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Long Relationship Ended, now Love Triangle


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This might be a long story but hopefully it's at least entertaining enough to keep you reading.


I was dating this older Japanese girl for about 2 and half years. We broke up 3 weeks ago. It was something that I wanted, so that is no big deal in terms of wanting to get back with her. She is not on my radar at all.


So, I haven't been single in a while and I made some stupid mistakes.


I ended up meeting another girl a few days later, then we hooked up that weekend. The next day, she emailed me and asked me "what are we?" kinda deal. I didn't know how to react and well she asked if I wanted to date, and I turned it back on her and asked if she wanted to. She then said "I love you" but English isn't her first language so... I don't think she gets the gravity of those words.


So, fast forward 1 week, I met her again (we'll call her girl1 from now on). We went out for the day and came back and hooked up again. She is really really cool too. We get along great but I've heard kinda that when you break up with someone, you tend to compare your ex and the new girl really easily. (I have found myself doing that) and it makes it easy to see the good points in someone and.. ****, i don't know.


So, the next day, I wanted to meet another friend that I have been talking to. (To be honest, we first met the day after hooking up with girl1) So we met downtown and girl1 saw me with girl2. I reassured girl1 that girl2 was just a friend (which is true) but I was just feeding the fire that me and girl1 were in a serious dating relationship.


I don't know what I was doing. But me and girl2 were talking a lot. Nothing happened between us, but she really seems into me and I am really into her too.


So, last Sunday, I went out and met girl1 to set her straight and kinda take back what I had said about calling her my girlfriend. Needless to say, she was not happy. She called me out and I made some dumb ****ing mistakes.


To be honest, when we hooked up the first time, we were not 'technically' dating. She knew I had just gotten out of a long relationship. But the second time, were kinda under false pretenses. I mean, I thought I wanted to date her. She is really really cool. But, upon deeper thoughts and speculation, I realized I need to take some time for myself.


So, advice time. It's not particularly which should I date, or what should I do... it's more for handling yourself after getting out of a long relationship...


I am generally a person who likes to be in a relationship, but I don't want to jump into something that will tie me down for the next two years.


(Also, let it be known I'm living in Japan and girl1 can't speak a word of English, whereas girl2 has great English. But regardless, my Japanese is more than sufficient for dating... probably)


That ought to be enough....

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  • 3 weeks later...

In case anyone cares for an update...


After posting the previous message, I met girl2 and she said she wasn't interested in a boyfriend at the time, so I eventually came to start dating girl1.


So, time passes, I keep meeting girl2 (since I figure we're friends). We meet in a group and sometimes it ends up with just us 2. Lots of flirting but nothing happens.


Just the other night, we met and now she confesses to me, but I have to tell her I'm already dating girl1. She's obviously surprised.


Long story short: I told girl2 I'll break up with girl1 for her.


Any advice on how to break up with a girl in the "softest" way?

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The sooner the better- just tell her that you just got out of a longterm relationship and you jumped into another relationship too soon. Apologize to her and tell her she is great but it is the wrong timing and you are no longer interested.


Then clean up your act - you avoided telling girl1 the truth about your level if involvement and it often hurts way more later than if you had been truthful from the beginning.


Be honest with girl 2 from the beginning. Don't jump into a physical relationship right away. Hopefully this will work out for you.

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