How to overcome jealousy?

[julian19]

I just realized that one of the reason why my ex and i broke up a year ago is my jealousy. It's the feeling I get when my ex is going to hang out with opposite sex friends and i cant help it but feel so jealous. Now i am working out on this and i want to hear some advice how to overcome jealousy.

 

The thing is, i trust my ex, but what i dont trust are those people around her. I always think that what if they have an interest to my ex? its bothering. But somehow Im wiser now and was able to acknowledge this unnessecary feelings.

 

PS: Me and my ex is on our way to reconcilliation. i will post the details soon on the other forum "Getting Back Together"

 

Any advice are well appreciated.

[MasterPo]

I just realized that one of the reason why my ex and i broke up a year ago is my jealousy. It's the feeling I get when my ex is going to hang out with opposite sex friends and i cant help it but feel so jealous. Now i am working out on this and i want to hear some advice how to overcome jealousy.

 

The thing is, i trust my ex, but what i dont trust are those people around her. I always think that what if they have an interest to my ex? its bothering. But somehow Im wiser now and was able to acknowledge this unnessecary feelings.

 

PS: Me and my ex is on our way to reconcilliation. i will post the details soon on the other forum "Getting Back Together"

 

Any advice are well appreciated.

 

It is a real thing, some can handle it and others get booked. I've taken the time to walk the corridors of my dusty library and to bring you the following article. Read it and give me a 300 word summary. No hurry.

 

Read it and I hope it helps. Keep us informed. Counseling is available if you look for it and the more you invest in yourself, the better you can be.

Yes, I'm kidding. 200 words if fine.

 

In a jealousy crisis, you first need to determine what is at the heart of your jealousy. Is it fear of loss? Is it a feeling of humiliation? Is it feeling excluded? Is it something else? What is the most painful thought associated with your jealousy: Does it hurt you to know that your wife had a wonderful time with someone else, and you were excluded? Do you feel humiliated because your husband has flirted all night with a stunning woman, and everyone at the party saw it? Or do you feel terrible pain of loss because you know you have lost your mate's love and the relationship? While feeling excluded is no doubt painful, it is not as painful as losing a love relationship. People who don't bother to clarify what hurts them most can respond to a trivial incident as if they have lost the relationship.

 

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[jaciej]

You cannot control what other people's feelings or their intentions, the onus is on your girlfriend with regards to your trust issues, and" if" she is trustworthy has you say then the jealousy issues are soley yours to address. (I assume from your name you are a guy, so I will address you as such)

 

I believe we all feel a tinge of jealousy when we feel threatened, but your girl isn't your "property" and cannot be "controlled", and also when you accept that she is a free agent who "chooses" to be with you, not because she has to but because she "wants" to... then it should help you feel more at ease with the relationship.

 

So far you are getting yourself worked up over "nothing", and once you realise that it is your mind/brain/emotions playing tricks on you it should be easier to keep it in check.

[chamachama]

If someone want's to do something with someone.....LET THEM. Why on earth would you stand in the way of what your partner wants? What I mean is, I do not ever want to be the reason why my girlfriend doesn't hang out with someone else or even hook up or more! I never want her to be like "Ohhhh I really want to F you but well my bf chamachama will be upset".....screw that! Do what you WANT to do and I will make a decision on how I feel when I find out. Just be honest with me. That is all that I ask. But I will never be jealous of her hanging out with other guys because I'm not only confident in what I bring to the table, but if someone wants to do something, they should do what they want.

 

Jealousy is not attractive at all...always remember that. Even when they say a little bit of it is....its NOT. They think that but it never works out that way. Some other smooth cat can swing in at that point and show real confidence and you will be painted with the color that screams "I'm not a confident person and there is a real reason....I suck".

 

Let people do what they want to do. But be your best and be confident that what's meant to be is meant to be. You can only control your own mind. Not your partners mind.