What would you do if you were in my situation?

[Anonymous22]

Let me start by saying thank you for your time in choosing to read my thread.

So, there is this girl who I have meet in my first year in college, we never interacted in person then. She found me in facebook and that is how we ended up meeting each other and grew close to each other (Yea I know Society today is ruined because of facebook in my opinion). So we grew close and hanged out we went to the movies once and what not. Then I liked this girl for awhile. I confessed my feelings to her, but she turned me down because her reason being is first it was because "She still liked her ex" then after awhile of confessing to her throughout the whole 2 years (not all together separately, and I know it's wrong doing that) she changed her reason of rejecting me which was "She didn't want a relationship right now." When I was on the verge of my heart giving up on her I confessed one last time, but again she rejected me with the same answer and this time she cut communications.

I was so depressed and torn from this happening because it felt as if she would bring my hopes up and then shut me down. I don't blame her I'm pretty sure she is just looking for a guy that will boost her ego and feel comfortable around and maybe date him. That's my opinion, but after that I have given up and decided to move on. So I erased everything that had to do with her like facebook, texting, instant messaging etc. I was focused in summer school because it was fast pace and didn't want to get involved in having crushes anymore. After 2 months of disappearance I got everything back because I clearly had killed my feelings for her. So I re-activated facebook, got my phone line reconnected, and started signing in instant messaging. Many of my friends were surprised that I had disappeared. Some messaged me saying where I have been, and the funny thing she was one of the persons who was curious. So we talked for a good 5 messages or so. After that we just stopped talking for like a week or so because fall semester was starting and everyone was getting prepared for it and what not.

After the week has passed by we happen to get in touch again, we started talking and went into depth in the conversation. she told me her schedule and what not, and we found out that our schedule are almost similar and taking the same level of course. Some times I would catch a bus to school and she stated she saw me. I told her I was surprised because I didn't see her. (This is where it starts getting confusing to me) She kind of flirted saying she was checking me out and that I look good and what not. So basically after communicating with her again she just basically started flirting, we started seeing each other more often (Back then we hardly even saw each other only once from the whole 2 years), started hanging out and what not. sometimes she would make things obvious like for example. One of her favorite movies was released in theaters and she said, "I'm going to go see that movie EVEN if I have to go alone" To me that seems like she is inviting me to give her company. Anyways the latest thing between us is that she came over my house for the second time from the whole time I have known her for. My mom loves talking to her and she loves talking to my mom, and so I invited her to my mom's food we talked, and we kind of broke the "Touch barrier" now it seems like she gives me hugs hugs not those type of hugs where you one hand, she lets me touch her face (cheeks), she let me carry her, and she piggy back ride me. Basically saying she is in a comfort zone with me.

 

I also questioned one of my friends asking him this maybe you guys can help me out:

Do us guys need to contact the girls first? or is it vise-versa like we both can start the conversation?

my friend answered: "Well it's vise versa, but if she doesn't message you then 'oh-well'"

Also, I offered to give her a ride home from school since our schedule is kind of the same, but since we aren't communicating and when the day comes of school it will be weird just giving her a ride when we don't speak? What should I do in this situation?

 

Overall, All i'm trying to say is how do you guys see this relationship or friendship? (and help me out with these questions above)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!

[Mistykitty]

I'd say friendship right now.

To me, it sounds like you drove her away the first time by being too obsessive, but now she's willing to give it another chance.

There's nothing wrong with contacting her, just don't be clingy. I'd say "play it cool" (lol =P), like you don't care one way or the other, but that can really upset her if she DOES like you, so use with caution

[Abigaelle]

I agree with misty kitty. Play it col and take one step at a time and see where things are going.

Don't be too clingy and when she shows real interest you can say you're moving up to the next level. Give hi a chance I'd you're into her

[Anonymous22]

I'd say friendship right now.

To me, it sounds like you drove her away the first time by being too obsessive, but now she's willing to give it another chance.

There's nothing wrong with contacting her, just don't be clingy. I'd say "play it cool" (lol =P), like you don't care one way or the other, but that can really upset her if she DOES like you, so use with caution

 

Thank you for your response and yea I'm kind of putting friendship first like when I'm around her I act friendly I hear her out talk to her. There are some points where it becomes a point where it becomes silent, but that's because I still can't manage to drive and talk at the same time (LOL). Yea I kind of figured I drove her away awhile back maybe because she didn't want me to confess to her anymore because she didn't want to hurt me? who knows what she is thinking lol. That's the thing I'm aiming for playing it cool that's why I was asking should she also message me or do I have to start the conversation because she's the type of girl who doesn't like starting conversation like she has too much pride to do so (Not in a bad way) or either she's really busy. Yea I figured lol well I might message her 2marrow It's been 2 days since we last talked. I'll just tell her I had a really busy weekend.

 

I agree with misty kitty. Play it col and take one step at a time and see where things are going.

Don't be too clingy and when she shows real interest you can say you're moving up to the next level. Give hi a chance I'd you're into her

 

Thank you! and I will do!

[Ms Darcy]

I think you are right in saying she's interested in you for the company and the ego boost. I think she'd reject you again if you told her your feelings.

[Anonymous22]

I think you are right in saying she's interested in you for the company and the ego boost. I think she'd reject you again if you told her your feelings.

 

yea that's what I think so too... isn't that a good thing though? maybe she will like that I boost up her ego like no one else, and maybe end up falling for me?

[Ms Darcy]

There are girls you are absolutely not attracted to right? Is there anything the very least attractive one could do to suddenly make you fall for her?

[Anonymous22]

There are girls you are absolutely not attracted to right? Is there anything the very least attractive one could do to suddenly make you fall for her?

 

The girls I'm not attracted too are mostly my friends... but if girls that i'm least attractive too can make me fall for them if they meet my standards

Wait how did it turn out to this? lol

[hippypaisley]

Ok, I am saying this, because I feel like I was in this girl's shoes when I first went to college. I made friends with this really nice guy. But, I had just left behind my high school sweetheart. I was interested in this guy...but as soon as he hit on me, I backed off. I would definitely be his friend, and I would definitely flirt with him. When he wanted to be with me though, I thought he was crazy. I did to him exactly what she did to you.

 

Later in the semester, I had gotten over my ex, but realized, "oh my, there is so much on my plate right now, a relationship is not where it's at. I'm young I am trying to find out who I am and just focus on my grades and having fun." This really nice guy was friends with all of my closest friends, so I always bumped into him. It was great that I knew he liked me, and I did in fact have feelings for him. But, the fact that he didn't give me the space to just be myself, made me really irritated because he did the same thing to me where he waited it out and then tried roping me in again. Again, I just started excusing myself from anything to do with him.

 

I always loved talking to him, when he was JUST my friend. And I always loved flirting with him, since he was sweet and cute. But, the fact that he seemed to only be my friend as a "ploy" to win me over romantically really made me feel like I was being pushed by him.

 

And the only other thing I have to say, and I am sorry, is the last statement where you said, "boost her ego like no one else," I don't like seeing that. I mean, no offense, but you don't seem to totally see this girl for all she is worth if you think no one else will boost her ego.

 

I think it would honestly be healthy of you to try and be her friend for no other reason. You seem to have put her on a pedestal. While, for her it's flattering, if she is anything like I think she is, she'd much prefer a down to earth friendship, and the freedom to know that if she is never "ready," that she shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to be YOUR FRIEND and nothing more.

[JA0371]

Hey ...first of all,you sound super sweet. So keep being the kind of guy you are.

 

Second of all..my advice..be nice but not over the top. If she asks for advice or something,be there, but not TOO there.

Try to develop some more nice skills. Nice guys are awesome, but it IS important to have a backbone and some boundaries. Women love when a man can and does put her in her place when needed. Figure out those boundaries.

 

 

 

As long as she is contacting you...all is good. Give her the opportunity, and she will. Also..date other women. Do NOT make this woman the be All end all. She's not. Women love competition, even if they say they don't. So until she says YES, keep moving!

[Ms Darcy]

The girls I'm not attracted too are mostly my friends... but if girls that i'm least attractive too can make me fall for them if they meet my standards

Wait how did it turn out to this? lol

 

She may have standards that you do not meet. There is nothing you can do, you know?

 

I think you have been rejected enough by her to know she's not interested in a proper relationship with you.

[Anonymous22]

well you kind of got the first part down but the second part just went a different other way, I didn't become close to any of her friends only friends I talk to that's mutual was the people we had in that class which was like 2 other guys, but she didn't really communicate with them after that class other than that.. nope No friendship with her friends or family. I can't really say what's on her mind... who knows maybe you guys are in the same page, but I can't say that for sure... Believe me I gave her a lot of space. Back then we would talk constantly every day back to back texting and messaging each other. You could say the conversations never ended.

Hmmm the third part kind of made sense, the fourth part... I mean I'm just saying because she doesn't really hang out with other guys, not that I know of she usually hangs out with her neighbor and her sister. I don't really see other guys talking to her if they do she doesn't really speak to them much?... from my perspective like I said who knows maybe she does talk to em I just can't really say. HAHA like I said I was only saying it as a question I wasn't really doubting other people boosting her ego. Like I said I don't know...

The fifth part, That's what I plan to do... my feelings are dead for her... I'm just really confused of the fact that after 2 years of trying and 2 months of not talking to her she still at it? Why? for what reason? what is she trying to prove or show me?... She KNOWS I liked her back then she has that seed in her brain. I mean I'm just a guy that wants questions to be answered I would ask her but it will just ruin everything. I'm not mad at her for rejecting me and breaking my heart if she's ready then so be it.. My heart is open for any takers especially the girls whom I came accross and they caught my heart's attention.

 

 

 

That's what I plan to do and thank you...

 

yea I understand about all that lol... have a backbone and some boundaries? what do you mean?

 

well, that's one of my questions from earlier... she's the type of girl that doesn't contact she has too much pride or is either busy... I mean should I message her to make things unawkward when we see each other at school? And Of course I'm not making her my first priority in love I learned not to do that.. lol

 

Like I said I'm just CONFUSED about all this

[Ms Darcy]

Sweetie it is not confusing. She likes you as a friend and likes knowing you like her for the ego boost. She does not want you as a boyfriend.