Asking a friend out

[billington]

Here's the rundown of the situation, and I'm going to guess it'll be pretty long, so please bear with me.

 

I'm in my second year at college. I met the girl I have a crush on my first year. We lived in the same house. (House is the term here for half of a floor of a dorm hall) I liked her from the moment I saw her. She had a boyfriend, so that's pretty much the story of my first year. I am friends with her, but I don't really see her that much, but I talk to her when I do get to see her.

 

Nobody knows how I feel about her except me. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about her, and I think about her all the time. Nobody has ever had this kind of an effect on me. She makes references about how she wants a boyfriend, but not ever directly to me, only when there's another friend around. I don't know what that means, but I do know it hurts when she talks about it. I hope the reason she doesn't talk about it to me is because she likes me.

 

Now jump to this year. We don't even live in the same hall. She is no longer with her then boyfriend. She works at the desk in the lobby, so I see her a couple time's a week if I'm lucky. I find myself saving things to mail at strange times because of the hours she works. I'm to the point where I'll just put an envelope in the mail addressed to myself just so I have an excuse to go down there and run into her. I've talked to her for a lot longer periods of time this year. I ordered a pizza one night, and when it got there I asked her if she wanted any. She seemed really happy, but that's probably just because she was hungry. But we talked for a long time and we ate the whole thing right there at the front desk. I really want to ask her out, but I'm afraid of the consequences if she doesn't want any part of it.

 

I'm friends with one of her best friends as well. So I thought I would ask her for advice on what I should do. For all I know, maybe my crush likes me too, right? Well I doubt it, but I guess it's possible. I figure she would have the insight as to whether or not it would be a good idea, or if I should just forget about it.

 

 

Now here's the potentially horrible twist. I've picked up on signs that maybe my crush's friend likes me. So now I'm truly have no idea what to do. I've been trying to rundown the different situations as to what the outcomes could be, here's what I've come up with.

 

I'm afraid of what happens if she says no. Would I ever be able to talk to her again? Would she always feel uncomfortable around me?

 

I'm going to keep referring to my crush's friend as her friend, but remember "her friend" is also my friend, and I don't want to lose any friends because I had to go and open up to people and screw everything up.

 

 

Best case

I find out my crush feels the same way about me as I do her. Her friend doesn't have any feelings for me like that. I become the luckiest person on the face of the planet. However, with my luck I don't see this one happening

 

Next best case

I tell her friend how I feel, find out that my crush has never mentioned me like that or maybe even at all, but she tells me to go for it.

 

#3

I tell her friend what the deal is, and she tells me it's a bad idea and I shouldn't ask her out. I'm crushed, but at least I can still talk to her.

 

 

Bad case

Her friend tells me to go ahead and ask her out, but she does like me and keeps her feelings to herself. My crush says yes to me, but her friend hates me now.

 

Another bad case

When I tell her friend my true feelings about my crush, her friend tells me she likes me. I really have no solution to this case, so I really hope it doesn't come up. I don't have any clue what I would do if this happened.

 

Worst case

I tell her friend, but her friend does like me. She is mad at me because I like her friend and not her. Then she's mad at my crush because of the same reason. My crush and her friend both hate me and I lose two friends.

 

 

There's probably more cases that could turn up, but that's all I'm going to write for now.

 

What should I do? This is tearing me up inside...

[xmrth]

Go for it before someone else does ;p

 

If you talk to her friend, it could help you with whatever decision you make as to wether or not you make your move and when.

See how it goes... good luck and all

[billington]

I forgot to add. I think that at the very least she doesn't dislike me. Everytime we talk I can make her laugh. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she'd laugh if she was just wanting me to leave.

[joe83]

Do you have other friends?

 

If so, go for it. Not sure if you have asked a girl out or not before (I hadn't until my Junior year of college yeah I am a loser...)

 

What helped me the first time was holding my breath. I am serious. Okay it is a little funny but it forces you to ask quickly and not do a lot of mumbling, himming and hawing etc. Just I was wondering are you interested in this weekend,

 

If she says yes, see if she tries to bring someone along. If she does forget it, you are sunk. If she does not try that, it doesn't mean you are in. You will have to feel her out and try to catch signs from her.

 

Or take it slow... If she ever makes a comment about gaining weight, feeling bloated/ugly or anything like that just comment how attractive you think she is.

 

--Joey

[billington]

Do you have other friends?

 

If so, go for it.

 

Not sure quite what you're asking. In general, yes I have other friends. But if you mean do I have any other friends that are also friends of her's, then no.

 

What if she's only being nice to me because her friend likes me??? If that's what's happening, I'm completely screwed, because then I can't say anything to either of them.

 

This wouldn't be my first time asking somebody out, I'm just concerned because of what happened last time. I always liked the same girl all throughout high school. She had a boyfriend the entire time up until senior year. I never really talked to her that much until senior year either, that was when things started to work out. So senior year I talked to her everyday. I eventually convinced myself that she would say yes and the worst that could happen is she could say no. That's both right and wrong. When I got blown off it hurt more than I ever imagined, but that wasn't really the worst because our friendship has never been the same since. That's why I don't want to screw this one up like the last one.

[billington]

Ok, so a few days ago I told her friend. Basically I told her I wanted to ask her out and I wanted to know if she thought it would be something she'd be open to. Basically the response I got was "Like on a date?" (ouch) then a little pause followed by "I don't know." Seems like a pretty clear no to me. What do you think?

[xmrth]

Yeah, that was definitely a no. She sounds like she really likes your company, though. Maybe cointinuing to be just friends is what will work out for you two.

[billington]

Just to clarify, I asked our common friend about it. The one I thought might like me, but I've completely ruled that out. So after I asked her about it, I talked to her for probably another half hour. So she was okay with it I guess, but obviously surprised that I like her friend as I do.