Danger - growing away from eachother? Help!

[JosephQ]

I really need some help from someone who has been through similar situation!!

 

So I met this girl a little while back. We have not been in a LDR for very long. We live around 300 miles away - not thaaat far, its just the cost of transport and availabilty which makes it so difficult. At the beginning it was all good, we were talking all the time, we both completely trust each other and tbh 'in love'. But then I noticed a change, her attitude towards and she wasn’t the same. She never shows any affection and talks about anything positive. Our convos are very short, and very few and in between, - lucky to get a reply from her if I text her.

 

Lately, I asked her you know what’s going on? I know she is a busy person anyway, so I understand we won’t talk much, we have our own lives to live. But she told me preferred distancing that way she doesn’t miss me as much. I understand what she means, but the explained lack of communication isn’t helping anyone... Then she told me, the "truth happened - LDRs never work!" Her friends always tell her that which doesn’t help. It confused me, at the start she used to say how much I mean to her, and that she still says she loves me and doesn't wanna end, but she doesn’t believe in this. She said she cant stay so positive for so long its just to hard. I told her I wanted to see her, but she told me it wouldnt change much, just make her miss me more. I realise even if I give all my effort (Which I’m doing now) it won’t work, it needs both efforts. Shes giving upp because it upsets her that we are far away.. She knows how I feel and I know she doesnt want to end it, she says away from it when I mention it – I tell her all the time if we don’t speak, it will be worse. I just can’t make her heart melt like I used to and I think this sort of makes me seem so needy when I express my love and stuff. When I try, the response is so empty.

 

Even atm, I feel shes trying to ignore anything with me, just to forget about everything to stop the hurt. I don't know how all of a sudden she became so negative. Im sure her friends have something to do with it..

I don’t know what to think. Maybe sometimes I come off too needy which makes her want to distance. Shall I give her time to clear her head – am I being too needy? Will it get better with time, or is in the end already?

I feel maybe she’s slowly getting over me?

 

If anyone has advice pls help me out!

[ReturnToSender]

In long distance relationships communication is an important factor, I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and we always made sure to make time for another and talk. Sometimes it was hard with both of us working and going to school but we always made time for "us" since we weren't able to see each other often talking and spending time together was the only thing we had. If she's going to stop communicating the relationship wont last, try talking to her and see what is really going on she might be using this as an excuse to slowly ease away from you. If you guys want this relationship to work you need to communicate and make time for each other. Ultimately my relationship didn't work out but it wasn't due to the distance. In fact I know a lot of people who have been in long distance relationships and are now married.

 

It's not a good sign if she's letting her friend influence her decisions about being in this relationship with you. She should be making her own decisions like I said talk to her try and see what's going on try to find out if maybe there is more to what she's saying.

 

Also I don’t think your being needy in a LDR it’s very important to express your feeling to your SO.

[camus154]

Forget about what her friends are telling her. That's a scapegoat....she's an adult quite capable of making her own decisions. And unfortunately in this case, it sounds like she's deciding she can't engage in an LDR.

 

I would honor her stance on this and end it. It's not your job to convince someone to be in a relationship with you, and I honestly can't fathom why you'd want to be in such a situation.

[JosephQ]

I was thinking, because she said she needs time to clear her head and think (Im sure she's really stressed at the moment though) that I would just give her time. Im uncertain I will get a response back for a long time though lol But also, perhaps I should make an effort to see her and maybe settle this face to face. I highly doubt she will want to see me, but I'll surprise her anyway. This a good idea?

[Snny]

Then she told me, the "truth happened - LDRs never work!" Her friends always tell her that which doesn’t help.

so I guess according to her friend all military marriages/relationships are doomed for failure because of the LDR status. Her friend sounds like a qualified speaker on this topic!

 

I agree... if she doesn't want to make it work, then let her go.