Need some advice - how to follow up with my Ex-wife?

[paperboy48]

My ex and I have two children which we have 50% custody of. During our negotiations of separation details, she came up with the idea of her having the kids every Monday & Tuesday and I would have them every Wed & Thursday. Then we switch every other weekend.

 

When we were going through this I was in a mental fog and not thinking clearly. Everything is now in ink as we have been separated for 10 months and are recently divorced.

 

A few weeks ago, I proposed the idea to my ex that we switch our days during the week in 2013 and then switch every other year. Reason being, a lot of people tend to go out now on Thurs nights and now that I'm single...I'd like to be able to take part in my share of Thursday night fun, as well.

 

I texted this idea to her a few weeks ago and have heard nothing back. My attorney says I have no chance with this unless my Ex sees the fairness in my request and agrees to it.

 

Anyone have any suggestions on how I follow with my ex?

 

Thanks

[iamkaylee]

Next time you see her to swap the kids, bring it up and talk to her about it. She may like the idea of having a four day weekend free every now and then.

[luminousone]

Hopefully when you proposed the change you didn't say it was because you want to go out on Thursday nights... I am thinking that wouldn't sit well with me.

 

Kudos to you for stepping up as a dad!

 

My ex and I share 50/50 custody as well. We do an every other week thing, and have been doing that for 3 1/2 years. For the most part it has worked out fine and the kids have adjusted. My kids are 17 and 12, so old enough to handle the rhythms.

 

Any changes you make (formally) to your plan will have to go through the courts, which takes time and money.

 

When considering a change you should be thinking of the welfare of your children first and foremost. Any changes made should be positive changes that will benefit your children, not something to benefit you.

 

That being said, your plan sounds a but complicated and might be a bit much for your children with all of the transitions, every other weekend, etc.

 

How old are your children and how are they doing with this?

 

For the most part our kids are handling the rhythms well but my 17 year old has decided to practically move his entire wardrobe each week as well as his computer tower, making it way more complicated. Just last night he proposed that we change it to every two weeks.

 

My younger son wants to continue with every other week.

 

I think it is better to stick with what we have now, because I really think they need a dose of each parent about that often.

 

In terms of you wanting to go out Thursday nights- my ex often arranges for me to have the boys extra when he wants to do something during his time. While I don't always say yes, I do rejoice in the extra time I have with my boys. I could be spiteful and say no, but I love having the extra time. It is always arranged informally.

 

Or get a babysitter, or have a family member watch them.

 

Or really, just plan those nights out for every other Friday...

 

In time you, your ex, and your kids will see how this plan is working out and you will figure out the necessary changes. In the meantime rejoice in the time you are able to spend with your precious children! They grow up fast...

[paperboy48]

I did not tell her why although I am sure she can figure it out, my ex likes to go out plenty...trust me.

 

Changing the days of the week they are with me and vice versatile with my ex should have no effect on my kids. My kids will be eight soon. They have handled this whole thing better than anyone involved. Thanks for asking.

[abitbroken]

That is really a tough schedule for the kids unless you have the kids staying in one place and the parents rotate or unless you live really close. I think that you should do what is best and the most stable for the kids and plan your nights out the Friday and Saturday nights you don't have them - and there are lots of things going on as far as Monday and Tuesday nights. Heck, if you don't have them that weekend, you can nurse your hangover on Monday or even go away for a 4 day weekend. I spend those nights doing something with a meetup group and forming real bonds instead of hanging out on a bar stool. Also, if the kids schedules change as far as extracurriculars where they end up wanting dad there instead of mom or mom instead of dad depending on what the activity is, then you make changes based on them. And you might eventually get a Thursday out of it.

[luminousone]

I had also thought about switching every other year, because the way we have it set up, it seems like certain holidays land during my time and during his on a regular basis. Although we set holidays up in the parenting plan, there are some (like Halloween) that we didn't address due to their age. But, come to think of it my ex has had the boys for Halloween for 3 years in a row... Although he brought our sons over to my neighborhood the past few years anyway.

 

I brought up the idea to change, but it was denied. In any case, my ex plays and travels a lot so I get the boys more often even when it is not my time. And... I had better enjoy it now, because the oldest will be at college next year!

 

The other issue that might come up - if your kids are in sports or scouts or some other activity that they attend on the days you don't have them, and they want you to participate, then that could be an issue. In my case I simply got on the committee for my son's scouts, so I go (and see them) even when it is not my week with them. A little perk, you could say...