Tonight may be my last night....

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

I am SO GLAD that I found this forum.... this is my last hope, and I hope some of you will take the time and can perhaps help me. Sorry for this being so long but I'm just going to get it all out.

 

I am so close to commiting suicide. I can't stand life anymore! There are so many things bothering me. I am always depressed. My best friend and I fight almost everyday now and we're starting to grow apart. He's the only thing I have left. The root of the problem started in 6th grade- which was about 3 years ago since I am in 9th right now. I was recruited on an international american soccer team to travel around the world to play. The excitement and thrill was unbelievable. On the first day of practice we were deviding up into teams and we did "shirts and skins" and I was on the skins team...... I do not take my shirt off - Bottom line. (I'll tell you why I don't do "skins" in a minute)

 

Anyways, I had to quit the team because of this. A great once in a life time experience had gone to waste..... in the summer, I was drafted onto an AAU 14 and under basketball team for Oakhill Academy. This was even more amazing to me than the soccer and basketball is my favorite thing. BUT, when we got into practice... we devided into teams and...... same problem as in soccer.

 

This has happened to me so much and I can't stand it because I'm missing out on so much in my life and at such a young age. I'm not living out my childhood or having fun. I'm always depressed....... my friend invited me to the lake with him at least 100 times over the last 3 summer's and I won't go... even thought I want to more than anything.... and I haven't went to the pool or either. I just sit at home EVERY SINGLE DAY wanting to die because I hate myself.

 

The reason why I won't do any of this is because - I have sorta hairry legs, arms, forearms, its on my stomach and chest, and now its coming on my back....... its awful! But I don't know what I can do about it. People would make fun of me and I'm not comfortable about this. It's making me miss out on everything, I won't even change clothes with my friends in gym class.

 

*back up top about fighting with my friend* My best friend doesn't have any of these problems and I just haven't found it in me to talk to him. He's smooth everywhere, hes the perfect weight, you can see where he's kind of "cut". But I'm not. I'm not fat though, im 180 lbs , 6'2. When I see him out doing all of the things that I could be doing ... it kills me and makes me mad at him. It makes me jelous because he goes around and tries to suck up to everyone and all of the teachers, and all he wants is to be popular and that is NOT important. Its just STUPID. I can not even talk to anyone because everytime I do I start feeling this way and want to die. So no one really remembers the "real me" from 5th grade. It makes me mad because I feel like he's ignoring me in this way. I've talked to him about it before.... I really truly think that everything would be ok if I could just do somethign about the hair problem.

 

I'm not confident at all anymore - this is eating away at me,I tried talking to my mom about it one time and she made fun of me. I wrote a suicide note today and left it in my locker that I was goign to kill myself tonight (my best firend shares that locker with me).

 

I just want to live my life... and be normal and not have to worry about things like this. Next summer I want to be able to go to the pool and lake with my friends. I know it may not be a big deal to some of you but it is to me and I don't want to miss out on anything else.

 

Please... I need some help. Tonight may be my last night.

[Scout]

I remember you posting about this before, and many people responded with sound, practical advice. You never answered us.

 

We suggested you wax the hair off your body or get electrolysis.

 

There is an actual solution to your problem, and that's not always the case with other people who want to commit suicide. Why didn't you take our advice - or at least acknowledge it?

 

You are a young man with a huge world and future ahead of you. You are obviously gifted with athletic talent, among other positive traits. Do you know how lucky you are? I am not sure you do. I sincerely hope you will start listening to some of the people on here who have tried to help you in the past because they felt a lot of concern for you.

 

Further, if you kill yourself, your life will end immediately. Your family's lives of intense grief and sorrow will just begin - and last for the rest of their lives. That is a terrible price for anyone to pay when your problem has an actual solution.

 

I hope you'll respond to this post.

[louisefrance]

dont commit suicide because in the end u are hurting other people not yourself. like your best friend how will he feel if u die? u would be hurting him do u wat to do that?

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

I don't remember posting on here before about this... sorry. But how am I supposed to get it waxed? Or electrolysis? Electrolosys is very expense right? Does anyone know about waxing? and plus im only 15 years old...... gosh this is killing me.

[sunfirechick]

Hi there,

 

I am sorry to hear that you had to give up on such exciting experiences. I can see how upset you are, and I hope that I can help you, even if it's just a little bit.

 

You are young, athletic (and you must be good to have had such opportunities in soccer and basketball), and you have friends that share your passion for sports. There will be many, many more opportunities for you in the future.

 

One of the most important things I can tell you is that you can't let insecurities keep you from what you love, and what makes you happy. I know that at your age, maybe all of the other guys don't have quite as much body hair, but believe me, give them another year or so and they will have caught right up with you! I'm serious, it is very common for guys to have VERY hairy arms and legs, and when you're a young guy, it's just a matter of WHEN it will happen.

 

I know that being a little different is hard when you are in the early years in highschool, but as you get older, your peers will mature and you'll notice that everyone around you is embracing everything they can that sets them apart from the rest of the crowd.

 

Please do not hurt yourself. You have so much to look forward to. I think that you should keep doing what you love, and don't let anything get in the way. If the guys you're playing with make comments, it's either because they are jealous (because you play way better than they do), or because they have their own share of insecurities about themselves. DO NOT take these things to heart. I know I'm not much older than you, but a lot of people your age tend to do and say really stupid things, and they hurt people. But getting through this is going to help shape the person you are, and it will make you stronger, believe me.

 

I know that this is a very difficult time, but you need to stay strong. Please PM me if you need to talk.

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

thanks sunfire....... but, I know IF i go to school tomorrow, things are just going to end up the same again, and I'm going to hate everyone including myself..... Do you think I should wax for a while until I'm a little older? My family isn't hairry.... I dont know why I'm so much different..... I don't want to continue this lifestyle of hating my friends and treating them bad because of how "I" feel.

[lusitana]

Well, I can't advise you about suicide (other than the obvious "Don't do it!"). I just want to say that I'm incredibly attracted to hairy men (but I'm not coming on to you). As in, when I see a hairy stomach I want to swoon. Smooth legs make me shudder, even if they're just shaved for sports (ex swimming, cycling).

 

But you're in the world of elite athletes (congratulations on your accomplishments, by the way!) and there's a different standard in that community. If being hairy is destroying your life, try to change the situation! Every once in a while my guy friends get together and Nair their chests (and I want to cry every time). Go to a salon and get waxing. It'll cost you, but if it's making you so unhappy I think it's worth it. Plus it should last for about six weeks. You may feel embarrassed about going, but from what I gather more and more guys are doing it, especially the younger ones. If you're brave, try a home kit. But for sure, do something. It's in your power.

 

I hate the emerging pressure on men to be hairless. Isn't it bad enough that women are supposed to have no hair whasoever besides eyelashes, eyebrows (and not too much eyebrow at that) and what's on their head?

 

A guy I had this huge crush on in high school was (of course) really hairy. The guys would poke fun at him sometimes but it didn't go much farther than, "Dang, you're a hairy beast!" because he'd just agree with a sardonic grin. The volleyball team warmed up shirtless one day. Wow. The rest of 'em looked like preppy little boys in comparison.

[rodeochick235]

personally i don't think u should commit suicicide. cuz u hurt other people worse thanu hurt urself. I am a 14 year old girl and i don't care about body hair (care, hair lol i'm a poet and i didn't know it ) anyway if the hair makes u that uncomfortable then shave wax or somethin.u shouldn't end ur life or miss out on your dreams b-cuz of hair.

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

.. i feel a little better... i just hope tomorrow isnt bad too, i mean after all , it is friday....... ive tried to shave it but you can still see it, plus it sux to do that every day ... (god i feel sorry for girls) .... I think there is hope afterall....... is waxing expensive? Any ideas on how to "talk to someone " about this? I cant talk to my parents, already tried and they made me cry......

[Finch]

Firstly, I think that you should have a serious discussion with your parents or guardians that you suffer from depression. I think you do because wanting to die because you have a hairy body is not normal.

 

Secondly, the hair body situation can be taken care of so easily I don't understand why you let it bother you. Just go get waxed man.. it's that simple. I'm sure your parents or whoever would allow you to do it and perhaps even pay for it.

 

Thirdly, you were worried about your weight but it sounds to me that you're just built. You should be happy. Just go to the gym and work out the areas of your body that you consider to be fatty. For example: if you have a fat stomach then work your abs.

 

I think with the proper care for your depression and a little bit of improvement to your body you will feel on top of the world. You will seriously slap yourself for ever considering killing yourself.

 

BTW, you should talk to your friend and tell him what's up with you. He'll understand and appreciate that you can confide in him.

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

thanks finch , you're right.... just thinking about it makes me feel stupid for wanting to commit suicide........ did i mention my mother is a very well known cosmetologist?

[Finch]

Than you're set man! Just tell her about it and I'm 99% sure she'd understand. I mean she shaves too.. and with that kind of profession..

 

I understand your embarrassment over body hair. I have some hairy legs and I'm a little reluctant to wear shorts, but I do it anyway. I don't care.. I'm a man; I'm supposed to be hairy.

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

yeah - i know how that is... i wear pants in the summer time, and sometiems long sleeves in 100 degree weather.... its terrible

[asdf1234]

The issue must have bothered you enough to make you want to end your life, but don't let it overcome you. Everyone has an insecurity, and for those that do and want to overcome it, they find a way to do so. Waxing can be painful, but you have a lot of options with hair removal (lotions by Curel and Jergens that makes hair grow slower, Nair and other creams that you can apply and wipe away after a few minutes, and of course, hair bleaching creams). With your mother being in the aesthetics industry, she'll definitely be able to offer some solutions to you. I knew a girl who didn't like the amount of hair she had, so every 6-8 weeks, she would go to a salon and get waxed (arms, legs, face). There are only a few people who seem naturally hairless, but we all have something we feel insecure about - maybe they have hands that are too big, maybe their eyes aren't shaped the same way, maybe they think their knees look funny. Tyra Banks has a very prominent forehead and uses it to distinguish herself from others, and people still think she's beautiful. George Clooney has dark circles under his eyes but women still love him.

 

It may be upsetting to you, but you have many solutions that'll work wonders.