My girlfreind

[Ninja88]

She is depressed at times, I do not know whats wrong with her. Every time I call her beutiful, or cute she says "No I'm not..." and when I tell her that she can sing good, she says "No I can't..." It hurts me to see her in such conditions....another thing is, we are not at the same school yet so we cannot see each other on a regular basis, only like once a week sometimes not even that. I know I can get through all this but how and how can I help her?

[Scout]

You can help her by giving her some plain talk. The next time she contradicts a compliment you give her, be very silent for a few moments. Then say "You know, when I tell you something I like about you, and you tell me it's not true, this is how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like you are devaluing my opinions, or that I'm lying. I really don't appreciate either. I hope you have a better day, obviously you're not in a good mood right now for my company."

 

And get off the phone, or leave!

 

I guarantee this will give her pause for thought, and start to value what you tell her more than if you just constantly reassure her. To be honest, depression is not an excuse for constantly discounting the nice things someone is telling us. And it's a good idea for her to learn this soon. That will actually help her, although it doesn't sound very warm and fuzzy, I know.

[Ninja88]

thanks I will try that!

[Scout]

I think it will wake her up. She may get huffy, but stand firm. This is a two-way relationship, you know...and your feelings and opinions have just as much value as her own.

 

Plus, by doing this you could be helping her curb a tendency some people start to get when they are younger...a need for constant assurance from other people.

[Ninja88]

indeed.....