Contemplating

[Pippin]

I have been pretty screwed up to start with. I do a lot of self injury. I have tried to stop but I can't. Right now I just don't think I can take living anymore. I know you are all thinking yea you can just suck it up because we all do but I can't help feeling this way.

 

My parents and I are at each others throats at every waking moment.

 

Even though I say it doesn't bother me I am still uncomfortable with my sexuality(which my parents don't know and they are the biggest homophobs in the world, my dad at least).

 

I have a musical coming up that I am a techie in and deadline is in one week and we have SOO much to do still.

I have TWO HUGE papers to write and perfect.

I have regular school work to do and catch up on.

I also have extra curricular activities that I have to be at.

And I have to work.

And take my brother any where and every where he needs or wants to go.

 

 

 

I'm sorry I ramble a lot.

I just don't think I can do this.

I have been thinking about suicide.

I have been thinking of how to do it.

Planning it out.

What should I do? I can't take this.

[blackss]

self injury? thats sick, you need to take control of yourself and stop letting your sadness/anger do stuff to you, i'm not trying to be mean about this, i'm trying to tell you how it really is.. don't commit suicide, you're 16 years old, you have a whole life ahead of you, really. REALLY. don't end it now, it will get better. I Promise.

 

i'm serious, please do not resort to suicide, its a permanent solution to a temporary problem..things can and will get better

[xmrth]

Tight and tough times like this happen. Just ease up, and focus as best you can.

Now, the sexuality part is going to be something else if you parents are really that bad with it. You'll always be their kid, you and them both know that. It could just be something they'll have to get over.

Take it all one step at a time and relax.

[blackss]

they are your parents, they do love you, they might not show it enough, but they do, that would mean they would still love you if you told them about your sexuality

[mtastic]

Hi Pippin,

 

I'm sorry things seem to really suck right now, I know how that is, I'm a senior inb college and i'm pretty constantly swamped with work as well. Don't worry, that will all clear up with time, you're just in a busy pathch right now. You said you're working on a play? I ran the lighs in highschool, and if this is you're first time working on a play don't worry, after its over you'll fell alot of satisfaction that you were part of what made it work.

 

I'm sorry, i don't really know how to help you with the self-injury, or dealing with your parent's reaction to your sexuality. Perhaps you could try seeing a school councilor about these issues, they have probobly dealt with similar issues before, so they would be able to advise you better. The best advice I can give is to keep posting here, chances are someone either had or is having similar experiences, and they will be able to help you, if at least only with one aspect of you problem. We're all here to listen and help each other.

 

Best of luck to you, and good luck with the play as well.

mtastic

[EmptySoul]

Hello. I'm not really sure what to tell you, except that maybe I know a little bit of what you're feeling. I'm a self-injurer and I'm a bisexual. What you really need to think about is, what are you looking for? what do you want? If you don't like who you are, or the way your life is, you have to change it. I'm sorry I don't really know what to say to help you, bc I'm not doing anybetter than you.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Empty

[thisisnotanexit]

when you realize how much of a permanent solution to a temporary problem suicide is, i hope you will understand that it's not what you really want. you can get through this and you can get back on your feet and things can work out for you, too. i'm not the only one who can beat this suicide thing. just do things to occupy your time for now and before you know it you'll be back on your feet. join a gym or go for walks or something. exercise is good for making your brain feel better. find a hobby. play an instrument. watch some good movies or listen to some good music. write. TALK TO SOMEONE. something, you can do it. if you end your life, you'll never know what could have worked out for you. believe me, w'ere only given this one life and we're going to die anyway, so you might as well try your best to take advantage of your time here. i know things are hard and life does in fact get tough, but you can bounce back. just try not to get lost in your current situation and sadness. don't let your emotions get the best of you. don't drown in this pool of sadness, but lift yourself out of it and take control of those aspects in your life you're unhappy about. it'll be a gradual thing, but you can do it. hey if you ever wanna talk, please email me, i'd love that. take care and hang in there, you can do it. this is your life, not your parents. you can get through this. deal with them for now, but one day youre going to be living your own life, not under your parents direction. you have so much opportunity waiting for you. be proud of who you are. your parents will love you no matter what, but if they cant seem to accept it, i know it will be hard, but this is your life. life is what you make of it. you can do this. just remember youre not alone and were here for you and so are many people in your life. take care and msg me if you want! see ya

[Sekhmet]

Dear Pippin,

 

I am so sorry that you feel such pain and heartache. I am 35, married with children. I had a horrible childhood and often thought of suicide. My parents were abusive, my father an alcoholic, my mother was a religious fanatic and she used to beat me and my sisters until we were bloody. She held a butcher knife to our throats and accused us of being possessed by demons. She would pray over us for hours and hours until she felt she had exorcised our demons. I thought I was in hell! But somehow I survived it all and so did my sisters. Please don't give up on yourself. You sound like you have so much to live for, so smart and you have alot to offer the world. I read a book called Life Between Lives recently. The author I can't recall his name, but he is a renowned past life regressionist who included several of his case studies in the book, one of them he mentioned was having trouble with their sexuality and had thoughts of suicide. Anyway, through a past life regression, the subject found out that he had chosen this life as a homosexual. Apparently souls that chose difficult lives are very advanced and have lived through many types of difficult situations. But those who chose suicide will have to repeat the same circumstances until the lesson is learned. I know I never want to repeat the circumstances of my childhood. So don't let this experience be wasted. Please don't give up hope, you are a beautiful being of light that was born of the Creator, the Source or God or whatever name you choose. And you have incredible things to do while you are here in this body in this world. You are in my prayers............hold on!

[unexpectedvictim57]

self injury? thats sick

 

what the effin hell?? its so not sick in any way, i know what your going through, i do it too, you can't stop and if you've never tried it, you will never understand but it helps so effin much!!!!!

[Pippin]

I haven't been online for a while. Thank you everyone for replying. I will try and address all of your replies in order.

 

blackss

this isn't just something I can quit. It's more hard to quit than drugs in my opinion. or alcohol for that matter. You can self injure with anything and sometimes you do it and don't even realize it. It's not sick ok.

 

xmrth

I know they are both my parents but I just think they will seriously disown me if I tell them and I'm really scared.

 

blackss

same as xmrth

 

mtastic

not the first show, so I know it all comes out in the end but still, it's always hell until then. I already do have a therapist and she doesn't help that much. lol.

 

Empty Soul

I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm trying to change, but I can't.

 

thisisnotanexit

Ummm I appreciate the advice on keeping busy but if you haven't noticed that's not a problem. lol. I know my life should be my business but as my parents say it's technically their life until I'm 21.

 

Sekhmet

I'm really sorry about your childhood Thank you for putting me in your prayers.

 

unexpectedvictim57

Thanks for defending me.

[Pippin]

I'm gonna keep trying to hold on. I'm gonna go now.

[thisisnotanexit]

i admire your strength.

just remember that you dont know how your life is going to take shape, and whatever is going on in your life right now, it wont last forever. this isnt going to be the rest of your life. remember that. you can do anything. just please don't get lost in your sadness. try and take control and remember you're not alone. we all care a lot about you and i know many many more do. please just hang in there, please! take care!

 

and remember, please visit link removed or call 1-800-SUICIDE if you ever need to

 

see ya

[lonly112000]

hello,well before you decide think about this i had testicular cancer and had a 30% chance of living i decided not to go through chemo after one treatment because it was the most awful feeling ever i tried suicide 18 times in three months because i wanted to end my life my way i had cancer in my lungs and almost all of my body after those three months i went to my doctor they took another chest x-ray and im am cancer free its gone not there not a trace left.I had a 30% chance of living and did with suicide you have a 0% chance.You may not kill yourself the first time or the next or the next but it will catch up with you and will take you with it.Maybe you should check out my post "Suicide living...Cancer killing" to see the rest of my story.

[blackss]

don't give up, its like quitting life, are you a quitter? that is seriously lame

i hate how ppl kill themselves over situations so small

things get be resolved, yes, life does get hard, but you have to stick in there

[thisisnotanexit]

don't give up, its like quitting life, are you a quitter? that is seriously lame

i hate how ppl kill themselves over situations so small

things get be resolved, yes, life does get hard, but you have to stick in there

 

life gets hard sometimes, so you're not lame for thinking about it. just plesae know that it's not the right road to take. there are better ways to cope and you can get throught his. you have the rest of your life to live..this is just a little piece of it. take care and message me anytime! we all care about you!

[marijo2480]

Hello! I know you've heard this over and over again but it's true my dear! You have a whole life ahead of you. Trust me, it gets better as you get older. Being a teenager is difficult. It's the first time that you get exposed to a lot of things. It's tough. You have to deal with peer pressure, pressure from your parents, pressure with grades, you seem to even have financial pressures since you're working as well and I'm sure having to deal with family problems on top of all of that doesn't help either. I have to congratulate you though for taking the step of posting here. You have courage and you have more courage but you don't give yourself enough credit. The Christmas break is coming up and you should get at least two weeks off from school. Just hang in there and try to do fun things on your time off. This play will be over soon too. Just stay focus, try to organize the things that you have to do, prioritize, and also give yourself time to listen to music or to take on a hobby or something that you find interesting. Plus, you've got two more years I take it to finish high school. Don't you want to look forward to moving out of the house, going to college, turning 21 and going out with your friends, traveling, seeing the world. Lots of things can happen. Just believe in yourself. Take care my dear! Let us know how you're doing!!

 

Love,

 

Marie

[_Ramirez_]

Hey Pippin, I'm not sure if you still read this but just in case...

I'm an ex-cutter myself, I have 3 suicide attempt to my record (all failed as you can see) and I have so many scars on my body that I almost never go shirtless... I remember cutting was making me feel better... I'm not sure I would have survived without it.

 

I know what you go through. I've been through it and to sum it up, well it was worth it until now. Living and fighting was worth it.

 

You have only 2 ways of thinking.

The first one is not being able to endure all of this and try to kill yourself. If you miss your shot know that everyone around you will totally flip up and you're in for some serious talk. It might look easy to kill yourself but believe its not. Maybe some good will come out of it, maybe not. If you don't miss your shot, well... You'll never know what you'll miss in this life, the things everyone have and think its worth living for.

The second one is to live. Just hold on to life, just try to stay afloat, try to find somoene to talk to about the way you feel and become tougher. You have no choice, you must become tougher to survive this stupid world.

 

Try to believe this: the day you'll be alone deciding your own future will be the day where most of your suffering will be gone. You're 16, its not that far... Get out of your house as soon as you can, I did at 17, couldn't endure anything or anyone in my family anymore, I went to a college 5 hours away from where my parents live and got some student loans to survive.