Fixing your mistakes to have better relationships.

[TopFive]

Since I've been in this risky world of relationships (which has only been like a year and some change), I have learned that it is all just one big learning experience. A relationship will teach you a lot about yourself and the opposite sex. So far I have learned:

 

*How to control my emotions when a female is acting out.

*To take it easy on the booze and avoid drunk dialing.

*How to express my feelings without being loud and disrespectful

*To ALWAYS trust my gut.

 

I can guarantee you that I will live and die by those four things in my next relationship. Now I can't tell you what I want my next lover to be like, but i will say that I hope she is nothing like the chick my ex became at the end of our relationship.

 

What are some things that you have learned from past relationships and what will you do differently in your next relationship? Do any of you have an ideal partner?

[vix8]

I've learned to not put up with not being a priority to my guy in my relationship. If video games and weed come first.. then I'm gone.

I've learned to not give second chances on a cheater, because once a cheater, always a cheater.

I've learned to never try and change a person, because if they don't want to change then they're not going to, and will do things behind your back.

I've learned to lay out flat to the person what I want in a relationship, and give them a chance to show it, if not, then I'm not for them.

Because I have had trust issues from past cheaters, I've learned once you find someone you can trust, you really have to just trust them and stop snooping and get help because it can ruin a good and innocent thing.

 

In a relationship, trust matters the most to me. I want someone who is going to be loyal, respectful, supportive through the hard times, and can communicate their emotions to me. On the flip side, I would like someone who wants to take me out on dates, spend quality time with me, and go on adventures. I also need the person to have similar future goals as me, and someone who actually makes something out of their life and doesn't just sit around smoking weed and playing video games being broke and wasting all their money on dumb ****.

[appdev89]

Did you really look at the topic? The good man posted it saying "Fixing your mistakes", not "Dodging SO's mistakes". geez. And the things you state are no brainers. These usually are learn't before the beginning of your first relationship, not after a few.

[TopFive]

hahahahahahaha.. he's right vix8, but i feel you. What are somethings YOU do bad in a relationship. It's not always the guys fault. Actually it's never always the guys fault.

[feenyx]

Actually it's never always the guys fault.

 

I don't know about that...my exes cheated on me so saying it's because of excuse #1, 2, and 3 isn't correct.

 

But sure, I have a few mistakes to work on for better relationships. But it doesn't involve putting blame on either sex.

[Chalk]

I think I'm learning...

 

*It's not always my all fault when things go wrong. Some of it is my fault and I can look into what I did and change. But I'm not an intrinsically bad person and the end of this relationship does not make me a failure. Life's not black & white. But unfortunately it can suck.

*I need to communicate better if I am hurt by a persons actions and not make assumptions or go passive aggressive. That can hurt back and doesn't help.

*I was not in the right job and needed to leave it at work.

*I'm not always right (although I soo am...sometimes, lol).

[shadow10]

What I learned from my last relationship:

 

Not to get too emotionally attached too quickly

If I feel uncomfortable about something, bring it up instead of just sitting on it and hoping it goes away

Not to expect my SO to change for me

Not to expect my SO to choose me over their friend even if their friend wronged me

Not to become clingy and dependent on my SO

When I feel angry, not to have an attitude but rather explain why I'm feeling that way

[SteelJM1]

-Not to get emotionally attached too quickly (thanks shadow), even if she is

-Not ignore very significant red flags, and walk away when those red flags are presenting themselves in the very beginning

-Push for open communication and honesty

[GrowingUp85]

Express my feelings and my side of the story.

Ask questions how how she feels to gain understanding.

Accept someone for who they are. I can't change her.

[FreeFallFeelin]

Take time EVERY DAY to really connect with your partner and tell them how much you love them.

 

Love them like they're never going to leave, but understand that they just might.

 

Take nothing for granted.

[andonJ]

Take time EVERY DAY to really connect with your partner and tell them how much you love them.

 

Love them like they're never going to leave, but understand that they just might.

 

Take nothing for granted.

 

^^exactly this. You learn this very quickly when you lose someone you never thought you would. I do my best to practice all of this is in my current relationship

[sb12]

-Not ignore very significant red flags, and walk away when those red flags are presenting themselves in the very beginning

-Push for open communication and honesty

 

I agree with these two points for my future relationships. I ignored so many red flags and they got me in the end.

[ricky123]

I totally agree with the topic of this post, I too need to learn how to control my emotions better. I also need to learn how to become appreciated and to show love and affection to someone only if they appreciate it. Sometimes you can get so carried away in a relationship that the only thing that matters is keeping the other person happy, unfortunately that may backfire on you in the future if you are not cognizant of what you are providing to the other person and if that person doesnt show some level of appreciation. Red flags early on is also a MUST for me, it seems to me that after my first relationship of 4 years going south about 6 years ago, i have made error after error in choosing the right person for me. As soon as i run into someone that may be hot and interesting i fall immediately for them in the hopes that I can continue to be happy with this new person. That has def put my world in a sling, as I have been married before and just got out of a 1 year relationship. Part of the reasons for my breakups in the past have def involved situations that involve heavy drinking and then getting belligerent, thankfully i have not hurt anyone, and i dont drink like that often , but it seems that these types of scenarios can make your significant others see you in a different light and that may change everything. Though i think thats a bit of a cop out because relationships are not easy by any stretch, and passion is apart of a relationship so the ocassional lashing out is part of certain men , especially if the other person is igniting the fire. I think its impt to try to find someone who complements you , appreciates you, and also is little less prone to arguing and lashing out then you because having two tigers in one cage may work for a while but eventually one of them isnt going to make it. If you catch my drift, red flags are def something to look out for tho, because I can remember the exact instances of when I saw red flags being waived at me in my past relationships and I chose to overlook them . For example : In the beginning after a long drunken night in a hotel, my ex confessed to me that her mom , dad and brother dont really have alot of love for each other. And they dont know how to express that love, at which point she began to cry histerically and fall asleep, now to the avg person this may seem like a normal instance, but it def showed me how she handles her emotions. Knowing that she cut off her other ex that she was with before and knowing that she is a expert at hiding and bottling up her emotions led to an explosion at the most inconvenient time for both of us. So being aware of emotional states of other people in the beginning is impt along with other reasons. hope i can get some of your insights on this !