how to erase this - feeling

[grainsofrice]

I am feeling sad right now due to a number of consistent reactions from folks in my social circle.

 

People that I see daily are intimidated by me and often greet me in a smile that looks as ‘they made a statement in their head about me and produce a smile’. Or flat out ignore me and pretend not to see me. Sometimes there are no eye contacts from them.

 

People respond this way because of my behavior which I think are reasonable for my circumstances.

What lead me to such behavior.

It’s normal to assume the worst and react as if the outcome is the worst because I pretty much grow up without the support system and I can't afford to screw up.

 

I usually pin point or figure out what and who caused by placing my index finger.

 

I also disapprove of people who are cheater or like short cut. I work hard and I believe that if things are meant to happen for me then what I put in should capture the prize. I am also ok with the outcome. I also do not like others who take advantage.

 

The problem is I will let others know my true feeling either from my body language (usually angry face) or flat out told them.

 

Is this a case of maturity issues? I'm letting go off small stuff and try not to get bothered by them. I also don’t get much responds on my thread on ENA, I shouldn’t take things personally, but I feel like I am already pushing people away even on the internet. :subdued:

 

I want to just run away and escape.

 

Now, I am thinking of go seeing a mental health professional in my town. One of my parent is the same way.

 

Btw: my physical appearance doesn’t project violent type. people can bully their way into my wallet easily. I also has a soft spot and when I see others in trouble, I'll help. The other day, a guy asked me for money at the gas station. At first, I didn't believe him until I saw a blinking low gas flashing on his car-I gave him 5 bucks. Turns out, he did the same thing with other people at the station.

 

To avoid all those feeling, I am just going to have little interaction with people for now.

[iamkaylee]

Hey, you. Buck up there now.

 

What did I tell you before huh? I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. And what did you say back? Yes I can, I'm going to keep moving forward.

 

You work hard, believe in the value of hard work, do your best and accept the outcome. Sounds like a prety good thing to me No one decent likes people who take advantage or coast on by, cheat and lie so you're in some pretty good company there my friend.

 

You're pretty pessimistic right now and a little paranoid too from your post. Could be some depression or frustration bringing that on also. So I think it's a real good idea for you to go get some professional mental help right now. They can help you figure out what's going on and how to make it better. You're a smart guy, a pretty good dude too. You can beat this easy once you learn how and get the tools to do it with. Confidence!

[grainsofrice]

Thanks iamkaylee,

 

Yes, I am going to be moving forward as I planned out. I'll be hitting the items on my schedule. Yep, I am so paranoid these days. Perhaps, I should stop being super vigilant and stop walking faster than average person. My behaviors has to change.

When I get those thoughts tomorrow, I'll drop everything and start doing 10 deep breathing and focus on my it. I can't afford another unproductive day.

[Capricorn3]

I am thinking of go seeing a mental health professional in my town.

I think that's a really good idea as it will help you understand and hopefully overcome all your issues. I'm sure it will be of great benefit to you. Make an appointment as soon as possible.

[iamkaylee]

Thanks iamkaylee,

 

Yes, I am going to be moving forward as I planned out. I'll be hitting the items on my schedule. Yep, I am so paranoid these days. Perhaps, I should stop being super vigilant and stop walking faster than average person. My behaviors has to change.

When I get those thoughts tomorrow, I'll drop everything and start doing 10 deep breathing and focus on my it. I can't afford another unproductive day.

 

Sounds most excellent. Focus on calming when you start getting anxious or worked up. Just a mental time out to regroup. ;-)

 

Do you walk really fast? People can see that as aggressive if the rest of your body language is projecting aggression or hostility in some way. Staring, glowering, tension through the upper body. More to think about. If you're stressed, you may be putting off 'keep away' signals and not even know it.

[deejay74]

I think that's a really good idea as it will help you understand and hopefully overcome all your issues. I'm sure it will be of great benefit to you. Make an appointment as soon as possible.

 

I totally agree. It's good to have a professional with experience and objective advice to give you. I'm seeing one now again and it's helping. I've been seeing therapists for 7 years but I recently had to find a new one because I moved. There was a gap of several months between my last therapist and this one and during that time I started to get emotionally stressed out and now that I am seeing one again I'm feeling better.

 

Hope this helps.

[grainsofrice]

Thank you all for the responds.

I'll definitely go see one in near future. I do feel that therapy might just cause me to lose my focus in my work, so I'll wait until I am done with the project or when I am extremely down then, I will get therapy help.

 

So today, some negative thoughts came in-I didn't feed on it. I just gave it a quick notice and told my self why bother and 'regroup' myself as you say. It didn't bother me much today and I wrote down the time whenever a negative thought creep in.

 

I do like to walk fast and this comes natural to me. However, I don't walk as if I am marching with arms swinging over my shoulders

 

Yep, the body language is the key and especially the facial expression. If I have to scan to see who is around me, I make sure that I put on a smile faces when taking a glance.