Why am I looked at so negatively?

[VIII]

As I'm sure several of you have read my last couple of posts regarding the decaying state of my marriage, I will refrain from recapping the details... Since my wife and mines "separation" many people have told me that I should forgive her and that I'm wrong for not wanting to be with her after her cheating on me and spending our entire marriage lying to me. The problem is that our entire relationship, I've been looked at ass the bad guy. Her entire family is under the impression that I abuse her physically and mentally. I've never once raised my voice at her (with the exception of our very last "issue" concerning her infidelity and dishonesty and even then I didn't call her any names or anything. I've certainly never raised a finger at her threateningly. All of her friends are telling her that I'm a bad person and that she needs to leave me for her safety and the safety of our daughter. Even though she and i aren't On the best of terms, shes still insisting to her friends and family that I've never harmed her. mentally, physically or otherwise. I'm truly confused and really hurt that I'm being looked at so negatively. She's never had to fear for her safety and over never put my hands on her. I'm not even the type to get mad on that level.and if I do, I get in my car and take a drive to cool off and talk things out rationally. She's the one who cheated on me. She's the one who spent three years and has lied to me constantly since the day she said "I do" and she is the one who has attacked me physically on several occasions and she has admitted to all of this and yet some now I'm still the bad guy... ***!?

[pl3asehelp]

These other people obviously have no opportunity to know what the truth is, so what do you care what they think? If your wife has been feeding them lies there's not much you can do about that other than ask her to stop or taking some legal action if she violates a law.

[seanryder]

I'm sorry to hear this my friend. I've had similar experience myself. At first it did bother me what people thought, but the truth ALWAYS comes out sooner or later.

 

Now I don't give a damn what they think of me, good or bad. Don't waste your time, energy and brainpower worrying about what they think. You have no control over it, and in the end what does their opinion matter. Do you really respect the opinion of people who make up their minds without hearing the facts and both sides of the story...I don't.

[VIII]

But that's just it... She's been telling them that I haven't been anything but a wonderful husband to her (her exact words). Ive had an ex who had me arrested after telling the police that I hit her and inflicting bruises on herself all because I broke up with her and I think that's why I'm so concerned. I've been to jail because of false accusations like these and I really don't want that again. But I can't think of a reason why so many people would assume such a thing. Our relationship was wonderful until I found out about her lying to me and even then I never made any threatening gestures at her or anything.

[pl3asehelp]

She's either lying or these people are aware of your past and are disregarding her words that you're a wonderful husband because they know abuse victims frequently lie to protect their abuser.

[VIII]

Lying to protect an abusive person has always confused me. I never could understand that. I know that's what she's telling them because she's shown me the messages between her and her friends/family. I even got into a confrontation with her grandmother when she approached me and threatened to have he nephews/grandsons "find me and hurt me" if she heard about me putting my hands on her and she walked in and told her grandmother to calm down and leave me alone because she was barking up the wrong tree. Her friends don't know anything about the situation between myself and my ex. My wife actually went to court with me during that situation (long before we were married) and was livid when the judge said at he believed my ex. I'm just confused as to why people think I'm such a bad person and I haven't been in a fight since high school and that was with the 7 or 8 guys who tried to gang up on me and ended up regretting that rather quickly lol.