Artiste19 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I've been thinking a lot lately about how people know they are attracted to one another, without actually coming out and saying it. I know about body language and everything like that, eye contact and such, but when both people are really shy and neither really comes out and takes the initiative, it's really hard to tell. I myself am usually shy when it comes to meeting new people. It takes me awhile to get used to someone new and be myself, and its definitely hard to start a conversation with a guy I don't know. Once it's somehow initiated, I'm okay, but until then I always wonder and try to guess -- like most of the people who post on this forum -- what the guy is thinking. Getting to the point of this post, I usually feel like I pick up a vibe from that person, even though sometimes I never actually end up talking to him. I feel the interest is there, and then go on to second guess myself constantly, thinking 'if he doesn't come out and say something, he can't be that interested.' Since I seem to attract the shy ones, this shouldn't be so surprising. I guess what I really want to know is how reliable these 'vibes' are. Am I just making it up in my head, and it's just one sided, or does it mean the other person is feeling the same thing?? I've heard about the chemical side of attraction, and phermones and everything -- is this basically what that is? Is it female intuition? Has anyone felt these 'vibes' only to find out the person has no interest in them whatsoever? I realize no one can answer these questions definitely, but I would like to hear anyone's opinions, stories, whatever. I have someone right now that I'm second-guessing myself about -- I need to work on being more outgoing, but I would like to be more confident in trusting what I only suspect. Sorry this is kinda long -- I hope the 'vibe' thing has managed to make sense. It sounds better in my head . . .lol. So yeah, any stories/opinions would be great. Thanx! Link to comment
serenity under fire Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 honesty i dont know how reliable vibes are i seam to have the same problem whith them. From what ive lerand is that if I rilly like some one and thay like me I tend to feal a little more flertty and atractive. And we ushualy end up hiting it of. I gess you can never be certin I would just try flerting a little.If he picks up on it hill flert back. some thing that works well it a little phsical contact. Brush his sholder or give him a little nudeg when he says something that makes you laphe. works for me hope this healps Link to comment
Sexychiick16 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 V i B e S Hmm interesting. There was this guy who sat behind me all sophomore year. He use to shake my desk and just was so hot. He stopped by my house with his friend who was more than just friends with me. Well he always did this eye contact thing which really made him Sexy. I told him maybe sometime we can go party or something and he always just was so agreeing with me and just real cool.Easy to talk to, great listener the whole 9 yards. Sometimes it seemed like he was totally into me and sometimes it seemed like he couldn't hear me or just was avoiding me. But either way thats a weird vibe huh? lol Link to comment
warnerbro1 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Artiste, hey, I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm noticing it a lot more now that I'm in college. I never cared about having a girlfriend in high school, mainly because I have always been extremely shy and was pretty damn overweight in high school. Now that I've gotten my weight way under control and feel a lot better in myself, I'm starting to take a "closer" look at women and those I am attracted to. Particularly, there was definitely some kind of inner "detection" or "vibe" that I felt around a girl in my math class last spring. I too always second guess and think that maybe I send of bad vibes and people think I'm arrogant, weird, stuck up, or whatever you want to call it. But the only thing really holding me back is a lack of confidence and never taking the initiative to go up and talk to these girls. It's definitely irrational thinking that goes with years of being extremely shy and just natural introversion. Link to comment
saffron_25 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 They look at you a lot and then look down, when you look into their eyes you see dialated pupils, they fuss with their hair, their torso is turned to you when in a group of people, they fidget, they raise their eyebrows when you talk (it's just a quick flash - blink and you'll miss it), they talk to you in a softer voice, their palms are face up (meaning they are open, vulnerable)..... there's a lot more too. Link to comment
warnerbro1 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 Those are definitely some good body language tips. But I think Artiste19 is maybe talking about almost a whole 'nother realm of attraction. Maybe it does show through our body language, but we barely pick it up and it is very subtle. I don't know. The chemical thing is pretty interesting, because I know I just get a weird feeling and I know it's just a feeling you get, but not noticeable to the eye. Anyone else understand the whole "vibe" thing? Link to comment
Artiste19 Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Thanks for all the responses so far and tips . warnerbro1, that's definitely what I was talking about. The kind of weird feeling that you sense an connection or something with someone even though there may not be a lot of signals. It definitely could be that the signals are there, but are being noticed more generally than a specific body language clue that is easily overlooked. As for an explanation, I'm not really scientific, but I keep noticing it happening. If I were more outgoing, it wouldn't be such an issue. I guess I wouldn't want to finally go up to someone & find out it was all in my head, and the 'vibe' was one-sided. Any more stories/ideas would be great Link to comment
warnerbro1 Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I guess I wouldn't want to finally go up to someone & find out it was all in my head, and the 'vibe' was one-sided. Yeah, exactly, that's what I fear too. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. Link to comment
Cherokee_Boy Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 If there is a vibe, you should tell the guy this. Maybe he's feeling the same thing, but is to shy to say anything. Link to comment
warnerbro1 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Easier said than done as the old cliche goes. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Yes -- I completely understand what you're feeling, OP. I was going to post a message about this actually, except I wasn't sure exactly how to word it. But I think when there's a 'connection' between you & someone, you can definitely feel it. Even if it's not a sexual type of tension between you two. i.e. friendship. How do you become friends with someone? There's usually some initial feeling of understanding between two people. You feel like you can relate to your best friend at a deeper level than most people, because of similar personality traits -- i.e. that same type of quirkiness unique to both of you. When you're compatible with someone, it's a similar thing. You both share an introvertive, or introspective quality perhaps..but the question is -- how do you KNOW that you're similar if you're never spoken to the person? It's hard to tell, but I usually get a feel by being around the person, speaking to them or others (I'm not shy so talking to people isn't really a problem for me. But I'm still introvertive so I understand what you mean..) The best way to know is to ultimately talk to them. I'm usually attracted to intellect most, so if I hear someone say something intelligent in class I'll make sure i'll talk to him afterwards. Usually he'll want to get to know me better as well because of something I say (I'm usually the most talkative person in class so that's not much of a problem..it's outside of class that can be more difficult. i.e. parties are not so much my thing. Talking about academics I can do.) So my best advice: if this guy is in your class, strike up a convo. about school. It's really quite easy, trust me. Sit next to him, ask him what the homework was, if he's started to prepare for the test (and give him a glimpse of your personality at the same time by commenting..i.e. 'I haven't yet, I'm such a procrastinator, damn it.' or 'yeah, I started preparing a few days ago, I'm really hoping for an A..') Don't just leave 'yes/no' answers. That's the #1 dating tip actually I used to be shy in high school, so I can really relate to you. But once I lost weight, became class valedictorian & mainly since I started university my confidence just boosted tons and I'm not shy anymore..that's what it's all about really -- confidence. Work on that, and you're set. How to do it? Focus on what you're good at & excel. That will boost your confidence, and highlight what's unique about yourself that you can respect. But if the guys you like are a bit shy, then what's the prob? They can relate anyways. Hope that helped, lily04 Link to comment
Cherokee_Boy Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 Easier said than done as the old cliche goes. Every woman that I have dated has at some point in the few few dates mentioned that they had a "good feeling" or where picking up a "good vibe". If I pick up a good vibe from them, then I will tell her, and she usually replys with the same type of comment. If you really are interested in the date, then just come out and say it, 9 times out of 10 their usually thinking the same thing. Its all in the communication , and not being affraid to express your feelings. I know it's easier said than done. I'm a very shy guy, but can express my feelings well. It takes practice but anyone no matter how shy can do just the same if they take a deep breath, and just say what they feel. Link to comment
tbbearcat5 Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 but the question is -- how do you KNOW that you're similar if you're never spoken to the person? It's hard to tell, but I usually get a feel by being around the person, speaking to them or others I agree with this...I am kinda feeling this way with someone now, and it's a really strange feeling. Link to comment
sole Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 I TOTALLY understand the vibes. I can pick up on it from the guys. But I'm usually too shy to approach the guy first. I swear my heart skips a beat or speeds up when I get a STRONG feeling. Or I'm taken aback.But I know I'm feeling SOMETHING. There should be a scientist on the board to explain this stuff. At least I know I'm not the only one getting vibes! When you get vibes from guys you don't know that well, do you still pick up on the excessive eye contact and smiles or do you just focus on the vibes? Link to comment
Artiste19 Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 Hey everyone, it's good to hear that a lot of people can relate .. . when first posting, I wasn't really sure I was making much sense. It's kind of hard to put into words. Lily04, that's really good advice & insight -- I wish I could talk as easily to people in this class. I know all I have to do is just start talking, but then I start waiting for the right moment, then I put it off . . . oh, Procrastination. Anyway, thanx for the input! Link to comment
warnerbro1 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 I swear my heart skips a beat or speeds up when I get a STRONG feeling. Or I'm taken aback.But I know I'm feeling SOMETHING. I get the same feeling, and it's not with just any random attractive person in the room. Link to comment
sole Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 I swear my heart skips a beat or speeds up when I get a STRONG feeling. Or I'm taken aback.But I know I'm feeling SOMETHING. I get the same feeling, and it's not with just any random attractive person in the room. ABSOLUTELY! There could be a VERY sexy guy in the room but I won't get that feeling with him. But another guy who may not be as handsome can stop to say Hi or not say anything at all but I will notice him nearby and WHAM there's that feeling. I found that even when I'm not really attracted to that person I can still pick up a vibe. Does anyone else pick up on something even when you not attracted to the person? Link to comment
Sexychiick16 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 You know how they say if you look at your wrist watch or the clock and wait 3 secondes then look real quick at your crush that if hes looking at you it means hes interested in you....Well i did that today and Im SO IN>>>lol... well thats a lil ~vIbE~ i guess right? Link to comment
Lily04 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 yup, awesome! And sole, I also pick up vibes from people I'm not attracted to. That usually just leads to friendship. It means there's a connection there -- you guys have a similar personality or interests, but there's not a deeper, perhaps sexual attraction that would lead to something greater. That's my thoughts on it. =) Link to comment
Sexychiick16 Posted October 27, 2004 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Whoa Sole i know what u mean...Like today we were takin the aims testing thinggy. And this guy ...he wasnt the kind of guy i would usually be attracted to but just one glace made me really want to get to know him...He finished before me so i never got the chance lol this is a really interesting subject! I know what u mean tho i cant really explain the exact feeling in words but it comes and goes with certain guys...It tends to happened with older guys with me.Ill be at the store or somewhere but then again i like GeOrGe cLuney so yeah...umm thats all folks... Link to comment
sole Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Whoa Sole i know what u mean...Like today we were takin the aims testing thinggy. And this guy ...he wasnt the kind of guy i would usually be attracted to but just one glace made me really want to get to know him...He finished before me so i never got the chance lol this is a really interesting subject! I know what u mean tho i cant really explain the exact feeling in words but it comes and goes with certain guys...It tends to happened with older guys with me.Ill be at the store or somewhere but then again i like GeOrGe cLuney so yeah...umm thats all folks... So everybody has experienced the same thing and its so hard to put into words! #-o I'm sure a psychologist can write an entire book on this. Link to comment
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