"I love U but dont like the person you have become" gaming addiction need advise

[Twistedoo9]

This was said in the C office. It's like she has rewritten history. That she never was in love with me. That for nine years she just put up with me and when we were intamite in bed she never felt a connection. I am trying hard not to let her word get me down... But it is so hard because having someone you love with all your heart tell you the only good thing that I was for was our three kids and that I was the worst thing to happen in here life really hurts.

 

She said that she has forgive me but she could never forget the past and that she holds so much hate and resentment towards me. She did say she finally likes the person I am and she could take me back anytime but it would not be fair to me because she could never love me like a husband and it would only be so she would stop hurtin me. I have not given up hope because I know from reading other people stories that this is typical comments from a wife who walks away from a marriage.

 

Yes I have finished Smalley have not started Dobson.

[Lester]

She said, “I am the worse thing that has ever happened to her besides the kids. “

- This is a normal statement. Expect to hear it again and again. It means nothing more than her wanting to hurt you… good!

 

She said, “She never felt like we had an intament relationship with me our whole marriage.”

- Most likely true! You were a mama’s boy or prolonged adolescent boy or both. How in the world could anyone be intimate with you. You got to change!

 

She said, (I assuming your not.) “That she thought I was stalking her because people thought they saw me.”

- Her circle of sorrow is very close to her and/or she has a boyfriend.

 

She said, “that she only stayed because she felt she had to take care of me.”

- True, but it a hurt statement… good.

 

She said, “She said she was proud of me that I have made all these changes and that for the first time in a long time she finally could say something good about me. But she said she could never love me as a husband.”

- Good… you’ve created a tug of war in her mind and the normal more normal hurt statements… are also good.

“… as a husband” She is most likely eyeballing another man. (Don’t panic or react… again normal!)

 

You said, “I told her that if someone truly loved someone they would let them go and that I was ready to move on without her and I didn't need her in my life that I just want her to be happy.

- TOO MUCH TALK!!! Instead, say “I understand” and shut-up!

 

You said, “How does someone stay married with someone for nine years, have 3 kids, tell me how much she loves me multiple times, makes so many future plans together, have sex 2-3 times a week and feel this way. It makes absolutely no sense.

- Your not a woman! Being a lunk-headed male has blinded you for years!

 

 

PS, Don’t react so much! There will be many more test/hurts coming your way. Don’t run or talk!

[Lester]

She said, “It's like she has rewritten history. That she never was in love with me. That for nine years she just put up with me and when we were intamite in bed she never felt a connection.

- Good stuff!

 

She said, “I am trying hard not to let her word get me down... But it is so hard because having someone you love with all your heart tell you the only good thing that I was for was our three kids and that I was the worst thing to happen in here life really hurts. “

- Again, you can safely ignore her words but don’t ignore how she wants to hurt you… you deserve it, so take your medicine. (This medicine will turn you into a real husband!)

 

She said, “… that she has forgive me but she could never forget the past and that she holds so much hate and resentment towards me.

- Nope, more hurt statement… good! She’s no where near forgiveness and really confused.

 

She said, “She did say she finally likes the person I am and she could take me back anytime but it would not be fair to me because she could never love me like a husband and it would only be so she would stop hurtin me.

- Complicated with some hurt statement, but good stuff! You got her thinking.

 

You said, “I have not given up hope because I know from reading other people stories that this is typical comments from a wife who walks away from a marriage.

- DO NOT LET THAT ‘WALK AWAY’ STUFF INTO YOUR HEAD!!! YOU WERE A JERK FOR NINE YEARS! WHO WOULDN'T WALK? DO NOT LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK WITH A DESCRIPTION OF HER SYMPTOMS!!!!!

 

 

PS, Keep re-reading Smalley and get Dobson asap.

[Twistedoo9]

Oh I know this is my fault and that she has every reason to leave me. I have owned up to my part of the destruction of our marriage. Trust me there is so much I wish I could change, so much regret, and I deserve what I am going through. I completely understand how she feels about the marriage and I know that all she wants to do is focus on the negative aspects.

 

Another positive statement was she said she was shocked that I didn't just take my computer and leave and go on living happily ever after. And was even more shoked I have been going to therapy and actually spend time with the kids. She said she finally sees me as a great father to our kids and is proud of me for that. I guess now that I have gotten past the initial shone the meeting did have some good moments.

 

My counselor did tell her we both have to own up to the failure in the marriage that it was a 50\50 split. And she told her she enabled me and that she recommended she seek professional counseling too because she feared she would take those issues and bad habits into her next relationship. She also warned her that second marriage failures are 70% and that people who get through issues like our end up with full complete marriages.

[Lester]

You said, “Oh I know this is my fault and that she has every reason to leave me. I have owned up to my part of the destruction of our marriage. Trust me there is so much I wish I could change, so much regret,

- True, but backwards. You are only now regretful but you still have a lot of owning up to do. It’s done like this… she talks, while looking in her eyes, (If you never did, you must build up to, otherwise, creepy! Use your common sense!), you listen and remember. When she’s done quietly say sorry and shut-up. (In most case one sorry works well. Some bricks may need more!)

 

You said, “and I deserve what I am going through.”

- Your learning to love a part of you that you thought wasn’t important!

 

You said, “I completely understand how she feels about the marriage and I know that all she wants to do is focus on the negative aspects.

- She has no idea what’s she’s doing! She's stuck in anger and the now. If she could see and balance the lifelong consequence of divorce she would must likely throw-up! (If you can change into a great husband and win her back… you saved her!)

You did get the negative part right.

 

You said, “Another positive statement was she said she was shocked that I didn't just take my computer and leave and go on living happily ever after. And was even more shoked I have been going to therapy and actually spend time with the kids. She said she finally sees me as a great father to our kids and is proud of me for that. I guess now that I have gotten past the initial shone the meeting did have some good moments.”

- You’re learning lad! There’s a lot of meaning behind her words… good stuff!

 

You said, “My counselor did tell her we both have to own up to the failure in the marriage that it was a 50\50 split”

- Now you know why I hate counselors! They love to pull the emotion out of stuff which of course lengthens their billable time.

Granted it does give her more time to think but don’t be fooled… You wreaked your marriage! Knowing this, you can fix your marriage.

You will be divorced if you bite for this mush-burger approach to your failing marriage.

IT’S YOUR FAULT! ALL WIVES ARE NURTURING/ENABLERS. KNOWING THIS GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO FIX IT!

 

Counselor said, “And she told her she enabled me and that she recommended she seek professional counseling too”

- God, I hate these people…

Instead:

If your wife says she going to go to a counselor, tell her she doesn’t have to.

Wife – What do you mean?

You – You be wasting your time.

Wife – I don’t understand?

You – It’s my fault.

Then shut-up!!!

 

Counselor said, “She also warned her that second marriage failures are 70% and that people who get through issues like our end up with full complete marriages”

- True and it may give you time but she should not have said that in front of you with the wayward spouse sitting there!

She may consider it a challenge which her boyfriend can help her with.

[Twistedoo9]

Also more gems I remembered. She told me she never respected me as a person and that now she finally has respect for me.

 

Also, why is it good she is hurting me? Because I deserve it or because her hurt words mean something else.

[Lester]

Of course you deserve it and yes they do mean something else; Meaningful communication!

 

There’s no hope once a wife stops all communication. Routine talk such as who’s picking the kids up tonight also has no value. Hurtful comments are the very beginning of real communication. If you listen properly, (new you), she will continue. Hurtful comments are your finger-hold on your marriage.

 

Her closed heart is a layered defensive position that took years to build. (Like an onion.)

By the time you noticed, the position was fortified against all superficial, (non-emotional, non-intimate), communication. (The way you talked/treated her for the past nine years)

 

Trying to restore communication that you are comfortable with is akin to knocking on the back door of an enemy pill-box and asking; Can I come in?

 

No, you can’t! You can only approach from the front. Out there, is only a narrow slit with the gun sticking out. You must be brave and walk toward that slit… by yourself. Each bullet, (hurtful statements), she fires at you is a brick you created long ago.

 

This is the only way to peel the layers of pain you created off her. Doing so will help you shed the past, build your honor and allow her to see you with a newfound respect. You have been fumbling toward that slit… this is why she said she is beginning to respect you. You are changing! (I hope)

 

Do you understand now why I say counseling in the crisis stage is very dangerous? Wayward wives view their husbands as cowards when they suggest it.

 

You want to be married? NO BACK DOORS!

 

Please note:

Twist, I am teaching you how to save your marriage. My gruffness is meant to cut through all the falsehoods you thought you knew about your wife, marriage and divorce. (Save time)

 

That said,

Never think or say the word “Gems” again. This is your wife you’re talking about!

She’s most important person in your world.

Everything she says is worthy of your complete, new man attention!

[Twistedoo9]

My wife communicates with me and it is not always about the kids but how do I go about pealing away the onion. The reason I ask is she will not talk about the past and our relationship unless I bring something up. Lately she has been real matter of fact but that was because she said she didn't want to give me false hope because in her eyes there is no hope for us. Should I try and engage her in conversations... Not about our relationship but about other things than just the kids? Or should I let her initiate the conversations and just listen and if something come up I can apologize for do so?

[Lester]

My wife communicates with me and it is not always about the kids but how do I go about pealing away the onion. The reason I ask is she will not talk about the past and our relationship unless I bring something up. Lately she has been real matter of fact but that was because she said she didn't want to give me false hope because in her eyes there is no hope for us. Should I try and engage her in conversations... Not about our relationship but about other things than just the kids? Or should I let her initiate the conversations and just listen and if something come up I can apologize for do so?

 

You said, My wife communicates with me and it is not always about the kids but how do I go about pealing away the onion.

- Keep working on you, read my old posts and books. Remember, it’s not about her or her changing! You can’t change her and yes you may be too late.

 

You said, “The reason I ask is she will not talk about the past and our relationship unless I bring something up.

- Stop bringing up the past! You got to change into a nice datable guy.

 

She says, “Lately she has been real matter of fact but that was because she said she didn't want to give me false hope because in her eyes there is no hope for us.”

- She may know exactly what she wants but I doubt it. Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about her. (Hurting you gives her great satisfaction... expect it.)

 

You said “Should I try and engage her in conversations...”

- Of course, but not like you used too. Remember, you must change everything about you! She remembers every response/comment you have ever made!

The quickest way; you feel you must respond, don’t. You wish you could be somewhere else and not respond; stay put and humbly answer with a few words. (When she walks away from you scratching her head it’s not because you say you changed… it’s because you are different and she doesn’t know you!) GOOD!

 

You said, “…Not about our relationship but about other things than just the kids?”

- She will talk about the relationship only after she feels she is losing something.

Talking about the kids can be painful but is okay to do so. (If you were a butt-head to your wife the kids were also hurt by you.)

 

You said, “Or should I let her initiate the conversations and just listen and if something come up I can apologize for do so?

- Stop worrying about getting her to talk. Keep changing into a great husband. She will talk to you. Don’t be so anxious. Confidence attracts all!

 

Help hint:

You, like most thought knew what marriage was. Ha! This crucible is teaching you what a happy marriage is. This is going to make you very powerful…

 

So let’s use it!

If a conversation rolls is the right direction… she says, “Oh, don’t worry, I know you’ll find somebody.

 

You – You’re probably right and I certainly won’t ever be in that 70% that dopey counselor talked about!

 

Her – Oh, you don’t know what the future holds. (She will be reeling if you are changing into a very datable man!)

 

You – Yeah, I haven’t learned it all but I’ve learned a lot thanks to you! (She will be thinking, “What? I change him into this and now some other women is going to get all the good stuff! What does she look like? Is it someone I know? How will she be with my kids? Do you think she will have kids of her own? They will travel! Etc. etc. etc.) Yes, twist! This is for real!

 

PS, Humble confidence attracts wives and women!!!

I did it!

[Lester]

Twist, I know exactly how you feel. The mental pain is excruciating which in turn wilts you body. Then I come alone and tell you to keep your chin up, buy new clothing, brighten your teeth, maintain a healthy weight, get a healthy hobby while turning yourself into the most datable man you could be. All of this is to simply make up for past offenses and lost time. (A chance)

 

That said, did you read Dobson’s TL cover to cover?

 

There’s most likely a lot more BAD headed your way. Waiting, inaction and lack of game plain can kill you! (Yes, I mean dead! This happened to a co-worker of mine.)

 

Are you ready?

[Twistedoo9]

Went to the book store but they didn't have it will order it online and read it next week. One thing I did notice is few min ago my wife called me and had the longest conversation that we have had in awhile so it seems she is more comfortable talking to me. It was a lot to do with the kids but before our meeting Monday she really didn't keep me informed with that.

[Lester]

I forgot to mention that these books are Christian based and typically won’t be found in most book stores. These stores strive to be politically correct vs. just correct.

Amazon, used works very well. (Never let your wife/women see these books! Smalley recommends sharing… Don’t!)

 

In a world of doom and gloom you keep getting little tastes of hope!

 

“Marriages can be saved! Don't lose hope or waste time.”

You can tell form my recent posts I have no shortage of strong opinion. But out of all that writing I choose only the above simple line.

 

By not wasting time you will keep changing.

This will give you the strength ignore the negative static you been inundated with your whole life.

 

Doing so, you will be successful and save your marriage.

 

 

That said,

Being eternally optimistic and hopeful will change you into a respected, honorable man which of course is very desirable!

This is not to say you don’t have to do you homework. I like to think about it this way; I never ask a question I don’t already know the answer to.

Reading Dobson TL will prepare you for infidelity. If prepared there is a much higher likelihood you won’t make the tragic mistakes, (life changing depression and mental illness, suicide, murder, job loss, homelessness, broken kids, incompatible relationships, etc.), reacting to the news as do so many millions of men/women each day.

 

The question you must know the answer to: (If wrong? Good for you… great wife!)

You - Is there another man?

Her – No! I would never do that to you!

 

Twist, There’s much more than a fifty percent chance that her answer is a lie. She most likely is, or at least is thinking about another man romantically.

 

THIS IS NORMAL!!!

 

He’s someone who is close… in my case it was my best “friend.”

The affair always starts with innocent, (as far as your wife goes), conversation. These secret phone calls quickly turn in to hours on the phone.

He is easy to talk to and “understands.” If allowed to progress your wife will be seduced by this person.

 

You must understand infidelity! VERY HARD… but must be done! (I joined this forum years after my wife’s emotional affair but still could not click on the “infidelity” area for another whole year.)

 

Get Dobson and prepare.

[PaintWithLight]

I skimmed through the advice that Lester is providing and it is hopeful. However, you really need to do an unflinching self-evaluation of your life and decision making process. It is good that you are waking up to your role as a husband and father. But honestly, I am stunned how apathetic you were during those years of gaming, one-sided guilt sex with your wife and making children without a plan for the future. Do you seriously thing you can man up now and no only reverse the damage but not back slide into the same bad habits? Put aside your pain and assess yourself as a man.

 

You are an addict so nothing you say can be taken at face value. All impulses are mired deep in your addiction reflexes. You missed your kids so much that you drove over and parked in the drive just to hear them play? Really??? This is from the same guy that never so much as changed a diaper when they were living together as a family? I do not mean to be adversarial but you really need to see your responsibility in this disaster. The fact that you even say it takes two to ruin a marriage and your fault is only 90% is staggering. It seems that you still have a lot of denial and self serving rationales to overcome. I wish you luck but only unflinching self examination can put you on the right path.

[Twistedoo9]

I am not try to defend myself because honestly I have no leg to stand on and I am aware that the downfall of my marriage was my fault. The 90% fault thing was an idea my addiction therapist put into my head but I am no fool I know that I was not there when I should have been. I did have a plan for the future of my kids. I have a masters in Business managament and am an Accountant at a rather large company and have work myself up in the company so I provide for my family financially. The first years of marriage were the time when I was not really trying, still going through colleged and honestly not ready to grow up. Once we had our second kid i became more involved...i know I should have done so earlier but i did try to be a father (my father was terrible so I honestly didnt know how to be a father). Coached my daughters soccer team and softball team. Attended any event that I could go to with my children, went to church, cleaned house, played with them (not as much as i should have but i did help), cooked, cleaned, changed diapers, stayed up, i waited on her hand and foot most of the time (getting her water, running her bath, hell i even went to the store a few times to get tampons, and let my wife sleep after the birth of our children. But I was also cranky, withdrawn, argumentative, selfish, and critical. I would not go out of my way to do thing and most of the time would requires some reminded that things needed to get done. If my wife wanted to go on vacation I didnt argue, wanted a new car...fine, wanted a dog for the kids....ok even though i didnt want one...hell I even took the dog to training class and trained her.

 

I am not trying to say that I was the best I could be because I was far from it but I did put some effort into the relationship and didnt just coast along like a bum with no care in the world.

[PaintWithLight]

Fair enough. I am just suggesting that you do a gut check to make sure this is what you truly want. I know many many guys that went down the "white-picket fence" route because they felt it was expected of them. Then 10+ years into it, they wake up to the truth that they are living someone else's ideal life. Fixing things will be difficult but you have to be sure this is what you truly want.

[Twistedoo9]

Trust me I have done a sever gut check...i have been living alone for the last 9 weeks and seeing my kids 2-3 times a week. You do alot of thinking and soul searching in times like these. I realized now that my priorities were so screwed up it was not even funny. I miss my kids so bad its not even funny. When they are with me everything is fine but when I drop them off its like getting hit in the gut and losing my breath. The hurt and the pain I see in my wifes eyes everytime I see her kills me because I know that I am the cause of her pain. My wife has always meant the world to me even when I was not showing it like I should have. I know how difficult this will be and there is a good chance that it is too late and she may never take me back but as long as there is a slimmer of hope I will keep on fighting. Making the changes that I need to make to be a better person regardless of what happens because I can say with 100% certainty that I will never make those same mistakes again.

[Twistedoo9]

Sooooo.... Yeah well Mondays meeting for some reason actually helped. For some strange reason my wife has started talking to me about thing not having to do with the kids. When I call to tell the kids good night she will usually talk to me about random stuff... Not long conversations but conversations none the less. She is also asking for help with things which has not happened since the separation. Not only that but she is asking me if I want the kids on days that I usually don't get them.

 

Also, when I picked the kids up Friday I thanked her for coming to the meeting. I said she didn't have to come and I really appreciated it. Also told her to not listen to the therapist that it was not her fault, that it was all me and going to therapy herself would be a waste of time. Her response was it takes two to destroy a relationship. I responded true but I did most of the work.

 

It's just strange how she goes from so standoffish and telling me I was the worse thing to happen to her to how she is now.

[Lester]

Her, (His), brain is squirmin' like a toad) – Doors, Riders on the storm.

And you’re not helping! Good for you twist!

 

If you keep this up you’re going to get you wife and family back.

 

If you do, never forget the power of hope!

 

Happy Sunday… fix something.

[Twistedoo9]

Not sure if you literally meant fix something but I went ahead and fixed something. The playroom at my wife's house's fluorescent light ballast went out. So I bought a new fixture and when I dropped the kids off changed it out. She was a little surprise and worried I would kill myself. Made the comment dont worry if i die you can collect the life insurance lol which she responded that is not funny as she laughed.....I stayed for a little bit afterwards and talked but not too long. I think she likes this new me and is somewhat confused at how to react....I know I like the new me I am much happier...

[Lester]

Yes, I did mean fix, repair, replace, paint etc. Soon, you may even get a chance at the Holy Grail of wifedom… cleaning the house!

 

If the chance arises, be ready!

 

Quick overview of a cleaning strategy:

 

- Clean a bathroom. You must do it right! The right way is the way she would like it! There’s a good chance you may not know what she likes so practice doing it somewhere else first. Get lessons from someone who can keep their mouth shut. Youtube? (Don’t ever tell your wife about practice or lessons. If she ever asks, say “I watched you!” She’ll laugh and take the sponge out of your hand. Watch her and ask questions! Carefully listen and modify to her wishes.

 

- Vacuum. Again not the way a kid would do! Vacuum everything in one room. Ceiling, walls, baskets, under furniture, etc) Ie(Kid job, one minute going over rugs. Loving husband, thirty minutes or more.) Remember, you can do things she can't!

 

- Windows. No swish-swish here. Remove screen and wash. (If winter, place in basement.) Spray outside window with high pressure water hose. Dry and Windex each pane at least three times, don't forget trim.

On the inside vacuum entire window, drapes, woodwork and Windex as above. One window should take at least twenty minutes… anything less is a sub-par husband job.

 

 

Remember the golden rules…

You can only change yourself.

Keep your mouth shut, listen and remember!

Don’t be an open book!

A marriage save is you changing into a loving husband… this can take years.

Real intimacy, (opposite of Hollywood), is 10% physical/sex and 90% listening, remembering, saying the right thing at the right time. (With as few words as possible.)

She’s not a kid, your possession or stupid.

 

Homework:

Watch for genuinely loving husbands in action. Yes, hard to find… but they are there if you look!

 

PS, Her shock over the "kill myself" is because she wished you dead many times.

[Twistedoo9]

I also made the decision over the weekend to sign up for a 5k run. I was kinda inspired by a coworker last week. He somewhat tricked me into going running with him. Had no idea how long a 5k was but was able to make it. Since then I have ran it 3 other times. I am going to run it in honor of my autistic son and set up a fundraising website to try and raise money for Autism Speaks. I figured if I was going to run I might as well do it for a good cause and what better cause then to help a company fight the disorder my son has.

[Twistedoo9]

So I sent out a mass text message to everyone on my phone about me raising money and running in the 5k. My wife sent me a text message asking how long 5k was. And if it was ok if she came with the kids to watch. She also asked if she could run in it with me. I told her I don't see why not. She responded she is only running 1.5 miles. I told her she can do it it was all mental that once she gets past the initial pain it really is not that bad. We will see where this goes. Needless to say I think this caught her way off guard and really got her thinking but I may be reading too much into it.

[Lester]

Maybe you are reading into it a little more than you should but I think it’s okay. I call it hope and think it’s normal.

 

Also,

You said, “She responded she is only running 1.5 miles. I told her she can do it it was all mental that once she gets past the initial pain it really is not that bad.”

Your response to her running 1.5 mile can be taken different ways. Did you mean she can make it to 5k?

 

If so,

I know you are new at this and will learn; but, the proper response would have been:

“That’s awesome honey! I can’t wait to see you there!”

 

Remember, she’s not your procession, a child, (especially, your child), a subordinate, friend or a relative! She’s your wife! That special person who never gets careless responses or chatter.

 

PS, There’s only one of her! Out of all the people who ever lived or ever will live… only one.

 

PS2, Stop telling her what to do.

[Twistedoo9]

My wife has so little faith in me. I texted her this morning about getting the kids this Sunday. This is not a day i usually get them but she mentioned i could take them anytime i wanted. I plan on taking them to the zoo.

 

Me: Hey do you have anything planned this sunday with the kids? if not can i pick them up after church? I dont have work and want to take them to the zoo.

Wife: we get out of church at 12. Is someone going with u??

Me: I get out at 12 too. no just me and the kids.

Wife: That's is going to be difficult????

Me: Yes it will be. But when is anything easy?

 

No response after that i am not sure if she is mad or not but her lack of response usually means she is angry. Should she be mad at me for this? I was not trying to upset her but I also can not let the fact that something is difficult stop me from doing things with the kids besides staying home in my appartment. She has the luxury of her mother living with her and she helps when they go out. They take the kids all over the place: aquarium, swimming, spacewalk place, etc. Never once have i been invited to join them...not that i was expecting it but still. I probably should have worded my last text differently but still is the something to get upset over?

[Lester]

Twist, I tell you the way it is, not what you may want to hear.

 

Your Goal You are trying to save your marriage. All thoughts, plans, contact and conversation revolve around this simple goal.

Do you want to be married? You won’t be if you keep making same mistakes.

That said, your wife is not like you! Keep reading Smalley again and again!

 

Being a male you could take a phone call on a Saturday night and be climbing a mountain the next morning! Your wife is not wired that way! She needs time!!! (Smalley)

You hurt and insult her when you treat her like a man. Much worse, while in the crisis stage, you reinforce her negative beliefs about you.

 

Let’s ponder:

You said, “Hey do you have anything planned this sunday with the kids?

if not can i pick them up after church? I dont have work and want to take them to the zoo.”

- She thought. Presumptions jerk is still insulting me! He thinks am alone and just chopped liver! Who cares about his silly plans or what he wants! I hope he drops dead in church and am going call my "friend". (Wink)

 

She said, “we get out of church at 12. Is someone going with u??”

- Even though you keep making mistakes you have had some success. For her to show any interest in who’s going with you is good.

 

You said, “I get out at 12 too. no just me and the kids.

Wife: That's is going to be difficult???? “

- Too late, damage done. The train has left the station! What ever you said after this point was just digging the hole deeper.

 

You said, “Yes it will be. But when is anything easy?”

-Even though you blew it you had to KEEP TALKING and making it worse.

Really dumb, bad thing to say!

 

 

Let’s rewrite this horrible exchange:

At a minimum of eight days in advance… While talking to her on Friday 9/28/2012. (No txts!)

 

You - I was thinking of taking the kids to the Zoo Sunday 10/7/2012 after church. Do you think that would be a problem?

Her- I don’t know, I have to check. Is someone going with you?

You – Well, I was hoping you would come, but I understand if you can’t.

Her – I don’t know… I’d have to think about it.

You – I understand.

(The following could happen if you would just let it!)

Her – I don’t know, I don’t know about us. (You listen without saying much for the next hour or so.)

 

Sunday could have been a FAMILY trip day instead of a broken family trip day.

 

Also;

You said, “No response after that i am not sure if she is mad or not but her lack of response usually means she is angry.”

- Of course she is, any women on earth would be no less a wife!

 

You said, “Should she be mad at me for this?

- Of course!

 

You said, “I was not trying to upset her”

- No you were just doing the same old stuff that ruined you marriage.

 

You said, “but I also can not let the fact that something is difficult stop me from doing things with the kids…”

- Yes you can! You’re trying to save your marriage!

 

You said, “besides staying home in my appartment.”

- Only little boys think like this. Nobody, (especially her), cares if you die in that apartment!

 

You said, “She has the luxury of her mother living with her and she helps when they go out. They take the kids all over the place: aquarium, swimming, spacewalk place, etc. Never once have i been invited to join them...not that i was expecting it but still.

- I’m sorry, but are you listening to yourself talk?

 

You said, “I probably should have worded my last text differently but still is the something to get upset over? “

- If you don’t change, you will spend the rest of your life asking the same dumb questions over and over.