"I love U but dont like the person you have become" gaming addiction need advise

[Twistedoo9]

Well you just validated my thought about the text conversation....it went horribly bad. if she bring up me going to the zoo with the kids...which she will what should i do or say.

[Lester]

If you mean it… At the right time, (think!), call her tonight. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t answer.

 

If she doesn’t answer:

“Hi honey, I was thinking all day about how I talked to you last night… I’m sorry, forgive me.”

Twist, what I’m going to say next is very important! SAY NO MORE AND HANG THE PHONE UP!

If she does answer:

 

“Hi honey, I was thinking all day about how I talked to you last night… I’m sorry, forgive me.”

Twist, what I’m going to say next is very important! SAY NO MORE AND GOODNITE!

She may just say goodnight…, If she does Twist, for God’s sake, hang up the phone! DON’T TRY TO GET HER TALKING. YOUR MOUTH IS THE ENEMY OF YOUR MARRIAGE!

 

If:

She continues to talk… LISTEN AND DON’T TALK. By now you should know the proper way of listening to the most important person in the world! Review my old posts to you.

 

When done say sorry one more time and goodnight.

 

Reflect

 

PS, Stop using txts!!! They are impersonal, removed and all kid. Us husbands are some of least removed people on earth!

[Twistedoo9]

Weekend was good and bad.

 

The good was the zoo was great. Me and the kids had so much fun. I took on 3 kids by myself and had zero problems. We went and ate afterwards and played for little bit in the backyard after I dropped them off.

 

The bad..... Well my fears about this other guy are confirmed. Someone i know overheard conversation with my wife and her friend talking about dating during a separation. She even went to a priest in our church and asked about dating and sex during a separation leading to divorce. Basically he said dating was ok just not sex ( we are catholic). She didn't like his answer because she is a adult and it would make dating difficult. She went on to talk about this other guy. Nothing has happened and they just talk after church but she wishes he would ask her out and is even thinking about inviting him to my youngest kids party in nov. she talked about how he is always doing things and keeps busy and seems like a fun person to be around.

 

I am not sure what to do at this point. I was wondering why it went from we have a chance to no chance at all. Looking back her doubts about reconciling it started when I first found out about this other guy. I am lost and need help because right now we get along and it is nice but feel like I am being used.

 

I did got Love must be tough Sat. Just have not started reading it yet.

[Lester]

I’m sorry twist, did I miss the post were you said there is another guy? If I did, why haven't you read Dobson yet? I mentioned it many times!

 

Either way, no Catholic priest alive would say such nonsense! It’s most likely a lie meant to hurt. Your marriage is between you, her and God. Mass media may parlay divorce as a neat little package, but trust me when I say; there’s no such thing in the Catholic world.

 

I know someone who is the third year of the annulment process! They interview witnesses! (See what I mean about this silly lie!) Many never get annulments because they can’t prove the marriage was a non-marriage from the start.

 

Reminder:

It’s not about her.

You may have been too late before you posted your first post.

Nowadays, there’s always the ubiquitous other “man”. (Review how to handle this with her in previous posts.)

You must read Dobson…yesterday!

 

Did you call her like I instructed and say sorry?

Who is this person overhearing your wife?

Normally, while under the same roof I would tell you to tell this/any “man” to stay away from your wife. Being separated, with so much time wasted, and mistakes… I would have to think about it.

 

I do know you can’t be a doormat.

 

Talk to you later.

[Twistedoo9]

yeah it was back on the second page. I was so wrong and you even said so.....but she has not done anything yet but if she is openly talking to her friend about him then it is only a matter of time. And it was the person I thought it was back then. The friend is a mutual friend of ours that goes to the same church as us. She said she didnt want me to go to church at the same time as her because it felt weird but really she was just chatting it up with this dude....who was divorced recently from his wife who left him and he wanted her back....funny how he forget how this felt when he went through this and probably would have done anything to get his wife back.

 

I have talked to this guy before and been to his facebook account......he is so not the person my wife would date..well let me refraise that not the person who I thought my wife was would date. He is drinks, parties, etc and she hates alcohol because of her fathers alcohol additions and he would physically abuse his wife infront of her. Even all this i still love her...why? It hurts so bad and honestly part of me wishes I never new all this because what we had the last few weeks was good. Its like as soon as I think progress has been made it all comes crashing down.

 

Little tidbit of information....this weeks mass reading had to do with divorce. The priest had a long homily about divorce and how it is not an option that people need to look past themselves and try and fix the problems they have in marriage instead of divorcing......its like she does not want to hear it or she just ignores stuff like this....she want to be catholic but only follow the parts she likes.

[Lester]

A failing marriage with of its nasty manifestations can be debilitating. This “mind-haze”, is not much different than the first few times you get shot at.

In these situations, your odds of success are directly proportional to your ability to perform singularly simple tasks while keeping your goal always in the forefront of your mind.

 

Twist you’re having trouble because you keep re-plowing plowed ground. An example of this would be you last post. Everything you said after the first sentence is old news, wishful thinking and a waste of time.

 

I know this is hard but you have to do a lot of growing up really fast!

 

So let’s keep trying:

Did you call her like I instructed and say sorry about the zoo thing?

Who is this person overhearing your wife?

 

Helpful hint:

I told you in an earlier post what you must say to your wife about other “men”. Talking face to face with her is best but phone will do. Tell her you heard a rumor, (be careful, it may all have been started by the other “man”), that you are seriously falling for this creepy-crawler.

Her – What do you mean?

You – (See my old post to you), Really working hard to save… but there can be no other man.

[This can go two ways now]

Good way:

Her – Oh you don’t have to worry, etc.

 

Bad way:

Her – What business is it of yours? I’ll do as I want.

You – I understand.

Her – What’s that supposed to mean.

You – If you think I’m going to try and stop you from being with multiple cheater you have another thing coming! (Don’t be afraid to say this! You are reminding her of her honor!)

Her – (Whatever she says doesn’t matter.)

You - You two will make a perfect pair… there would be a lot of justice in it for me!

Her – (It doesn’t matter what she says.)

You – I got to go. Bye.

 

If she comes back to cover her tracks… Twist, your goal is what? That’s right, to save your marriage! How do you do that? Her talking you listening!

 

PS, "she only wants to follow parts", Twist, stop looking at the speck in her eye while you have a plank in yours.

[Twistedoo9]

Sorry i kind of worded that to sound like the other man is a mutual friend he is not. The other man is a person that i have talked to 1 time when i was looking for a job at the company he works for. The person overhearing the conversation was the mutual friend.

I did call her but did not say sorry. She answered the phone and was we talked. She was not mad at all and I didnt want to bring it up and possibly upset her.

[Lester]

You keep avoiding your chances for reconciliation… why?

Telling her you are sorry would certainly open up a can of worms, but that's the only way back into her life.

 

Status quo on your part is viewed as indifference. After a certain period she will move out of the unsure stage into the resolved/determined stage. At that moment she will most likely become a victim of the purveyors of seduction. (Shallow superficial values and hyper-sexing)

 

Her life will most likely be ruined. (Dishonor)

 

You have to step up.

 

PS Stop fantasying about what she is thinking or doing. It’s a waste of time.