Was I played...Am I still being played?

[Shan-Tilly]

I had asked previously about weather or not I should marry my fiance...well I left some important info. out (I think it is important aanyway). Basically I agree with those who said I shouldn't get married if I am haveing doubts...My true question that I guess I was afraid to ask is this I played and will he play me again?[/b]

THE FACTS:

1.He was a virgin when I met him.

2.He cheated on me about three and a half months after we'd been dateing.

3.He didn't tell me he loved me until the night he told me that he had cheated on me...about four hours after confessing.

4.He proposed within two weeks of #3

 

Please Help! I don't want to be a fool, but I love him...I think

[brwneyedwoman]

hello Shan-tilly, first and formost, if he loved you he wouldn't have cheated on you this is a fact. Second, he is feeling guilty because he knows he did wrong, and now he is proposing marriage. Now i don't know everything in your situation but it could possibly be that he has finally realized through cheating on you that he does love you. But from experenice i would say if he was only a virgin i can guarantee that he will want to explore other girls, his cheating has proved that! It would help me futher to know how long exactly the two of you have been seeing eachother I believe strongly that it takes a lifetime to really know somebody just when we think we know someone we find they weren't at all what we had hoped they would be. My strong advice to you would be to take things slowly and call off any engagments for time being, if you can forgive him for his wrong doings and you are sure he wants to be with you then by all means please take it slow and keep your eyes and hears open don't be nieve, you will set yourself up for a huge fall. I wish you all the luck in the world and my heart does go out to you in this painful time. brwneyedwoman

[SwingFox]

Hi Shan-Tilly,

 

I agree for a full 100% with brwneyedwoman. I think she has some REAL valid points there.

 

However, I would also want to add this to what she said: You asked: "Was I played and will I be played on again?" The answer to that question is: "Are you going to accept this from him and will you ever be able to forgive him?" I would think of the boundaries you set in your relationship. What exactly do you find acceptable and what is totally unacceptable towards you. After that see how far this young man meets you in those boundaries, needs and expectations you have in life. If you will ever trust him again and you can compromize in your needs, you might slowly want to try things again with him.

 

Last but not least: IF you are going back to him and be with him, he will have to understand that you will have to regain trust and confidence again and that this WILL take some time. I would communicate that towards him, before making any move.

 

I wish you good luck in your future and hope that your future will be better from now on.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[polarbear21]

I agree with the things already raised. However I want to ask you about two more things that should at least give you pause to think about your relationship. First he told you he loved you 3 months into your relationship. If you have been dating pretty frequently that seems a bit long to know wether you love or don't love someone. Second 2 weeks later he proposed to you? He was telling you he loved you for only 2 weeks then though hey I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl? I don't know if these are really bad signs, but at least I think you should slow down and look deeper into your relationship.

[Shan-Tilly]

Thanks for the advice to everyone. Guess I just needed to know if I was makeing the right decisions or not...I have told him that the engagement is off for now, but we're still together as a couple.