HELP !!!!!!!! Thinking of cheating!

[helplessandsad]

Ok here is my story. I have been dating someone for almost 4 years (it will be in 2 months). We are best friends and I truly love him a lot. We have had our rough spots and we have broke up once for a month and got back together. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go though. I thought I was going to die without him. He said that we weren't right for each other and he couldn't give me what I wanted (to get married) because he wasn't ready and didn't know if he ever would be. He said that I deserve those things that he wanted me to be happy.

 

I was in so much pain from this it kind of hit me unexpected. Here is a little back story we had been dating for about 7 months and he cheated on me with the neighbor next door. I was crushed this guy had tried to get me to go out with him for ever and I never would (had kind of a playboy rep) big shock huh! I gave in. I feel in love so hard, then he did this to me it crushed me. I don't know how many of you have ever felt that but my heart was ripped from my chest and I was numb for weeks.

 

Before me he had never been in a relationship before in 26 years just for about month or so at a time and then he would dump the girl when he was done he had never been in love. He never had his consequences affect someone else before until he saw what he did to me. He would call me crying and say how much he never meant to hurt me and that he really screwed up and blah blah blah. We have all heard that before.

 

Well anyway back to the break up he said that even thought the cheating event happened early in the relationship I still after all this time didn't completely trust him and that we couldn't be in a relationship without trust. So that was that. We had decided to sit down and talk after a month and realized that we both still very much loved each other. We decided to give it another try. Since then about 6 months ago we have been doing great and getting along great. We still have our problems but so does everyone else who has been with someone as long as we have. He loves me and I love him. Now that I have said all that here is the problem.

 

We hang out in a pretty big group of friend and there is this guy that is a friend of a friend and so on and so forth blah! We don't know each other very well but we have hung out from time to time. He is married and has a child. His wife is never with him and he is always out with his friend. He plays on a sports team and we always get together after there games. On several different occasions we have talked and every time we do I feel like we are attracted to each other. He has on several occasions made the effort to talk to me and he looks at me in the eyes and and smiles at me and is truly interested in what I have to say.

 

There is this vibe between us I feel it and I know that he does too. Over the weekend when we were all out one night he sat there and talked to me for like 45 minutes and nothing else matter it was just the two of us. Then he had to leave and gave me a hug. Then we all left and went back to my boyfriend's house and he (my boyfriend) asked along with some of his friends why was I glowing. I don't know what to do.

 

The more I think about it the more I really think I like this guy I mean really like him. We have so much more common than me and my boyfriend. HE IS MARRIED @!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I thinking? I have been on the receiving end of a cheating relationship and it was the worst feeling of betrayal I can't do that to some one else. The feelings I am having are so strong I could even make love to my boyfriend last night I felt so guilty. My boyfriend is so great he is not a jealous person and doesn't think that I would ever stray and thinks nothing of it when I am talking to another guy for 45 minutes.

 

I feel like a complete jerk! Why do I feel like this I love my boyfriend. There is so many people that would get hurt by this him, his family, my family , the other guys wife. I can't help the way I feel I think that me and this other guy are truly coneccted. I feel it when I am with him. Someone please help me. I don't even know how this guy feels I don't know if I want to know. Could I be just building this whole thing up in my head? HELP!!!!!!!

[boonpop]

Being cheated on is not the worse pain in the world. I think the worse pain in the world is for a man to have to tell his woman he cheated on her. I just recently had to go through this same situation. I was in your boyfriends shoes where I didn't care to much about relationships and had never been in love and so on and so forth. I met a girl one day that I couldn't have avoided if I tried, and long story short, I cheated. I came back to my girlfriend and told her everything that went on, and even the unexpected points there after. Now I feel I have really messed up the lives of three people because I'm involved in a love triangle, where I am in love with two women. I've stated that this is a battle between the heart and the mind. The heart is telling me that I really feel this connection with this other woman, and my mind is telling me that I must be a fool to throw away two years for for two months. Over all, it's the worst feeling in this world, and I pray to God that NO ONE ELSE EVER HAS TO GO TROUGH THIS......EVER. You need to know that if you cross that line, there will be hell to pay. Trust me on that note. You and he aren't the only two involved, and your mistake may follow you for the rest of your life. It hurts....BAD. Hope that helped.

[boonpop]

one more thing, I'm sure the feelings are real on his end too, but that doesn't matter. The commandment isn't thou shall not commit adultery unless the husband of such adulterer feels the same way about you. It's plain and simple, don't talk yourself into doing something STUPID just because you can't directly see the aftermath of such a blatant mistake.

Please, I beg you, don't make the same mistake I did.

[helplessandsad]

Thanks for the advise. What should I do about my current boyfriend. I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for this guy.

[AMBER0930]

Hi, I'm new....

Try to distant yourself with this person. Try not to run into him. You know it is wrong. The longer you go without seeing him or running into him the easier it will be. Do what is right. Hope this helps!

[tea]

I would even suggest going to your boyfriend for help, so he can help diverting your attention from the other person.

 

That's only if your boyfriend isn't the type to get overlyl jealoused that he just blow up though.

[Day_Walker]

You will always have a connection with certain people, it just depends how far you are willing to take it. If you happen to be in a relationship at the time then the appropriate thing to do would be to act mature about the situation and dont put yourself in situations so that you might cheat. However most poeple arent willing to do that. If you feel that you like this guy and it is causing you to have second thoughts about your relationship with your bf then i would argue that, there are some underlying problems in your relationship that you arent currently addressing or that you choose not to see these problems all together. Whenever people think about cheating its because they are unhappy about something, cheating doesnt just happen there is always a reason for it. What you need to do is think about your relationship with your bf and see if it is something that you really want to continue or do you need time apart.

[JonnyG]

I agree with AMBER. I think u should try to keep away from him.

 

Every1 who is together still sees others and are attracted to them, but the key is to be happy with who u are already with. U are happy with your bf, so dont spoil it all just because u see some1 else u like. Like u said, u could hurt so many people here.

[peanut15]

Your entire life changes when someone you love and care about cheats on you. You feel like your whole life comes crashing down and nothing is in no way normal anymore..or whatever your definition of normal is. You basically lose a lot of self esteem or any type of positive feeling you have about yourself. You wonder that there is something wrong with you and if ever you get a compliment, you think that person is crazy or something. Yet the moment you get a compliment, you accept it and you love the attention you are receiving. At the same time as well, as the person who was betrayed, you are held to a higher level not to do anything like your significant other has done to you but then you find yourself caught in the same mess. Why, you lost any self confidence and here is someone you get along with who seems to build it back into you.

 

I suggest that you keep away from him as it will not be a good situation. I really feel for you and your situation and hope that you are able to resolve any problems that you have with your boyfriend.