How does one approach dating when they've never been on a date?

[cadmiumblue]

I'm 28 and have never been on a date and am completely inexperienced in every way.

 

How would someone start dating at an age where most people are either married or have a long dating history? Am I just doomed? DO people ever start dating that late, or is it just pointless?

[Star Killer]

I'm 22 and never dated as well or have been in a relationship, but I have been looking around this forum quite a bit and it looks like yea people start dating late so of course theres hope!

[blueidealist24]

There's no way for the person you're on a date with to know you've never been on a date before. You could be nervous but some people who have been on a lot of dates are still nervous. When it comes to kissing, I was worried before I had my first REAL kiss (which was a little older than the average age - I was eighteen), that it would be obvious I hadn't made out before and that I'd be bad, but it came more naturally than I thought and the guy didn't seem disgusted which I was worried about beforehand lol. Now, stuff like fooling around, it was more obvious that I hadn't done it before and it didn't come as naturally, but there are quite a few people in their 20s who are relatively inexperienced with that.. as I'm still a virgin I can't weigh in on actual sex. There have been some guys who have judged me for being a virgin, but I guess they were just out for sex anyway. No guys have actually judged me for only having short relationships in the past, although I still worry that they will.

[Klokwurk]

You approach it very slowly, making sure you dont make too much noise; the man-human is very sensitive and might begin to charge if it feels threatened.

 

You sound like a huge downer - Id fix that first before going on a date with anyone.

 

Sorry, just the truth.

[cadmiumblue]

You approach it very slowly, making sure you dont make too much noise; the man-human is very sensitive and might begin to charge if it feels threatened.

 

You sound like a huge downer - Id fix that first before going on a date with anyone.

 

Sorry, just the truth.

 

Gee, thanks!

[thatguy80]

Hi Cadmiumblue.

 

Saw this post and had to respond to it. I had actually just made a post about a girl that I've been dating for 2 months that sounds like you. She's 27 and had never had a relationship or kissed a guy. I, on the other hand, have had multiple relationships and I really don't know how many dates. This makes it a little awkward on some parts like showing affection and such, because she's just not used to it. I can read most women pretty well, but it's a whole new ballgame with her.

 

It's never too late to start. I really think a lot of it depends on what you're looking for. If you're after a real relationship, the guy could care less about your experience and might actually like the fact that you have not "been around the block" so to say. If it's just some sleazy guy after sex, then it might scare them off, which would be a good thing!

 

I know in my situation, I found it quite endearing when I found out her past. I actually thought she was just not interested at the start because of the way she acted, but something about her made me persist.. All relationships\dating are is a friendship with that extra little spark...

[Klokwurk]

Gee, thanks!

 

You just need to realize that none of this matters, life is a pretty meaningless existence, and just have fun with it. Get out of your head.

 

In direct answer to your question, yes, people can start dating for the first time at your age - Ive seen it happen. You are not doomed, but me telling you that you are not doomed does not matter. Why? Because YOU need to feel it. You need to KNOW that you are cute, that guys want to be with you, that there is one special one that fits really great into your life.

 

I know its a bit like "get confident, stupid" but Ive seen it happen, with people REALLY down and out.

[Aggawam]

I'm 27 and never had been on a relationship before few weeks ago, never asked a girl on a date, no experience.... although I've been out with a few girls in the past (they flirted on me, it was their initiative, but always one night thing). Now I'm going out with this girl.... you can see the history here in the forum... I took the "risk" and made the first move asking her out and succeeded with a few dates.

 

For the woman I think that it should be even easier.... because usually the man is the one that makes the first moves... the girl just need to give a few signs.

 

The secret pretty much is what Klokwurk said: "Get confident, stupid!" Lol

 

You must stop thinking rationaly.... think with your heart and instincts....

 

I'm still very very shy.... don't know if that will ever change. So lots of situations make me nervous: contacting new people personally, public presentations, etc.

 

Before facing the situation you start feeling nervous, you may sweat a little, your hands shake, your heartbeat will go to higher rate, you may say stupid things or just don't know what to say.

 

And after? What happens? Do you get sick? Do you die? No.... it's just a temporary feeling that you must start taking as a good feeling like adrenaline.

 

I know how hard it is.... I've been there.... I'm still shy but it feels a lot easier and I feel lighter.

 

Start talking to men in every possible situation.... dress nicely... smile more.... and get asked for a date.

[joeson1257]

I'm in a similar situation. I am 27 years old and have absolutely no experience with women. I know people will say its never too late but I think for me it is. Most women would expect a guy to be very experienced by the time he is in his late 20s.

[IAmAlwaysAlone]

Honestly, I think it's easier for an older female to start in the dating game, than it is for an older male. From my experience, it seems as though guys find it endearing if a girl is a little quiet and/or shy, and hasn't had many - if any - relationships. However, if you're an older male, especially if you're 30+, and you're shy, nervous, whatever else, and haven't dated or been in a relationship, more often than not, girls are going to be turned off by that. I know that not all women will be, but from my experience, that's just what has come about.

 

All I know is, I know exactly how you feel, how utterly hopeless it can all feel, where it seems as though none of your friends or family, is actually capable of just understanding exactly what you're going through, because it came about so easily for them. It's actually come to the point where I'm starting to feel indifferent about dating or relationships. I still try to talk to women as much as I can, as I still hold out for even just the slighest glimmer of hope. However, I'm starting to feel as though friendship with women is all that I'm good for.

 

Have you thought about joining any clubs? Do you have any hobbies or past times that you are passionate about? Maybe joining a club that is of interest to you, will help in your endeavours to find that perfect man that you deserve.

[cadmiumblue]

Can I make a post about my insecurities without someone pointing out how men always have it worse? That's not true. Most men my age are having sex, so I'd say they're doing better than I am. Women struggle with involuntary celibacy and being a virgin for a long time just as much as men do.

[IAmAlwaysAlone]

Sorry, was just trying to relate while drawing on my own experience.

[wsim]

This describes me exactly. As a 28 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before, I've come to the realization that it may not happen for me. I have went on a few dates and kissed a girl before, but have little to no experience in dating and relationships. It is quite difficult, especially for men in their later 20's with no dating/relationship experience, as this is a turnoff for many women, since we are expected to take the lead and know how to act around them.

 

I have always wanted to go on dates, but never had much of an opportunity. Women aren't interested in me other than just friends or anything beyond a first date. Therefore, I don't have what it takes.

[Klokwurk]

This describes me exactly. As a 28 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before, I've come to the realization that it may not happen for me. I have went on a few dates and kissed a girl before, but have little to no experience in dating and relationships. It is quite difficult, especially for men in their later 20's with no dating/relationship experience, as this is a turnoff for many women, since we are expected to take the lead and know how to act around them.

 

I have always wanted to go on dates, but never had much of an opportunity. Women aren't interested in me other than just friends or anything beyond a first date. Therefore, I don't have what it takes.

 

So what is your problem? Why dont women want to go out on dates with you?

[IAmAlwaysAlone]

So what is your problem? Why dont women want to go out on dates with you?

 

Honestly, I wish that it was something else, something external as to why women don't want anything to do with me, because that's maybe something that I can work on. As women being turned off by my lack of experience, isn't something that I can do much about, since nobody is willing to give me a chance.

[Loveandlost]

Honestly, I wish that it was something else, something external as to why women don't want anything to do with me, because that's maybe something that I can work on. As women being turned off by my lack of experience, isn't something that I can do much about, since nobody is willing to give me a chance.

 

Think about it, look at your user name... women like men with confidence and you dont have any. Get a full length mirror.. stand infront of it.. now as yourself "If i were a girl would I want to date me" then start addressing every single thing that makes you think no. Are you out of shape? Start going to the gym. Do you not have many friends? Join some meetup groups or outdoor activities. Are my teeth messed up? Go to the dentist. Live with parents? Move out and get a roomate...

 

Now after you get yourself to the point where you can look in the mirror and say yes I would date me. You need to learn how to date. Be honest with yourself look in the mirror on a scale of 1-10 are you a 4? 6? 8? Go on some dating websites and purposely strike up conversations with women that you be settling for. If you are a 6 message some 4's.. etc. Google how to message someone on a dating website for ideas on what to say.

 

Now after some email and text exchanges set up some fun casual dates.. coffee, sushi, a walk downtown. The idea is you are now learning how to interact with women on a more intimate level. Smile, laugh, and listen. Ask questions and let them talk. Hold doors and make humorous observations. This is all about building up confidence and learning how to get that second, and third date.

[cadmiumblue]

I feel this thread has gotten a bit derailed.

[lalalollipops]

Yeah the mirror idea is good. You're too 'woe is me' and I'm sure you kinda project that aura outwards.

Stand in front of the mirror two or three times a day and say 'God, I'm f----- gorgeous stuff. Everywhere I go, all eyes are on me and I f---- love it.' Say it alot. Say it loudly. It's all about changing your perception of reality.

If you're thinking 'I'm doomed, noone wants me...' well guess what? They won't.

 

Also work on your posture and confidence. Read alot to expand knowledge, get a nice haircut and several new pieces for your wardrobe. If you look like you take pride in yourself, then people will also treat you with more respect and give you more attention.

[cadmiumblue]

Again...thread is veering off a bit. Back on topic: I am having issues. Does anyone want to help?

[wsim]

So what is your problem? Why dont women want to go out on dates with you?

 

If only it were that easy to find out. I would chalk it up mostly due to women perceiving me as uninteresting and cannot seem to generate that spark with women. Unfortunately, I have not been able to figure out a way to stand out among the others, since I am pretty much an average guy myself.

[abitbroken]

Have you ever caught a movie or got an ice cream with a woman "as friends" = either talking about a class project with a female classmate lab partner at college over a coffee that was not a "date" (even if she was 20 years older than you and married). If you have, then you are 70% of the way experienced in going on a date. A first date is like meeting a friend for coffee or lunch or dinner to see if you have things in common or if there is interest. It doesn't have to involve flowers or romance. If you are fine talking one on one with someone, you will do just fine. Most women who don't know anything about you rather have you not make a pass with them and rather have you just get to know them the first few dates anyway.

[cadmiumblue]

Can someone give me advice, please? That's why I started this thread.

[lalalollipops]

Uh what exactly is your definition of advice? People are giving it, you just don't seem to be wanting to take it in.

[cadmiumblue]

No, people are giving advice to this guy who stepped into my thread.

[lalalollipops]

Well I *did* give you advice lol. The mirror thing was directed at you.

You're initial post was such a downer. You gotta work on your positivity. Being negative and self pitying is very unattractive =(.