What you think would happen to your dating life if you just improved yourself?

[radiohead20]

Question here.

 

To those people that get dates consistently, to those who date here and there, and to those that barely date. Basically anybody goes and I want variety

 

 

What would happen if you just dropped the expectation of finding someone and dating and just focused on yourself for a few years and actually accomplished a lot of what you want to do? How do you think it would affect your dating life?

 

 

I am asking this because they say if you improve yourself and get the life you want, the women will be attracted to you and will come magically running out of the bushes to be with you. I agree in SOME sense, but I think it case by case. Basically I think dating gurus instill some hope that if you improve your life that your dating life will automatically improve and when people DO improve their lives and their dating life does NOT improve they get even MORE frustrated. (Because if you become the best version of yourself and you are not attracting anyone than you feel like nothing is going to work). Example if your goal is to become a software engineer in a large company typically dominated by males your dating life is probably NOT going to improve even if you hit your goals. However if one of your goals is to become more sociable than it will probably improve.

 

 

I would like hear some input from people that have ACTUALLY improved their lives significantly and how it impacted their dating life. And I guess, name what the improvemens were if you would like.

[j.man]

It works. And it's really a win-win. First and foremost, you're improving yourself. This of course benefits you. The thing is, while you're improving yourself, your consequently getting yourself out there more, meeting more people, and pretty much increasing your opportunities exponentially.

 

I use to be pretty reclusive. I think last summer I was something like 50 pounds overweight. I decided it was time for a change, got a gym membership, took up some dance classes, started taking up my coworkers on offers to hang out, registered for more classes at university. I even wanted to learn how to play soccer, so I went on craigslist and got a soccer buddy from Barcelona. I've met all kinds of people (attractive women included) through his circle of friends. He actually offered me a place to stay in December if I wanted to visit Spain. It'd be interesting to see how I do there.

 

I dropped down about 50 pounds, then put on about 15 pounds of muscle after that. I'm not gonna lie, I look pretty good (body-wise). I get plenty of looks and women definitely talk to me a lot more often. It's much more casual talking to women when you're doing everyday stuff to improve yourself. It feels much more normal and you're able to find dates you really get along with much easier because you already have that sorta casual dynamic.

 

The whole thing is that the core premise is you improving yourself. You shouldn't expect a date to fall into your lap, but the chances of meeting a woman in a much more natural context and getting something going are much higher when you're prioritizing your own development. That is if you're doing so in a social way.

[Day_Walker]

I think that the general ideal to "improve yourself" which is typically given after a break up is to keep a person busy and focused on something else besides the recent break up. As far as actually improving yourself whether in a relationship or not a person should already keep their goals in mind and be moving towards them.

[radiohead20]

Great to hear a positive outcome from something like this. I plan to do something similar - to work on myself FOR myself only. I am not gonna lie though, there is something inside me that hopes that this will also improve my chances with women too. I mean who doesnt?