as a person and want to be there for her. I guess, if there was ever a chance for us to be ever again, we would have to have some sort of friendship.

 

I really do need some advice on this guys. If you've read this far i really appreciate it and you must be a very caring person. I'm very lost after i thought i was doing so well.

 

Thanks

 

Regards

 

Philpo x

[tiger_lilies]

Dear Philpo, it's so sad but so good to read your post. It's heartbreaking stories like yours that I find so bittersweet.

 

I have no advice, I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Take care of yourself and do what you feel is right.

[blueyed99]

Dont get frustrated .. and don't give in to your temptation to contact her. A year really isn't that long so stop being so hard on yourself!! You will heal .. but you have to continue on the path of no contact .. none at all. This is the most important component in healing. I've learned the hard way. Do you know what else I've found? If I allow myself to think about my ex, I get totally caught up in it and it doesn't seem to stop for hours on end .. days on end at times.... but if everytime I think of him, I immediately change my thoughts to something else/something different, it seems I get back to a normal state of mind a lot sooner.

 

Trust me, this isn't easy. I know because I'm struggling with the exact same ordeal .. except, our relationship ended after eight+ years. He has a new gf (who, by the way, is very "HOT" -- and I met yesterday, when I ran into him with her at walgreens, unexpectedly) but I havent been able to move on quite as easily. Infact, same as you .. I have little desire to be with anyone else. Period, end of sentence. It sucks. But, recently, I stopped talking to him and its gotten a bit better. Everyday I'm getting stronger and every day that goes by is one less day that I'll have to heal from this in the future. It takes time. And, it does get better.

 

You have put soo many months effort into not calling and trying to heal .. dont reopen the wound. I promise you .. there is nothing she is going to say when you call or whatever that will make you feel better beyond the initial momentary high of captivating her attention on the phone or the like. I think you're just missing her and looking for an excuse, which, as we all know is just a seasonal FIX.. I know .. this is completely and entirely normal. I have the same cravings. Trust me. we all do. But, stay true to yourself and don't contact her. It will NOT make things better. Infact, quite the contrary - you'll be upset with yourself for contacting her, after the fact, when she doesn't say the wonderful things you'll be wanting to hear once you've got her on the line. And, you'll get off of the phone feeling even lower than you do right now.

 

 

Stay strong and keep your head up. It will get better.

[John1]

Philpo,

I do feel for you.. Im in the same situation.. I was going out with my ex for just over 4 years.. Its been 16 months since the split and I still think of her every day... I still would love to get back together with her but she has resisted any of my attempts for a reconciliation.. she dumped me because i drunkenly kissed another girl...2 weeks prior to her dumping me we were talking about moving in together and getting engaged.. we were so excited..

now we have been apart 16 months and she wants nothing to do with me cos i cheated on her....

I saw her in a bar over the weekend.. she was standing about 10 feet away from me and didnt acknowledge me or nothing..

doing NC is best i suppose .. but its hard.. we were each others first loves too.. its hard to block her from my mind...

Maybe time will help us to heal

Take Care

John

[gracee]

oohhh, i see my ex-bf in you, well i have my first bf and our relationship lasted for about 4 years after i fell out of love i had several bfs after him and guess what he just confessed to me that he's still inlove with me and haven't had any serious relationships after me, this made me felt guilty and i told him to just live his life and the reason why he can't look for another gf is bec. he is trying to see my qualities in them which is i think unfair. so if i were you just learn tomove on and dont try to look for another her, just come what may, who knows at the end but you know hoping too much could give you much pain and too many frustrations in life so i hope you'll try to date more girls but dont set any criteria to them.

[Philpo]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for your replies. Everyone has said something that is good advice.

 

I'm finding this really hard at the mo. I really would like to contact her, i really do feel like i miss her as a friend. But like you guys said it is obviously the wrong thing to do. I just cant see the rest of my life without knowing her again. That seems like such a strange concept especially when we were everything to each other and did so many things together. I had so many firsts in my life with her.

 

I am going travelling in a year, for about 12-18 months. I figured its time to get away and see the world. But this is another reason why i feel i should contact her. I don't even really know why.

 

My head is a bit of a mess!

 

Oh there was another thing. She has remained really good friends with one of my mates that she got to know when we were together and she still remains in contact with him. He doesn't really let me know when she's been in contact with him, which is fair enough, but he does tell me if i ask.

 

About 2 weeks ago i actually tried to send her a txt message and it failed to send to her number. I was a bit confussed and spoke to my mate, as he would be able to tell me if she had got a new number. Apparently he had had a message off her just a few days before saying she had a new number. Obviously she hasn't sent this to me, so is this clear intent on her part that she doesn't want to be in contact with me or is there another reason?

 

She always said she wanted to be friends when we broke up and always thought i wouldn't be able to handle it. She was right. When i started no contact for the second time (once she had got a bf) i deleted her and blocked her from my msn cause she used to try and talk to me and it used to hurt just seeing her sign in. She worked that out quite quickly and i have a suspicion she may just think that i dont want to hear from her and that maybe the reason she hasn't given me her new number

 

I don't know i'm unsure, any opinions would be very much appreciated

 

Thanks

 

Philpo x

[altoids144]

I am going through the exact same thing. I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago after a 2.5 yr relationship. It was both our first relationship. ABout a month I have moved away and this hasn't really helped me. I still think about her and wonder whether she has a new boyfriend or not. I wonder what she's doing and really want to talk to her. I have deleted her off my MSN also but we sometimes e-mail each other. I'm worried that after a year I will still be in the same situation, unable to move on. I don't know what advice to give you because I'm going through the same thing but no contact definitely works for now. It might take time but it will eventually happen. You can't love a person forever without feeling love from the other person. It's a 2-way process... right now it's just one way. I am also thinking of travelling around, to get away from it all. I think it's good to be by yourself and to realize that you can love yourself and not rely on another person's love. That's just me though. I'm not sure if this helps.

[bexcelant]

Look dude. You know I will tell you something here and you can use it for however you wish. If you contact her again, you risk pain and hurt. If you don't, well you will lose her and you'll heal. The ball will be in her court it will depend on fate for her to contact you.

 

If you do contact her, you will have to do it in a way that says I'm here. I'm your friend. No pressure. No expectations. If you can handle that and the possibility for mega pain, then go for it. Try to be the pseudofriend and work your way back into her life in order to get her back. That is your goal isn't it?

 

I personally have this philosophy in my own life. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Wouldn't it be terrible to go through the rest of your life wondering what might have been? What if you did contact her, work yourself back in and married her? Granted, the odds of this happening are probably not good. Then again you never know. Life is a string of events strung out in time. One pearl leading to another pearl of experience.

 

I guess I'm a romantic and it didn't work out for me. She married another guy but I do not regret my actions. I pulled out all the stops. I tried everything. In the end, when I exhausted all means, I knew I had given it my all and had fought the good fight. She respects me for that. I'm not telling you to overwhelm her with gifts, offers of dates and such but I am telling you to be her friend with no pressure. When the moment is right, then you'll say something like "We were good together". And plant that seed in her head.

 

Risk it all and let it all hang out. That's what I'd do but then that's just me. I have sufferered the pain of losing her but at the same time, I was prepared for it. I look back and I have no regrets. I said and did what I had to do.

 

I suppose it's your call. Contact her and be prepared to fight and perhaps lose. Maybe you'll win her back? Who knows. Or do the no contact and let it ride. You'll recover, move on with your life and maybe someday, she'll contact you or you'll run into each other and talk. But you will have moved on with your life.

 

BEXCELANT

[Philpo]

BEXCELANT,

 

Thank you so much for your reply, you have made some very good suggestions and made me look at my situation in a new light. I think you and i have very similar principals and thoughts on life. You really have started to make me think about things differently. I can't really say how but it was almost as if reading your post was like me talking to myself.

 

Thank you very much, i will make a decision soon and let you guys know either way

 

Kind Regards to all that have posted

 

Philpo ](*,)

[bexcelant]

Situations like this are never easy. I wish you luck and I hope you fare better than myself. Either way, you will grow as I have. My last piece of advice to you. Don't be her doormat. If she isn't treating you the way you want to be treated dissappear because life is too short to be abused or taken for granted.

 

Bexcelant