been in a relationship 2 years, is it going anywhere???

[itsmec]

I've been in a relashionship for 2 years with someone I met in the midst of an abusive relationship. He was my savior. We ended up falling in love and being there for eachother when we were needed. I had a problem with him and his commitment level. I had to break up with him after our first year because he wouldn't commit to me. I never met his friends, parents or even got the pleasure of being called his girlfriend

We got back together after about a month or 2. Everything had been fine, complete change, but now I feel like the relationship is not going anywhere. I don't think bringing up marriage is a good idea, because I feel like he will turn me down,and plus I just actually got commitment from him. I need to move out of my apartment, and he hasn't even made any suggestions. He knows I may move out of the state if I don't find something here, but he has said nothing. Should I just let him go?? Our relationship otherwise is perfect. How do I let him know how I feel without seeming so pushy? I don't want to waste anymore time. It took 2 years to just feel like I'm in a real relationship with him. It will probably take 10 years to get married!!

[OceanEyes]

You're right, he does sound a little on the commitment-phobic side. Taking over a year just to refer to you as his "girlfriend" is quite a long time, longer than most I think! However, you may be dating a laid-back type of guy who isn't concerned with labels.

 

I can understand that you're probably scared to bring up the possibility of marriage. However, I doubt that a guy of 23 is going to want to jump right into that. This doesn't mean that he isn't committed to you 100%, it just means that marriage isn't very practical for someone of our age. Is your boyfriend 23 also or is he older/ younger than you are?

 

If I'm reading you right, it seems to me like you're ready for cohabitation with him. Have you brought this up at all?

[itsmec]

I think I failed to mention that he is 32!! That was an important detail to leave out. This is why I think he will never change, although he has told me that this is his first real relationship. what do you think? I really love him, and other than his commitment level everything has been perfect. I also have a child with someone else who he loves like his own. She's very attached to him. but if he will let me move without a word, does he really see a future with me?

[sweetlilchicky191]

My best friend is in the same position as you! Most men don't change. If you want to move in with him say it, if you want to become more serious say it, you don't want to seem pushy, but it sounds like you need to be with this man.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think you should continue to live your life doing the things that are in your own best interest. If you need to move, then move. Don't stop yourself from doing the things you want because you are waiting for him.

 

Don't wait for him.

 

If he wants to be with you then he will follow you wherever it is that you are going. If he is afraid of losing you then he will propose something. In the meantime don't be afraid to lose him...if he cares eough he will come along for the ride

[itsmec]

Thanks for the advice. I had a conversation with him today about how I felt, and still nothing. He told me to do what I need to do. I asked him how my move would affect our relationship and he said he doesn't know. This just shows me that I need to move on. I don't have anymore time to waste.

[OceanEyes]

That's kind of harsh on his part, but at least you should have a pretty good idea of where his heart is right now. I can promise you that if this man really loved you, he would try to either stop you from going, or figure out a way for you to remain together. His indifference and seemingly non-chalant attitude about your moving would suggest, to me, that he's most definitely not worth any more of your precious time.

 

On the other hand, some men have a very hard time expressing their feelings to a woman they love. That is of course, until it's too late. Either you're going to be with a man who can't even speak up about simple emotions, or with a man who doesn't love you like he should.

 

Good luck - you seem strong and intelligent - things that will take you a long way. And, without the help of a man!

[Nikki28]

I am in the same sitation as you are! but i was with my boyfriend for 4 years and i told him if he wouldnt make a further commitment then it would have to end. So it ended and still nothing! i thought well if he loved me enough then he would come around! after all in a relationship your suppose to care about what the other person wants too! i waited for 4 years with no moving in or anything and he kept saying he wasnt ready and didnt know when he would be so i had to break-up with him. Life is too short and i wasnt about to waste another 2 years waiting for him to say "im still not ready"

[Vampiremoon9]

I too find myself in the same situation. I had to find a new place to live and the guy I was dating suggested we move in together. I was so delighted and felt like it was a turning point in our relationship. I had big dreams of a marriage purposal within that first year and invisioned it, played it up in my mind and heart over an over dreamily. But sadly it never happened.

 

He never wanted to discuss or talk about marriage and would avoid it at all costs. If I brought it up he got angry and we ended up argueing if nothing else. He was always too busy, not where he wanted to be financially, need to get that promotion at work, not ready and the list of excuses grew. Now after 3 full years together and one upgrade to an apartment then townhome he is still not any closer to asking me to marry him. And yes, I agree you tend to start to question your worth in the relationship after a time when they dodge dealing with it.

 

We live, eat, argue and have a nearly dead sex life just like a married couple of 7+ years (giggles) and Im still waltzing around with the title of "girlfriend" while my heart crys out to be "wife". Im tired of dragging this out year after year with no fulfillment or true commitment from him. I keep hearing the old saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk free through the fence. While Im wasting my precious time with a "go nowhere man" I could be finding a man worthy of my love and who would deeply love me in return. Im finally realizing and accepting (very slowly) that he is just not "in love" with me. That what I settled for was a boy playing house when what I wanted was a man as my partner and companion, my soulmate.

 

When a man loves you deeply the thought of you leaving sends them into a tailspin and they panic. That's when they reach out and take a risk and pursue you relentlessly. I think often men fear rejection more than we do. But when they send you mixed messages, or silence and they clam up and wont share feelings then its high time you make the change and set into motion a new chapter in your life that wont include letting them stay in a comfort zone you've painstakenly created. Like me, its time I set free what was never really mine to keep and find someone who will cherish and hold close my heart with love and affection.

 

He will always have a special place in my heart. But its time I move on and so should you.