littlething Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Sorry for my poor english. My wonderful boyfriend fell asleep and I just would love to do the same, unfortunately nothing helps. It's been three months I can't fall asleep at decent hours. Well, I guess some really honest love making would do, as simple as that. To my disaster I'm in love with this guy and I love sharing my life with him, but sexually he is a baby. His sensuality is completely undevelloped, and talking is not helping. As soon as I try to mention the sex thing he feels agressed and I quit. I don't know what next. I think seroiusly about infidelity. Wouldn't like to loose him, but just can't hndle the frustration anymore. Quote Link to comment
Beec Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Not surprised that he doesn't like it when you bring up the topic. Can you approach him from some reverse psychology angle? IN other words, make him want sex without asking for it. What is he doing for a sexual release? If he is close to you in age, I'd expect him to have an active sex drive. Quote Link to comment
casado001 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 I wonder if there is a sexual maturity difference between you boyfriend and you. A little over his family history, religion, etc may help a little. Cultural differences? Quote Link to comment
Scout Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Compatible sex is a very important part of a romantic relationship. If your boyfriend is terrible in bed, that's one thing. But if he refuses to talk about it or make an effort to get better, that's something else. I can tell you this will only become worse with time, and you will really grow to resent him. My suggestion is, tell him that you need more and better sex, and you are happy to show him what you want. If he refuses to participate, then I would seriously consider ending the relationship. Why should you have to go through the agony and stress of infidelity because he's too selfish to improve in bed? There are plenty of men out there that are wonderful both IN BED and out. Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 I don't think it is a matter of attraction but appetite. He is satisfied with very little and I need a bit more. It is difficult to make him want sex because he thinks sex is taking away his energy, so we have our weekend five minutes - sometimes three... It is very exciting, but far from being satisfactory... Quote Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I don't think it is a matter of attraction but appetite. He is satisfied with very little and I need a bit more. It is difficult to make him want sex because he thinks sex is taking away his energy, so we have our weekend five minutes - sometimes three... It is very exciting, but far from being satisfactory... Oh good lord, 3-5 minutes once a week Yeah, if he was not willing to talk about this or seek counselling, I would be kicking him out. For once a week, you ought to at least get a good session in Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Oh, Scout! You are so straight talking... Actually I would love him to improove, but how should I pass the message that he doesn't feel hurt? I have already talked to him and he knows I have more needs but it seems he can't get the info into his nerves. He workes with his brains and it is not going any further. I have just decided to move to a different country for a few months, and I think it might be the end of our love affair, because he is anable to say : I would prefer you to stay with me. So he will visit me there and will help me with arranging my trip, just not to loose me, but it seems hard to him to commit. Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Well I just realise I am not going crazy and there is something wrong about his education, and what a release for me, thank you for all you say. I don't really need advice because things just have to grow mature and happen naturally, so there will be no regrets. But I really appreciate you guys teeling what you think, that helpes to replace things in my mind. I am actually coming out of depression need some fresh and clear look into my life. Quote Link to comment
Scout Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 You're welcome. Sounds like you know what you want (and deserve!) and that you aren't getting it. Sadly, your guy will be missing out if he doesn't shape up, but you've certainly given him plenty of chances. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but it doesn't sound like he's really considering yours. So, just be frank, honest and kind - but firm. Quote Link to comment
Venturer Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Great scott. 3-5 minutes on a weekend, and that's all he wants? That's almost unheard of to me. If I were in the guys place and the relationship was going really well, I would try to use up the ENTIRE weekend. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for that situation because it's so alien to me. Maybe ask him a few questions and lead the conversation towards sex and get him to open up a bit? Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Well I have been kind, honest, maybe not firm enough? I had other lovers and it has never been a problem before, so I don't think I require too much. I just need a man who will not wait for me to iniciate sex, and with my guy it takes time... Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Venturer, last time when I tried to make it last a little longer and just play with it I was told that it has to be done shortly and straight away. This is how the engine works, otherwise, apparently, it hurts. I made the joke that it was anyway impossible to use the engine during the week time and there was no reaction. My man consideres himself as a normal sexual partner and thinks I am exagerating. Quote Link to comment
Venturer Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 This is how the engine works, otherwise, apparently, it hurts. AH, it hurts? for him? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm reading here that when he tries to go longer than "shortly and straight away" it hurts? If thats the case, then somethings not right... Quote Link to comment
casado001 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Your boyfriend may not seem sex as interesting as you do. He seems not to have any stamina ... maybe a little working out will improve his sexual drive .... Chances are that there are some issues with the testosterone levels, fixable, but sad. Get him to work out, his levels of testosterone will raise for sure .... I hope |lol| Intersticial cell replacement? Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 Well, I hope things will get clearer soon. I finally go to bed, it is three o clock here, I wave goodbye and take care! Thanks for being here! Quote Link to comment
bzborow1 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Why should you have to go through the agony and stress of infidelity because he's too selfish to improve in bed? That's sort of the femi-nazi attitude toward things. You better get out now before you really have an excuse to cheat on him. I agree with the result, just not the phrasing of the advice. You should try to rectify this problem of compatibility, but if you can't then perhaps it's best for the BOTH of you if you move on. Quote Link to comment
Scout Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Why would you say that's a "femi-nazi" kind of advice? I don't get it. Listen, if it was a guy that had the same problem - his girlfriend only gave him five minutes of sex a week - I'd give the same advice to him. I felt I was advocating she take a higher road instead of cheating on him. I agree that relationships take work - a lot of work. But it also requires the cooperation of both people in the relationship, and her boyfriend is not engaging in conversation with her about this, or trying to do something about it. Since they are fairly early in their relationship, this doesn't bode well. Quote Link to comment
kungfumaster Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Dear littlething, Maybe he has a real physical sexual dysfunction - and he's not too proud of it - so he doesn't want to talk about it. He probably doens't know himself. Maybe you should ask him to go see a doctor. Anyways, hope things work out for you. Kung fu Quote Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Tell him what turns you on and guide him. This is the only way you can mould him... Quote Link to comment
littlething Posted October 23, 2004 Author Share Posted October 23, 2004 Well we have talked a little yesterday and there is something really weird about my man's conception of sex. He actually thinks that there is no effort to make because sex should be natural. So I can see now it will be very difficult to push him in my direction, cause I think sex is like driving, once you know how it works, you do not forget, and thou it's taugh at the begginning, when you can drive, you know it. Quote Link to comment
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