Ex asked me to return gifts. Should I agree?

[DN]

I made it clear to her that I wanted to be back in the relationship. But she said she wasn't ready, among other things. She cried during our last conversation. Then I receive news that she was traumatized. A bit strange because she is the dumper.

 

A mutual friend told me to let her be. This is what I'm doing now. Fact is she initiated NC. I just followed. I'm hoping for the best...

In that case your friend is correct. You can't keep chasing her and if she wants you back, after what she said, she needs to be much more clear and direct.

[markie6]

Maroon it's worth just pointing out , that even though the dumper pulls the trigger they can still feel the pain caused by the breakup. It's not always black and white. Dumpees can always see them as the ogre who has caused all the pain but it's not always that way. So it's perfectly normal if they feel upset in the immediate aftermath.

[WalkingDead]

As a recent dumpee, I reacted immediately and gave her back most of the gifts she had given me. It was just an almost instinctive reaction on my part, although quite immature. I simply did not want to be reminded of her at all. I could have just put them in a box, but given that she lives 70 feet away from me, it was just too easy. I had given her tons of stuff though, including the bed that she is still sleeping in. I did take one special item back that I had given her, because I felt like her lack of integrity did not justify her keeping such a special item. But in general, gifts should NOT be given or taken back. I made that mistake, and she absolutely hated that I gave her stuff back.

[Maroon]

Maroon it's worth just pointing out , that even though the dumper pulls the trigger they can still feel the pain caused by the breakup. It's not always black and white. Dumpees can always see them as the ogre who has caused all the pain but it's not always that way. So it's perfectly normal if they feel upset in the immediate aftermath.

 

True.

 

I think the ex and myself are both hurting, regardless of who the dumper is. For what it's worth, I hope that NC will yield good results, whatever those results may be.

 

Thanks Markie!