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tbbearcat5

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  1. No, I'm not in love with her, but this doesn't mean that I can't or don't want to be. As noted in my initial post, I am falling for her slowly, but surely. I have had the worst kind of luck in dating since my ex and I split in October of '03, and I understand that these kind of things take time. I want my next relationship to mean something (since my last one turned out to be too physical too quick) and I want it to mean something to her too if we do decide to ever give it a try. Also, I accidentally omitted something from my first post - she has already had her heart broken this school year, he left her for another girl that she knows, so that could be why she was a little hesitant in the first place. I found this out the other night when I was hanging out with her and her friends. It makes a lot of sense, looking back now. BTW, I am 21 and a junior in college, and she is 18 and a freshman.
  2. hey guys and gals, Currently, there is this girl that I have been friends with for about the past two months, and things are going great. We hang out often, talk online at least once a day, occasionally over the phone, and we get along great, and this is after a bad situation that we had been through in the first semester (thought I was being played). I can go into that more if needed. Here's some background info. I was a bit pissed off, so I sent her a not-so-nice email, to which she explained there was a lot going on in her life and she thought we were going too fast, that she wasn't playing me, and that she sucks at telling people her feelings. She told me that she was truly sorry that I felt that way, even though she wasn't playing me, was interested in what goes on with me, and wanted to show me the "real her". I felt bad because of some of the things I said in that email, but I can't take it back. Over the winter break, we talked very often, I think there were only three or four days over a span of three weeks in which we didn't talk at least once a day either on the phone or on MSN. She told me early on in the break that she felt she was "growing" as a person, and that to me was huge. And then a few days later, around xmas, she tells me I should go with her to a new year's party with her in a town about three hours from mine (four from hers). I accepted, but sadly, her parents had her stay home. We continued to talk up until near the end of the break. Closer to the end of break, I began to get a little nervous b/c I didn't know how she would behave around me b/c we hadn't hung out in awhile. But I was pretty relieved when I went to visit her that first night back, and we got along great, and we have ever since then. She told me that I am always welcome to hang out. As far as my feelings for her, I am not in love with her, but I definitely am interested. A couple of things that I have noticed: Constant little pet names. Honey, sweetie, baby doll, but I'm quite sure they don't have any meaning to them. Second, she has dropped the "L" word in a few instances, once in an email over the break in her signature, and once again just the other day. She said to me in an MSN conversation that "I know u love me" to which I shrugged it off, saying hehe, whatever, to which she said "Hey, why are you laughing about that?" Other things...in a group of friends, when something funny happens, we tend to make eye contact while laughing...when friends are around, she is loud and playful, but when we are alone, she gets quieter and speaks in a lower tone...little things. I'm not sold on the fact that she likes me, but I think there could be small interest on her part...but I like how I am handling it now..just as friends, and see where it goes. That's my tangent...what do ya think? tb
  3. Exactly...that is the reason why I was a little surprised about it. It's a big step. Unfortunately, this date didn't happen due to her parents wanting her to stay home. (We were driving to her roommates' four and a half hours away for the get-together) But I was ok with it because her parents have never met me, and also that she wasn't the one that canceled it, her parents did in effect. FYI...she also dropped the "L" word in an email, but I don't think she meant anything by it. But I do agree, I like how things are progressing, even at a friendship type of level. I'll keep ya posted. tb
  4. betty and mr sad- well, I bring more good news...I got a nice little surprise when she invited me to go with her to her roommate's five hours away for new years just before xmas, and I accepted (she might not be able to go now, which sucks, but it's still sweet that she asked me). she told me a week or so ago that she "feels she has growing as a person" and this is very good to hear, and since then she has given me no reason to think otherwise. I wonder if the email I sent her has something to do with her "change". she has also apparently made up with another mutual friend of ours, too. I do have a question ---- she told me she wanted to start over as friends, and that isn't what i'm wondering about, but honestly, asking me to go with her for the new year holiday was totally unexpected. I'm thinking she could be after something more. heck, before she asked me, she greeted me by saying "hey baby doll". but I'm not going to jump the gun. I've always been under the impression, however, that new year's dates aren't usually reserved for "just friends" kinds of things, but I could be wrong. I guess what I am asking is if I am reading too far into this? mr sad- I just think that there is a period of awkwardness right now between you two considering you told her how you feel....no contact would be a good thing, but maybe you could ask her how her new year's went afterwards, just to touch base with her. and let her know that you still care about what goes on in her life. i just think that when the whole feeling of awkwardness passes, you two will be fine. just gotta give it some time. best regards tb
  5. mr sad- I'm sorry to hear about what happened...I went back and read those posts...keep your chin up. She's out there, man. I've been absent for awhile, but I thought I would fill you in on what's happened. Apparently my lady friend liked three other guys at the same time. At the time that her and I spent the alone time together, she was going through a rough family time, and she appreciated that I was there, but she thought it came on a little too fast, which is understandable. I took it as she was playing me and these other guys, but it turns out I was wrong later on (read down). As I said, she was having a rough time at the time, and was just confused. Now for the good news: After sending her a mean (not jerkish) email to get her to think about what she did, I got a reply not 20 minutes later from her, almost pouring her heart out to me, saying that she "sucks at showing her feelings", she never thought that it was worse to hold everything in, and that she wasn't trying to hurt me, it was just the circumstances of her life I didn't know about. She just said it had happened so fast that she didn't know how to comprehend her feelings, I guess they were that strong. She apologized for her actions, told me that she cared about me and what happens in my life, and told me that "I would like to start over and show you that I am not that kind of person." I told her later that I wanted to get to know her better, and at the same time, she could get to know me. She agreed. So here's a bit of good news that might give you some hope for the future, man. tb
  6. Well guys, I have some good news and some bad news. Bad news first...she has feelings for two guys. Good news....one of them is me. Great. LOL. A lot has happened since I last posted. I went to a dance party thing last night, and she was there. To ease myself a little bit, I snuck up behind her and pushed her in the rear with my foot, which drew a playful smile from her. A little later, when more people showed up, I danced with her, and we talked the whole time. Afterwards, I thanked her for the dance, and she gave me the same smile. Good, right? Well.... She became more and more withdrawn as the night went on...then I asked her for a last dance, and she said no. Turns out I wasn't the only guy she turned down for it...I was the only guy she danced with that night. I asked one of her friends who had accompanied her to the dance what the situation was, and she said she would tell me when she gets back to town (she left the next morning), which actually, is later today. She (THE girl) IMed me this morning, and I told her about a few hair-raising situations I had already been in this week (missing a team bus, missing a final test due to sickness) and she seemed to show that she cared about what happened. At one point she said "sweetie, did you get everything cleared up?" I don't know about you, but I don't think a girl would call a guy "sweetie" or "hun" for no reason, but I could be wrong. Also, earlier today, my roommate went to see if her friend had returned, which she hadn't, so he talked to another friend of hers to see what was the deal. Turns out, she likes me and another guy (as stated above) that she has known around the same amount of time as me. But this other friend is someone that my roommate and I have had our differences with in the past, so I don't know if she can be trusted. That is why we are waiting for the other friend to return here, we trust her more. She is such a blast to hang out with...I think that's what initially attracted me to her. And the initial closeness (cuddling) we enjoyed was very nice, as well. Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to her about it, or could that put more pressure on her? I'm thinking more that I should just stay friends with her now, with winter break coming up, stay in touch with her over that time (I have her email/MSN, plan on getting her # soon), and maybe go visit her sometime over the break (she is an hour's drive away), if possible. Also, the friend that my roommate spoke to said that she (the girl) had no idea what to do....I feel bad for her...I know I wouldn't want to be in that kind of position. That's it in a nutshell..I need sleep to get my mind off it and start fresh tomorrow..I'm out. Thanks for the input.
  7. #6 seems pretty true to me...the girl in question in my situation doesn't really ask about homework. usually, it's "hey, what's up" or something like that, and then we will talk normally. I am taking more caution in IMing this girl all the time b/c it could give them the wrong impression.
  8. mr sad- nice to meet ya. MSN kinda sucks in the way that you can't see the person face to face and actually read facial expressions and such...and most people aren't into the whole smileys thing...I am to a point. I really can't compare my situation to yours since I haven't known my friend as long as you have known yours, but I get that too where it seems like she is doing all the listening, but will interject with questions; for example, I asked her what sports that she played in high school, and she said softball, bball, and track. I said cool, and she asked me which sports I were in, and what positions I played. A possible solution is to say things that will illicit questions, like ask her if she's got any plans for xmas, if she has any concerts she would like to go to. If she mentions a band or artist you like, try to go into that further. I hope all goes well with your email, and everything. betty, i have a question for ya- would you consider it a good thing that this girl I talk to invites me over often, initiates conversation on msn, and the like? We've already spent time together, we cuddled and watched movies two nights in a row last week, which was nice. We haven't done that since then, but I am just trying to get a feel for who she is, which I like so far. she even initiated kissing and holding hands, which surprised me a bit, but I didn't mind it at all. Her friend, who is like my little sister, told me that she did like me in that way, and i told her that i felt the same. I am also friends with some of the girls on her floor at college. she went to a movie with this guy the other night, but I get the vibe she's not serious about that. I just feel that she might be playing the field a bit, which doesn't bug me b/c I can continue to be a friend to her and try to work towards something.
  9. well man, i've been reading through your thread, and I am in sorta the same position...'cept the girl I am friends with, i've only known for about a month! And I'm still trying to get a feel of what she's all about...which I like so far. keep at it, man...and I agree with betty, conversation is a good thing good luck
  10. I have talked to her friends, and they all think that it's quite cute, actually, that we like each other. She talked to me again today, we talked for about 20 or so minutes (she initiated, once again). I asked her last week to go see Polar Express, I hear that is a good date movie...she said then that she would have to see what is going on that night...I think I mentioned that already though? Anyways, I am going to bring it up again soon (maybe tonight, but probably tomorrow) before she gets any plans. I also noticed something odd today...her font color on msn matched mine....not her font, but the color. It hasn't before...it was just plain 'ol black. Mine is green. Interesting. I'll keep you posted, man.
  11. I have had to let a few people down easily...just be yourself about it, and don't leave the person with a sense of bitterness towards you
  12. I'll try to clear that up a bit. No, I'm not worried about sex...because I know at an early stage, it could complicate things. And it's not that she doesn't want to hang out w/me...she talks to me a lot, and invites me over to her room often. The cuddling just kinda stopped...it's just strange because I don't know why. Everything seemed to be going well and then, bam, it stopped for no apparent reason. She did go to a movie with another guy last night, which is fine. I have my friends, she has her friends. Some of the girls that she is friends with on her floor, are friends with me too. I don't know if that has any bearing on the situation, though. I just think with her being a freshman in college, she needs time to make friends and sort her self out...I plan on talking to her sometime this week. Hope that helps.
  13. First off, I would like to say thank you to whomever helped me with a previous dilemma, that has been worked out and we are now on good terms. I have a different problem now however with a different girl, and I want to see if you all agree with me on how I should handle it. It could get long, but I'll try my best to keep it to a minimum. To start off, the girl is 18 and a freshman in college, and I am 21, and a junior. I first met her through friends at a bi-weekly dance party (I am part of the group that puts them on, along with these friends), and after that night I didn't have any contact with her until last Monday night (a period of a few weeks), when I was invited over by one of her friends to her room to play cards and drink a little. Throughout the whole time I was over there, I found myself looking in her direction a lot, and vice versa. I hinted to one of her friends, who happens to be one of my best friends as well, that I liked her. Apparently, the girl felt the same way, and she told my friend that if I would ask her out, she would accept. The next night, we watched a movie together, and cuddled in bed afterwards, where she initiated hand-holding and kissing. I wasn't about to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable, unless she made the first move. She left around 1:30 that morning due to having an early-morning class. Same thing happens the next night, except I am with her in her room. I left at around 1 AM due to also having an early class, and also due to her bed being a little smaller than mine (I am a big guy) so it was hard to get comfortable at all. The next night is another one of those dance parties, and not many people show up. I ask her to dance, but she is rather shy, as she doesn't like to dance when there aren't a lot of people around. But here's the strange thing - she has initiated almost everything. MSN conversations, handholding, kissing, etc. She even has invited me over to her room often in the past few days, and often messes with me when I am there. We talk 2-3 times a day online. Pretty much the only thing I have initiated at all so far were a few MSN conversations, and I asked her out to a movie this upcoming week, to which she replied that she would have to get back to me on it, which is fine. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's just strange that the physical contact (cuddling, not sex) just stopped immediately...I understand that she is a freshman in college, I was one once, and that she has to become more comfortable with herself, as well as others. I don't want a relationship right off the bat, just some more opportunities one-on-one with her, to get a better idea of what she's like, which so far, I like. I don't have solid feelings for her, but she did make me feel a way I hadn't felt in a while...a sense of completeness. Now for my question: Should I talk to her about how I feel, or just wait a little bit to see if she confronts me? If she didn't like me, I don't think she would talk to me so often or want to spend time with me much. There's more, but I'll cut it off here. Let me know if you have any comments, insight, or if you need clarification on anything. Thanks again for reading.
  14. I agree with this...I am kinda feeling this way with someone now, and it's a really strange feeling.
  15. Good thinking, I agree with you on that one, I'm not 100% sold on the idea she does feel this way, but it is very possible. I am going to try some things and see if she responds. I'll explain the misunderstanding. The whole misunderstanding that I mentioned was that after I had initially asked her, and she had accepted, she told me to get a hold of her any way I could to set up a time to meet. Well I went over on that following Sunday night to set up a time, but she was asleep. Her roommates said that they would tell her I stopped by though. I get an email a few hours later saying "I don't know where you are at in this, a friendship or a relationship, I am really not looking for anything serious right now." That was completely fine with me...I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time either, just to get to know her and see what transpires from there. She just seemed interesting and I wanted to give it a shot. That leads up to my roommate going over there, and talking to her (without me knowing), as I said previously. In addition to asking about my personality, my hometown, and that she wanted to get to know me, she told him she felt bad enough to the point that she thought that I thought she was a b****, which she is not. She blamed herself for the whole thing for mis-interpreting my actions. Just thought I would put that in addition to what you already know...thanks for the input already.
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